Outfit | Rivendell Cider

Hola lovelies!

I'm wearing yet another LOTR-themed t-shirt today. I have banned myself from looking at Tee Fury as I have no control whatsoever when they're selling Lord of the Rings or Hobbit themed tops. They do 2 t-shirts of the day each day, which sell from $11 each depending on size and are only on sale for one day. To clarify - unless Tee Fury decides to bring this tee back at a later date you can't buy it, so I have no link to post for it.

Please excuse the grain in the photos, it was getting dark.

I always buy a 3X in the t-shirts. The fabric is thick and heavy and thus not as stretchy as some t-shirts can be. I've slashed the neck and cut about half an inch off the sleeves. I'm wearing the skirt in a size 28. It's not as long or as stretchy as the H&M dusky pink tulle skirt, but I wanted a black one and I got it for 20% off. I like dressing up and tulle makes me feel like a princessy child. :)

It has an opaque close fitting stretchy underskirt and then the flouncy tulle over the top.

Here are some photos of resting bitch face and my makeup.

I'm wearing:
Rivendell Cider t-shirt, Tee Fury $13
Tulle skirt, past season ASOS Curve
Shoes, past Everything 5 Pounds
Lippie - MUA Caramel Nougat lip liner with clear lip balm on top

Have you got anything made of tulle?

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

American indie wishlist

Hey.

Here's a wishlist of my fave indie US designers at the moment. I'm not a fan of buying high value items from overseas because of the threshold amount upon which we have to pay tax. If a person in the UK buys something from outside the European Union which costs £18 or more we will possibly be charged duty (and sometimes a fee for them taking the trouble of investigating/opening the parcel.)

Here's what I'd buy right now if money was no object.
(All of the photos belong to the website they were taken from.)

Domino Dollhouse 

(Can I get a hell yeah that Tess Holliday is back modelling for Domino Dollhouse?! I'll wait. OK? I'll carry on.)

Candy Strike

A thousand midnights baby doll dress

Boozy baby doll dress

Boozy baby crop top

Jibri

This skirt is like all my Christmases come at once. I would stroke it every day like a pet!

Jibri high waist brocade skirt

Chubby Cartwheels

Chubby Cartwheels Natalie dress

Chubby Cartwheels velvet crop top

What are you lusting over right now?

Thanks for peeking!
Leah xoxo

Witchin' in the woods

Howdy!

On Sunday James and I went for a walk around the local park/woods and lake. I was somewhat overdressed compared to the dog walkers and people fishing, but hey ho. :) It was so good to move again after a week or so of being so fatigued I could barely stay vertical.

Let's have a break for a gif, shall we?

Floppy felt hat, past season ASOS
Dolly coat, past season ASOS Curve
Necklace, New Look (not online, might be in stores)
Sheena wrap dress, Boohoo+
40 denier tights, eBay
New Look wide fit multi strap shoes past season New Look

Handbag, very old eBay

I'm wearing a 24 in the dress and it's really stretchy so it's fine. It's a bit clingy and the lycra fabric is pretty unforgiving, but no biggie. The tights I'm wearing because Mrs Bebe recommended them. They're for an up to 60 inch hip and my thunder thighs are bigger than that but they still fit. They're not the best tights for comfort to be honest, but they're not the worst either. They don't quite pull up all the way over my bubble butt, so they tend to fall down a bit as I walk. I walked all the way around the lake in them and they weren't too bad (I have been known to literally rip tights right off my body if they're really uncomfortable) but I was aware that the twin rear seams were dropping further down the backs of my thighs with time. I wanted a cheap pair of colourful tights to wear to funk up my outfits and they do the job - they cost £3.55 and are available in a bunch of colours. I may have ordered a couple more. ;) They're also quite good quality. The amount of times I've put my nails through cheap tights as soon as I put them on, but these have been worn twice and pulled up a LOT and are fine.

I've had another think about Fatshion February and I'm going to do it. I'm not sure if I'll post every day but I'll do my best. It'll give me a well needed chance to root through my clothes and pick out some to sell, some to donate and maybe some to take to clothes swaps. I also want to challenge my thought process where I only feel like an outfit is good enough if I'm dressed up to the nines. I don't really do casual - I'm an all or nothing girl. It's a dress and pretty shoes or my onesie! So my challenge to myself will be to do some casual looks and not freak out if I don't look 'put together' enough.

When I examine why I feel like this, I think it's because when you're fat you don't really get to do the whole tracksuit and sweaty hair thing. If you're less than a 100% groomed people tend to treat you like a leper. A smart fattie, no problems. A dressed down one? Viewed as a slob by a lot of people, I'm sure. At least in my experience. So yes, Fatshion February will be a good chance to do some ordinary outfits, because most of my days are ordinary! I'm don't do housework in Louboutins. I don't wash up wearing an ermine stole (fake fur all the way, daaahlinks!) and neither do most of you, I'm sure. :)

Thanks for listening to me waffle on.
Leah xoxo

About fat shamers

Hello lovelies!

I had this delightful missive the other day on Tumblr.



A couple of days later I was chatting to someone on Facebook about health and fitness and I said something off the cuff but it made me think of the fat-shaming spunk trumpet on Tumblr. This is what I said:

The older I get the more interested in health I am and the better I take care of myself, because I realise I deserve it.

Sometimes I don't realise how true something is until it falls out of my mouth.

So here's the deal - fat shamers want the right to abuse you for being fat, even if this makes you hate yourself and feel like you're not worth caring about. Then they will shame you for their assumption that you aren't taking care of yourself. (This is where judging on appearances makes an idiot of the judgemental party, but that's a blog for another time.) It's almost as if fat shamers could fully express themselves they'd say "Why don't you care about yourself, fatty? I mean the whole world is inferring you're worthless including me but you really should care about yourself more and do it in a way I approve of."

The world is thin-centric, and most lifelong-thin people are so used to this they don't even know it. From my early childhood onwards I was bombarded with messages implicit and explicit that fat is bad, that I am less than in comparison to thin people. How so? In magazines almost all of the people are thin. On tv and films almost all of the people are thin (unless they're playing a tragic/comic role or are playing a baddie.) In music almost all of the people are thin. You don't have to be a rocket scientist or have anyone vocalise this feeling of being less than (but of course living in a fat body is a lifelong invitation for arseholes to comment on your body anywhere and at any time.)

Fat shamers don't get to have it both ways - they don't get to say we're worthless in one breath and then demand we suddenly pull deep and abiding self-love out of our arses. Looking after ourselves mentally and physically is so easier when we love ourselves, because it's hard work. You don't want to work on something you hate. It has taken me 2-3 years of deliberately surrounding myself with body positive people for me to get to the point where I care about myself enough to take really good care of myself. I've made myself a priority because I deserve to be my first priority. (People with chronic illness really don't have any choice if they have a hope in hell of looking after anyone else in addition to themselves.) I've finally tuned the lifetime of shitty messages out and I won't put myself last any more.

Looking after yourself means something different to every single person but for me it is:

Remembering to take my meds.
Making sure to drink lots of water.
Trying to eat fruit and/or veg with every meal.
Trying to exercise on the days I have enough energy to.
Taking care of my skin.
Cooking more.
More orgasms. ;)
Pampering myself more - manis, pedis, baths, etc etc. 

People who feel they can comment on our bodies on the internet and real life with ZERO COMPASSION and then still expect us to jump up and say 'All this hate has sure got me in the mood for looking after myself!' are out of their goddamn tree, but whoever said fat shamers are logical?!

You cannot hate someone for their own good. You can't shame someone into better health (or the assumption someone would be in better health if they did things the same as you.) You cannot tear people down and expect them to rise up.

What do you think about fat shamers?
Thanks for reading.

Leah xoxo

Outfit | 5 Knots Max

Hello lovelies,

Happy Monday! I actually put clothes and make up on this weekend, whoo! I got out of my jammies and saw daylight after a week of feeling like utter crud. It was so good to do some exercise.

We went for a walk round Pevensey Harbour, near Eastbourne. It was a very nice walk but was bitterly cold and windy. I didn't wear anything special, just a plain black dress and a black and white scarf.

The photo above illustrates nicely how windy and cold it was! My face was beet red. When we got in it took hours for me to warm up.

We were 3/4 round the harbour at this point and I was regretting not wearing gloves or boots. But I've got my new unicorn bag so it's not all bad. :) When we go out to do photos I usually take a big bag to lug all my stuff in and sometimes a bag for show, which goes with my outfit but would never be big enough to carry all my junk in.

Dolly coat, past season ASOS Curve
Scarf, past season H&M
Dress, past season New Look Inspire
Shoes, from my friend Lauren
Unicorn bag, past season New Look
Hair flower, past season New Look

These novelty bags from New Look are so flat you can just about get a phone and lipstick in them, but they look so good I don't care. I think I have about 4 of the New Look novelty ones now. It's a bit of an addiction, and I've seen a preview for Spring/Summer '15 and there's a pineapple, strawberry, bananas and ice lollies. YUSSSSSSSS. See Pink Haired Princess' post for piccies!

James snapped this photo before we left. We stopped off for fish and chips on the way home. Yum.

What did you get up to this weekend?

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Cake, but not that kind

Hello sweet peas!

My friend Rachel posted a link on Facebook to a film called Cake, about a woman suffering with chronic pain. It stars Jennifer Aniston and it sounds promising as it'll shed light on millions of people who are going through it. Apparently Jen's character is addicted to pain pills and alcohol, which of course not everyone suffering chronic pain can identify with, but I'm hoping the film will help raise awareness regardless.

(If you're reading via email you will have to click through to watch the video.)



I'm thinking about doing Fatshion February again this year, and that has surprised me. A couple of days ago I was thinking 'I might start doing less outfit posts and go for quality over quantity' and then I thought again, in the short term at least. I have so much stuff it's a shame not to wear/use it, especially as I haven't really got dressed in the best part of a week, so doing FF might be a good way of giving some of my lesser worn items a wear. If I could, I'd do every single outfit post outside as the light and scenery is so much nicer than anywhere indoors (which in itself is a reason to spend this year prettifying the flat) but people around here are such rubberneckers that going out with the tripod on my own isn't an appealing thought after last time with so many people stopping to stare. Trying to get James out of the house again when he gets in from work is usually a no-go. He works so hard he's always tired, bless him. I need a robot photographer I can fire up just when I need it.

Anyway, watch this space. ;)

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Crown and Glory Glitterati Box

Hello love bugs,

I signed up to The Glitterati monthly subscription box from Crown and Glory three months ago on the recommendation of fellow glitter addict Laura. This is the first time I've been sensible enough to blog it. All but one of these items aren't on the website - and perhaps never will be - as many of the items are exclusive to The Gliterrati box.

The Glitterati box is just £20 a month including postage and this month's box had contents worth about £80. You also get access to a secret group on Facebook full of other glitter loving people with your subscription and from my limited interactions there it seems very supportive.

Lotta Rosie Clip Set - Sorbet

These little clips are so glittery!

This ribbon hairband is interesting. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to wear it yet but I'll work it out.

I love this scalloped crown and the colour is lovely.

I'm sure this marabou headband will tickle my ears but I look forward to wearing it at some point.

Expect to see most of these bits in outfit posts in due course.

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo

A little progress, kinda

Hello sweet peas,

I am feeling a little more mentally refreshed after a couple of days away from social media. My absence from Facebook in particular has made me realise it's the cause of much of my overwhelmed feelings.

I clicked a link to something earlier, not realising it was taking me to Facebook, and when it did I saw I had 4 messages. I could see the first line or so of each message in the overview. A couple were from concerned people, one from a bloke who's totally oblivious to everything apart from his cock, and one from someone wanting a favour from me (they wanted me to vote for something.)

I came away from Facebook because I'm sick of feeling overwhelmed and sick of feeling like I HAVE to respond/care no matter how shit I feel myself. The immediacy of Facebook messages is a troublesome one for me as I have to be mentally ready to engage with other people. That sounds bananas I know, but Fibro, CFS/ME and depression drain me so much I have to make sure I'm emotionally grounded before I can deal with other people sometimes.

I closed Facebook double quick without responding to anything as I just don't have it in me right now. I need my life temporarily free of demands upon me. Demands for my attention, demands that I care about things I have no energy to care about right now, demands demands demands. That's not to say I'm not there for my good friends - they have my phone number and can call or text me if they need me - but right now I have to be selfish and to be blunt a lot of what I experience on Facebook is just noise. If there's any beauty to be found in chronic illness or depression at all it's that sometimes you have to put yourself at the start, middle and end of your priorities and shut out anything non-essential.

My steam cup looks like a strange baby's face! :)

Right now I'm sleeping a minimum of 12 hours a day (sometimes as much as 14.) I feel as weak as a kitten. I have barely seen daylight since Friday. I have been in pyjamas or loungewear since Sunday. I haven't worn proper clothes since we went out on Saturday night, so there are no outfit photos to share. My chest infection is getting worse again and I'm coughing and sneezing so much it appears I'm getting another cold. My fridge is chock full of fruit and veg I'm not awake long enough to eat.

I'm doing better mentally than I am physically. Physically I'm wiped out. I haven't been this exhausted in years. This flu has wiped the floor with me.

I hope to have some kind of post up (other than me moaning!) in the next couple of days. I hope your week is going well.

Leah xoxo

Black dog version 2.0

Hello,

I'm having a bit of a mental health meltdown and I'm taking a little break from social media. I'm not sure if that's going to extend to blogging or not, but if I'm not here for a couple of days you know why. My tank is running on empty.

I wrote this on Facebook the other day:

You know, sometimes depression isn't sadness, it's.....numbness, and tiredness. It's a mental and physical drain. It's trying hard to care about other people but not quite managing to follow through with it because the tank is empty. There's nothing left for you, let alone anyone else. The intention is there but the energy to care isn't, because worrying about others takes precious energy you haven't got to give. It's getting no joy from things which usually excite you and everything feels like a chore, even the basics of life like eating and self care. And of course depression is a series of ups and downs - there's no stability, and that in itself is exhausting. Getting used to feeling like a blackboard wiped clean is one thing, but then a good day comes along, which in itself is great, until the low lands even lower in comparison to that one good day when your brain actually worked properly. 

To expand upon that, depression is also like being under siege. There's no tomorrow, there's no next week, there's no next month. There's nothing but surviving today, and when people want to talk about future plans they may as well be talking about next century. It seems like the less able I am to cope the more in demand I am, but I would feel like that at times like these. It's a running joke between James and I about the never-ending series of notifications on my phone. I've uninstalled Facebook Messenger on my phone (Oh the joys of being instantly contactable 24-7!) and it's on silent for the duration. 

Then there are the emails a blogger gets, everyone wanting their pound of flesh. The endless 'offers' which benefit me in no way at all, dressed up in words a 5 year old could see through. Combined with the pestering men who treat every social media channel of mine like a dating site I feel like I'm slowly being leached of life. 

It's time to decompress, binge watch my favourite crime shows and read lots, and fill up my energy tank again. I'll be back when it's time.

Have a great week.
Leah xoxo

Ted Baker make up set

Hello lovelies,

I haven't done a Christmas presents post as I got mostly money this year, but I will be showing some of the things I got in various posts here and there. My brother and sister in law bought me this set for Christmas and I'm really rather taken with it, not just for the makeup in it, but for the storage I can use it for as well. I'm a sucker for pretty storage.

It's a lovely set with a magnetic lid with a mirror in it and a drawer underneath. It has 2 nail polishes, 2 face highlighters, a blusher/highlight and a kabuki brush, a lip crayon, a lipstick, 2 gorgeously creamy eye shadow sticks, a liquid eyeliner, a mascara and an eyelash curler.

The blusher it is doesn't really show up on my skintone at all but makes my skin really soft so that's a bonus. The kabuki is losing hairs at such a rate I think it'll resemble Bruce Willis soon. ;) The lip crayon and lipstick are both lovely shades of red, and the eyeshadow sticks are both super soft and sheeny without being too in-your-face. The eyeliner has a felt tip nib, and is rather wet - I dislike dry nibs as they drag on my ol' girl eyelids and I end up looking like I did my makeup sitting on a seesaw. The mascara seems to be basic with a small but very flexible brush. The facial highlighers are great. I haven't done any more than swatch as yet but so far I'm impressed. The packaging of the makeup itself is very plasticky and basic, and probably wouldn't hold up to being bashed about in a makeup bag for long, but I understand quality has to be compromised somewhat to make sets like these viable at Christmastime.

As luck has it, Ted Baker doesn't test on animals (according to PETA, who seem to be the best authority on such matters.) YES! Now I know this I will happily buy my friends and relatives TB goodies at Christmas. I just love it when big companies buck the trend and don't test on animals. There's really no need these days.

As you can see there's lots of room left in the box - with all the contents taken out of their plastic trays it all fits in the top part - so I look forward to stashing more makeup in the bottom. My makeup collection is currently partly in the living room in faux leather storage cubes under our coffee table (the cubes double up as footrests - heaven!) and partly in my IKEA Alex unit in the bedroom. The bedroom is very dark and I no longer have a dressing table so I do all my makeup in the living room at present - the light is so much better there too. I keep meaning to swap makeup out from my stash in the living room and pull some things out of the bedroom which haven't been used in a while, but I keep falling for new goodies from Makeup Revolution and buying new things instead. Aaaargh.

This also matches my lovely mirror my friend Rachel bought me.

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo

Beauty || Makeup Rev Hard Day eyeshadow palette

Hello love bugs!

I'm a big beauty hoarder, not that you'd realise it from my blog. One of my aims for the blog this year is to do a beauty post at least once a week.

Here's Makeup Revolution's Hard Day 18 eyeshadow palette. It comes with a mirror in the lid. I hate eyeshadow palettes without mirrors.

The colours are absolutely stunning, and work best over an eyeshadow primer or you will find longevity limited.

I'm wearing matte shades from the palette in this photo (alongside a plum eyeliner from VIVO on the top and metallic gold eyeshadow from Sleek MakeUP on the bottom).

This is a super versatile palette and I can't wait to do more looks with it.

The palette is £6 here and in selected Superdrug stores.

Have you got this palette?

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Outfit Post || Green and gold

Hiya pickles!

I bought this dress from the ASOS Curve sale for £9 because there was an extra 10% off code at the time. What a bargain! I don't have a lot of green in my wardrobe, which I had to address.

It's a one shoulder dress, and you can see what it looks like without the shrug covering it a few photos down. I don't have a suitable bra for this dress, and those multi-way things look more like bondage than something I want to put on my body to hold my chesticles aloft, so a shrug (and a well placed brooch to hold the shrug and dress together if I were going out) covers up the expanse of bra on show.

Dresses with ruching or draping on the sides are so flattering for me. (I know the F word is an unpopular one in fat circles but I don't mind a bit of a flattering cut on the odd occasion.) I do have a waist in there somewhere but it's not a particularly well defined one, so ruching draws the eye in and I like the shapeliness it creates.

ASOS Curve one shoulder dress, past season Asos Curve
Short sleeve shrug, JD Williams £28
Hair band, Christmas present
Woolly feel tights, Big Bloomers Co £19.95
Cynthia embellished bow shoes, past season Very
Earrings, Sister Vintage (currently on hiatus)
Chunky ring, past season Primark
Lipstick, Makeup Revolution Make it Right £1


I love love LOVE this hair band, which my friend Lis gave me for Christmas. It's just perfect. Even James is rather in love with it. Hands off, it's miiiine!

I'm wearing a green eyeshadow from the Makeup Revolution Give Them Nightmares palette.

Have you snapped up any bargains in the sales?

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo

Bimuno IBS pastilles update

Hello honey buns,

Before Christmas I held a giveaway for some Bimuno prebiotics IBS pastilles and wrote about the product as well. This is a follow up post to let you know how I got on.

First, let's recap some details.

So, what is IBAID? From the website:

At Bimuno we understand the impact digestive health can have on your ability to enjoy life to the full. Bimuno^® Intestinal Bifidobacteria Aid (IBAID) is a new and convenient way to help maintain intestinal balance and comfort. This unique patented formulation has been specially developed by international experts in digestive health.

Bifidobacteria are naturally occurring ‘good’ bacteria, present in the gut, which help maintain gut health. Scientific studies indicate that the unique second generation prebiotic Galacto-oligosaccharide formulation of Bimuno IBAID, helps encourage and sustain a healthy level of these ‘good’ bacteria. By helping to increase and strengthen your Bifidobacteria, you can help to maintain intestinal comfort.

Bimuno IBAID is ideal for people who are looking for an effective means of managing their gut health. Since the beneficial effects of Bimuno IBAID build over time, it is recommended as part of your daily routine.

The pastilles are soft and chewable with no discernible taste, and the suggested dose is two pastilles after breakfast, so you get a 15 days supply per packet.

I took the pastilles just before Christmas, during and just after Christmas. This was a period of time where I was away from home on and off for almost a week, eating out and eating different food to usual. Normally this would lead IBS hell with stomach upsets and pain but things were a little better with Bimuno. It made no difference at all to my bloating, I have to say, but it did have an effect on pain (I had none while I was taking it) and the horrible churning feeling IBS brings me on a virtually daily basis. I found that when I was taking Bimuno....how can I say this delicately? I can't. I was passing wind a lot more when I was taking the pastilles, almost as if I was blowing out the effects of IBS!

Because of the cost of Bimuno (it's £9.99 for a 15 day supply, although there is a 3 for 2 offer on the website) it's not something I would use regularly (since I've given up bread I'm in less discomfort anyway) but I would certainly use it for holidays and trips away where I would be likely to eat differently to usual - probably starting it a week before a holiday and continuing just afterwards to make sure I had the full benefit.

Have you got IBS? Have you found anything to soothe it? Diet changes have helped me a lot.

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo