Kill 'em with fire or kill 'em with kindness?

Hello sweets,

Something that any woman on social media knows is that there are a lot of people out there who enjoy making women feel shitty about themselves. It's almost like a sport to them. Add fatness into the woman + social media equation and you may as well wear a bullseye on your front.

Last night I got a comment on my fatkini photo on Instagram, and I decided to respond to it. I normally block concern trolls/health judgers immediately and move on as my self worth doesn't hinge on other people's opinion of me and I don't usually care to engage with nasty-minded fools.

Yesterday the family got a bit of bad news and when people I love are going through shit it reminds me to treat people with compassion even more than usual. Hence rather than telling this person to go fuck themselves with a chic 1970s pineapple ice bucket (as I once instructed one concern troll) I decided to respond like a responsible adult.

Here's what they said and how I replied.

It's entirely up to you whether you choose to engage with haters on the internet. Let that sink in. You do not have to respond. If you respond you do not have to respond politely. (Seriously, people who are rude then get butt hurt if we aren't polite in response need to go choke on a pineapple. And people who whine when harassed people take their accounts private and can no longer be harassed need to choke on a medley of pineapples of all shapes and sizes.)

I usually report comments - if they're particularly gross - then block the offending account as I'd rather concentrate on the great people online. For some reason I decided I would engage with this person - I'm not sure why. I went into it taking the higher ground and assuming they are capable of a critical thought and a change of opinion. From past experience I would say thinking optimistically about concern trolls is futile at best and utterly demented at worst, but I live in hope of being proved wrong one day. :)

All I can hope is by being fearless in my self-love it encourages people to think a little differently about themselves and others. I live in hope that all it needs is a shift in perspective to stop concern trolls/health judgers from turning their shitty behaviour into shitty habits which ultimately culminate in them living shitty lives. I choose to love people on a daily basis because when I'm ashes in the wind or rotting in the ground I want my legacy to be pure love. How we treat others is a choice, and I want to be remembered for more good than bad. I want to be remembered for lifting people up, not bringing them down, or else it will have been a wasted life.

So sweet peas, a reminder - no matter what you look like you deserve to live a life free of stigma and ridicule in your body. Whether you are dieting or happy as you are. Whatever you eat, whatever exercise you do, whatever whatever whateverrrrr. There should be no qualifying behaviours for a person to be treated like a uh, yanno, person.

What say ye about health judging people and concern trolls? Kill 'em with fire, or kill 'em with kindness?

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Unconditional Body Beautiful part 2 - The heart

Hello, here's part 2 of Rebecca's Unconditional Body Beautiful body posi challenge.

I've chosen to not use the word 'bust' in the title to keep strange men away. ;)

UNCONDITIONAL BODY BEAUTIFUL - PART 2: THE HEART (BUST)

This is about how do you feel about your bust? How does it influence your fashion choices? How do your girls influence your day to day life? Are you happy with the size of them in relation to the rest of your body? Do you have a bra-drama story to tell?

If you could get a boob job, would you? Have you? Do you think your chest defines your femininity? Or not?

I'm at peace with my boobs now, because I've realised mine are perfectly normal, and perfectly unique. Growing up it was a different matter entirely, as this was the era of Baywatch and page 3 boobs shoved in my face every time I saw a Sun newspaper, and there was zero representation of bodies like mine in the media. In fact it was only a few years ago when I joined Tumblr that I started to see lots of different bodies and lots of different boobs and realised mine were absolutely fine. My partners have always liked my boobs but I don't think it's a good idea to base my self esteem on other people's opinions of my body. They've gone up and down in size as I have, but they've usually been reasonably in proportion to the rest of me so I have no complaints. I don't tend to wear blouses or shirts much because of the issue of straining buttons over my bust, but it's a small problem and there are no other issues I find with clothes because of my boobs.

Bras however have been the bane of my life. I wish I had a pound for every time I've been stabbed by a broken underwire or waved goodbye to a £20+ bra when the wire has popped out and refused to go back in no matter how many times I sewed it back in. I have a bra graveyard full of bras I can't bear to part with but are essentially useless. On top of that there's always been the compromise between comfort and uplift. I love my Goddess bras, and they are very comfortable, but they don't give me a cleavage and don't really do much for lift either. I have 2 Evans concealed wire bras which give phenomenal lift and a killer cleavage. I'd forgotten my boobs could look like this!

I don't think boobs make a person feminine or not. Are women with very small boobs less feminine? Nope. Kate Moss has done very well for herself, wouldn't you agree? Does a woman who has a mastectomy become less of a woman? Of course not. Femininity is an incredibly complex thing made up of a mixture of physical characteristics, attitude and gestures and I think both men and women share a mixture of feminine and masculine qualities. Boobs do not equal femininity. I'm glad I have them, but I would be no less of a woman without them.

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

About 'promoting obesity'.

Hello!

For many (most?) of my usual readers, this might be preaching to the choir, but today I want to talk about the bullshit phrase 'promoting obesity'.

promote

prəˈməʊt

verb

verb: promote

1.

support or actively encourage (a cause, venture, etc.); further the progress of.

synonyms:

encourage, further, advance, assist, aid, help, contribute to, foster, nurture, develop, boost, stimulate, forward; advocate, recommend, urge, support, back, endorse, champion, speak for, proselytize, sponsor, espouse, push for, work for

Do I encourage fatness? Do I further it? Do I advance, assist, aid, help, foster, nurture, develop, boost, stimulate, forward, advocate it? Yadda yadda yadda. No. I simply dare to exist in my body without the shame society expects/demands me to have. When I refuse to be shamed or refuse to hate myself that's when the bigots crawl out of the woodwork. 'Promoting obesity' is a bullshit phrase used by people who want to deny basic human rights to people based on a physical characteristic. For all the posturing and the fake concerns for our health that is what it boils down to - bigotry. Pure and simple.

I'm fat, and I exist. I'm not promoting it. I'm just living my life. I breathe, but that doesn't mean I promote breathing. I have hazel eyes and freckles, but I don't promote them. The only thing I promote is not being a dick to other people to boost a superiority complex. I don't want to eradicate people who aren't fat and I've never heard of anyone who does. I don't encourage anyone else to try to become fat, and I'm certain no one has ever seen a photo of me then jumped up and declared 'Whoooo! It's the fat life for me!'

I want to be allowed to live my life in the face of overwhelming bigotry and I want that for everyone. I don't walk down the street carrying a placard that says 'Be fat or die!' I ask for the same rights as anyone - to exist, to be happy, to flourish, to be loved, to be treated equally. Many would say those rights are my due, but a small percentage would say I deserve nothing good because I have more adipose tissue than others. Isn't that ridiculous?

Imagine if you will that suddenly thin people are despised. Yes, let's pretend just for a moment.

'Jeez, that's just promoting thinness!' 
'Ugh, if they keep making clothes for thin people they won't put on weight!'
'Who does that thin bitch think she is, wearing nice clothes and pretending like that's normal?!'
'God, she's so unhealthy! I bet she eats nothing but quinoa and mung beans! That's not a balanced diet!'
'Who could find THAT attractive?'
'Ugh, all thin people should just die.'
'That person is totally going to die young or get ill and use up all my tax £/$!'
'That's just setting a bad example! Won't someone think about the children?!'

Shaming people on their physical characteristics is ludicrous.

Fat people daring to exist, quietly minding their own business is a big problem for bigoted asshats all over the internet. I don't know of any fat person with a secret desire to take over the world and kill all the slim people. We're not the ones who want to eradicate a percentage of the populace just because of the way they look. We're just doing our thing, living our lives and getting judged all the time.

I have a lot of friends and sometimes I like hanging around with other people who know what it's like to be 'othered' constantly. I have friends of all sizes though, because I'm not a bigoted jerk. I don't have size requirements for people who get to be in my life. I just go by 'Don't be an arsehole' and expect the same from my friends.

I've heard some ludicrous things typed by internet warriors such as 'Having clothes to fit fatties just encourages them.' Err, do you want to see us naked? No? Then shut the fuck up. If you think fat people deserve to wear sheets until we slim down enough to fit in 'normal' clothes, you really are a piece of work.

What do you think about the phrase 'promoting obesity'?

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo