You know, as a plus sized woman I'm not 'supposed' to have any confidence in myself. I'm supposed to want to shrink, disappear, fall into line, conform.
I've been a stubborn little bugger since I came out of the womb, and I don't like being told how I should see myself, or others like me.
I've chosen this really silly photo of myself. Why? Because for me confidence is about not giving a crap what anyone thinks of me. I grew up being told what I could and couldn't do, both as a fat person and a poor person. I was always to know my standing and what kind of places I could or couldn't go in, what I could or couldn't wear.
|No fucks given|
1. This life business really IS finite, and 2. It'd be bloody silly to go to my grave with a load of regrets, not having lived half my life because I was worried about what people thought of me.
From that point onwards I tried to live a more authentic life, a life which made me happy, and at first it was baby steps. Really small steps, so much so that I was barely moving forward. But moving forward I was, because deep down I knew some fundamental things, things you might need to hear:
No person's weight or size defines their worth. EVER. The world may try to show and tell you this is true, and many people may believe it, but it is a LIE. Your personality matters. Your heart matters. I'd much sooner be fat than a superior arsehole going through life judging other people as 'less than' to make myself feel better. Things that define me are kindness, my ability to love, my sense of humour, my filthy laugh, my love of animals, my belief that equality should be universal, my taste in music and my unhealthy obsession with Jason Momoa. The size of my arse? Truly immaterial in the grand scheme of things.
You are enough, just as you are. You are worthy. You are loveable. You deserve all good things just as anyone else does.
It's OK to like yourself, really. It's even better to love yourself, and believe me when you have a non-normative body and you love yourself, it really puts a kink in people's piss pipes. They might not 'get' it, and that might mean as little as a quizzical look on their face as you sashay by full of awesomeness. They might not get it and this may mean they try to kill your enthusiasm for your love of self with shitty words. This speaks volumes of them and nothing of you.
It's OK to be vain. I love myself. I look in the mirror and think 'I would!' Of course there are days when I don't like what I see, but there are far many more when I take into account all my so-called flaws (as society would have me see them) and I still think 'Damn, you fineeeee.' Hahaha.
Why am I writing about confidence today? Because Plus Confidence in You are holding a fundraiser to raise funds for a plus size art exhibition.
Plus Confidence in You Is an organisation designed to promote body confidence and having a positive body image. The whole team behind the project recognise that growing up when you look different from others is tough - especially when the media is telling you that your body doesn't look just how it should.
So... They have come up with an exciting concept - A Plus Size Art Exhibition! The more we can surround ourselves with photos of bodies of all sizes and the more we can see strong, confident women of size rocking their bodies and doing their thing, the easier life will come.
The Plus Size Art Exhibition is designed to showcase stunning artistic images of women sized everything between a dress size 20 and a dress size 30. The art exhibition has been a long time coming and as such a lot of work has had to go into it - and now thanks to this funding project you have the chance to be involved in something different!
What does confidence mean to you?
Thanks for reading!