Saturday, 30 March 2013

Recent make up look

Hiya loves!

After 3-4 weeks of having to avoid make up because my eyes were so sensitive I'm tentatively getting back into wearing it. Here's a look I did a few days ago. It's not great shakes in the scheme of things, but because it's the prettiest I've looked in weeks I wanted to celebrate it!


I used:

Avon Ideal Flawless foundation
MUA Glamour Nights eye palette (lilac & dark grey shades.)
Benefit They're Real! mascara
Body Shop brow powder
Carina Dolci pink lip frosting
Famous X shimmer brick (old, before they relaunched.)

I'm loving my undercut, by the way....aside from getting a cold ear now and then!

I hope you're having a lovely weekend. Any plans?

Thanks for reading!


My nail polish collection - purples and lilacs

Hiya pickles!

You can find part 1 of my collection here and part 2 here.

You can click on all photos for larger images.

Nails Inc InStyle, Nails Inc Duke Street, MUA Frozen Yoghurt, Models Own Southern Lights, Barry M 313 Dusky Mauve.


 Front Cover Moonrock, Accessorize Magical Mocha, Front Cover Palevioletred, Star Gazer 123.


Sally Hansen Vigorous Violet, Technic purple nail art pen, Barry M 312 Indigo, Models Own Boogie Nights, 17 purple mini (from a set.)


W7 Metallic Mercury, W7 Metallic Venus, elf Dark Glitter Purple, Elf Party Purple.


Accessorize Purple Passion, elf Royal Purple, Nails Inc Duchess Street, Ruby & Millie Purple.


I think I have more purple and pink nail polish than any other colour - how about you? 

Thanks for reading!

Friday, 29 March 2013

Quick look at MUA eye brushes

Hiya Easter bunnies!

I've finally got my hands on the MUA eye make up brushes I'd been lusting over.

E1 Eye Shadow Brush
E2 Eye Shadow Contour Brush
E3 Blending Eye Shadow Brush
E7 Eyebrow Brush



They're all super soft and have synthetic bristles so are cruelty free. I will report back soon once I've used them.

You can buy the brushes from the MUA website here. The 4 I bought were £1.95 in price but prices do vary according to the brush.

What are your favourite brushes?

Thanks for reading! Happy Easter.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

MUA Power Pout chubby lip tint review - Part 1

Hello loves!

As soon as I saw these chubby lip tints on MUA's Facebook page I bought them on a whim. They arrived this morning. You can click on all photos to see larger images.

Here's what MUA have to say about this new line:

Available in six rich bold shades from chic nude ‘Rendezvous’ to deep rich raspberry ‘Broken Hearted’, our new colour intense lip tints will ensure your lips will look good enough to kiss! MUA Power Pout is a lip treatment with colour intensity that relieves dry, cracked lips providing immediate moisturisation. The handy pencil-style applicator provides easy to apply sheer soft lip colour and rolls up for easy use. Ensure you have the most kissable lips this spring and kisses they will remember forever… Available in shades Rendez Vous, Irreplaceable, Crazy in Love, Runway, Justify and Broken Hearted.



Irreplaceable - pink
Justify - orange
Runway - red


The pink shade Irreplaceable is by far the most opaque and is my favourite of the three shades I have. They have a minty taste and feel very moisturising on, but don't offer long term moisturisation past the point of wear. For just £3 each I wouldn't expect them to.

A heads up - don't trust the lids. I popped the pink shade into my bag in a hurry this morning, then realised the lid had come off 2 minutes later when I reached into my bag. The inside of my bag is now pink and minty! Oops.


Although they are very sheer, they do leave a slight stain, as seen in the bottom left photo (above.)

All in all, they're very pretty little shades for spring and summer and for £3 each you can afford to experiment. They'd be ideal for a subtle wash of colour, perhaps for work, or layered on top of a brighter shade to add a touch of glossiness.

Do you think you'll be trying these lip tints?

Thanks for reading! Find Part 2 here

OMCZ Challenge 3 - Pink on Tap

Hiya lovebirds!



Doesn't time fly?! Seriously, blink and 2 weeks have passed.
The challenge, if we chose to accept it *Mission Impossible voice* was this:


1. Date Due:  Wednesday, March 27th
2. Time Due prior to noon your time.
3. Challenge Piece: Leggings/Tights
4. Challenge Color: Bright/Hot Pink
5. Challenge Pattern: Stripes
YES! I LOVE this challenge!




Hot pink, black and white is my favourite colour combination ever and this outfit is probably my favourite so far. This is really 'me'.
Outfit details:
Dress - Anna Scholz (via eBay)
Leggings, Yours  
Boots, Tesco
Belt, ASOS
Hair flower, gift 


Thanks for looking!
What's your favourite colour combination? 

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Beauty blender sponges

Hello loves!

I bought two beauty blender style sponges for applying foundation recently.


I bought them from eBay for 99p each. The real Beauty Blender sponges are £16 each so I didn't have high hopes for these cheapies, but I was wrong!

I used one today and it is amazing! It gives a totally flawless foundation application. Normally foundation really clogs in my pores and looks horrible. It didn't clog my pores at all. I'm really chuffed. I used the peach coloured one. I wet it slightly under the tap then tapped my foundation on.

You can see a video about how to use them here:



Have you ever tried a beauty blender sponge?

Thanks for reading.

Monday, 25 March 2013

Oops, moar hair pics!

Hiya dolls,

I was meant to post these with my outfit post just now.


My hair makes me giggle in these photos as it's 'wahey party' on one side and old lady bouffant on the other! (Especially in the middle photo!)

Thanks for peeking.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

My week in photos - including new hair cut!

Hello lovelies!

I hope you're having a lovely weekend. This afternoon finds me slightly hungover but very happy after a great night out last night celebrating my other mother's 50th*. Earlier in the week we celebrated my friend's 30th. I also got my new phone (HTC One) so it's been an amazing week!

Clockwise from top left -

New henna made my hair super shiny//JP's birthday card from me/balloons for his birthday//birthday cake//my new phone//menu in an awesome BBQ place in town//main course/starter. Main pic - Rach & JP (with his birthday girl badge I bought him - ha!)


Clockwise from top left -

The birthday girl Linda//Rach// JP//Rach & JP//James pretending to be a vicar//doesn't he make a pretty lady?!


 Here are some sneaky new hair pics for you.


I have a post coming up tomorrow with my outfit post from last night and lots moarrrrrrrrr hair photos too!

Thanks for reading! Have a great week. 

*Rach is going to Canada for a year from May, so her mum Linda has decided to adopt me for the year so we can go to lunch and other things together.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Why I blog

Hi all!

I was reading Vicky's blog and saw her post about why she blogs, which I thought was a brilliant idea for a post.

So, why do I blog?

I started blogging about 6 or 7 years ago. At the time I had a hideously stressful job, and I used my blog as part diary, part venting place - but in retrospect a punch bag would've been more therapeutic! I was using MySpace at the time, but when that became distinctly uncool and my friends had left in droves I jumped ship to Facebook. At first I'd write pieces using the Notes function there, but it was a poor second to a proper blog, so I came back here in 2009 (I'd had a blog here before but hardly ever used it.)

I wasn't sure what I wanted to say when I started blogging again - I just wanted to say something. I've written my whole life. A pad and pen has hardly ever been out of my grasp since I learned to write. When I was a kid I used to write lots of stories about fairytale princesses who had lots of exotically named brothers and sisters. When asked as a child what I wanted to be the answer was always 'An author!'

Blogging sates the hunger within me to write. At some point I would like to live out my childhood dream to write a book, but I think I'll always find something to blog about. My close friends and friends on Facebook have been nagging me to write my autobiography for ages, because they've heard a lot of my life experiences, which in a nutshell include - being born into abject poverty, having a very deprived childhood yet making it into a grammar school, single parent family - no dad around till my teens were almost over, teenage years from hell living with my mum's violent predatory alcoholic boyfriend, domestic abuse, a series of serious accidents, drug and alcohol use/abuse, being arrested, finally starting my childhood in my late 20s, living it up in London's clubs every weekend, loads of gigs and festivals, going through loads of shitty men, finally met a good one, 2 ectopic pregnancies, near death, Fibromyalgia and CFS. Whoa, what a ride! I'll have to change names to protect the guilty, as many of the characters are still alive ;) I've started laying down the bare bones of it. My friend Michelle is my cheerleader, emailing me regularly to ask for progress....but writing is something I want to do for fun rather than as a job. I think my autobiography would be an interesting starting point, to get me into proper writing mode - even if no more than my close friends read it. If I wrote for money, I think it'd take all the joy out of it. So you're stuck with me, I'm afraid! 

I've found my home in the plus size community. In the past I've dabbled with trying to be a beauty blogger, and a few other things, but I realise putting limitations on myself is stupid. All along I was worrying about what kind of blogger I should be, but now I know exactly who I should be - me.

The thing I enjoy the most about blogging is interacting with my readers and other bloggers. I love the connection. Having people comment on my posts is a massive thrill and I love replying to comments. I like getting to know as many of you as I can by chatting to you on Twitter or following your blogs. I'm a very social person, and now my health isn't so great I'm not able to be as gregarious in real life as I was before, so being chatty with people online is something I really love.

If you blog, why? What drives you?

Thanks for reading.

Friday, 22 March 2013

A cautionary tale about Google+ photos

Hello lovelies!

As many of you will know, I am in the process of replacing 1000 photos which are missing from my blog.

'How did this happen?!' you may be thinking. Well, what happened is really easy to do and very difficult to remedy, which is why I want to blog about it.

I recently upgraded my Android phone to another Android phone, changing networks for a better deal. Hubby the techno geek insisted rather than doing everything in the transfer manually, it'd be best to back up my texts, contacts, and everything else with a specialised app, which I bought from the Google Play store. I started the process, but I didn't have enough storage on my SD card to complete the back up. I'd already taken all my photos and videos I'd taken off my phone, so I was perplexed to see folders of photos on my phone that said 'Instant Upload'. Each album had 500 photos in it. I tried deleting them off my phone, but they wouldn't delete. You have to go to G+ to get rid of these photos from your phone (or at least that appears to be the case at the moment.)

At this point Techno Man came in with his dastardly cape and tights duo and decided to save the day. He went into my Google account and discovered said photos were linked to my Google+ account, which I don't use. I've never logged into it, never done a thing, so what harm could it do? Uh, a shitfuckton of harm, actually. Before I could say 'No, Techno Man, no!' and pull a damsel in distress face he'd deleted two folders containing 1000 photos.

Soon after I realised my blog was missing dozens and dozens of photos. After a quick look around it turned out there were photos missing from the present day right back to last June. This short video sums up my feelings on the subject:



Holy mother of procreation Techno Man, what do we do now?

Sob gently, sob gently.

This is the important bit. Blogger is a Google service. Whether you use a G+ account or not, your blog photos are uploaded to G+ and if you delete them from your G+ account they will also disappear from your Blogger blog. Dems the breaks, kiddo.

In trying to free a little room on my SD card, 7- 8 months of blog photos were wiped out. To coin a phrase, just like that. 

Now, I could probably have tried to appeal to the faceless giant in a bid to get my photos restored, but instead I did something more productive. I sat in the corner and headbutted the wall until my head looked like a dropped watermelon. Just kidding about the last bit.

Thus far I've replaced two and a half months of photos, so there's 'just' the rest to go. Please don't make the same mistake as I did. Leave yo' G+ photos well alone.

New concepts coming soon from Google - we control your thoughts and don't go to toilet without telling us. Thanks for reading!

Have you ever made a hideous faux pas?

Let me tell you about the time I single-handedly wiped millions of pounds off of Comet's P&L and caused an emergency board meeting...or perhaps I'll save that for my autobiography?!

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Heads Up - Missing blog photos

Hello loves,

My darling husband has deleted a load of my blog photos. He was trying to free up space on my phone (as I've upgraded my phone) but somehow found himself in my Google account and deleted 900 photos from my blog.

I have no words (well none that don't begin with F or C.)

I'll be spending quite some time trying to restore order.

Thanks for your patience in the meantime.

My nail polish collection - silver, grey & grurple

Hiya loves!

Here's another post about my nail polish collection. Today I have silver, grey and grurple (grey + purple) shades to show you.

Models Own Blizzard, Technic silver nail art pen, Barry M 203 Grey, 17 silver mini (no name), Revlon 04 mini. 


Famous Starry Night (old, before their re-brand), Nails Inc Berkeley Square, Models Own Gun Grey, Models Own Purple Grey, elf Metal Madness, Tony Moly GT02. 


Have you got any of these?

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Stuff N 'Tings in photos

Howdy!

Here are Aza's giveaway prizes all wrapped off ready for their long trip to Indonesia.


Hark, a new tablecloth! It's so summery and YELLOW! It really cheers the living room up. It smells of that new plastic smell as well *inhales deeply*.


Here are a couple of new bits from Very which will be featured in outfit posts VERY soon!


Gorgeous, aren't they?! Come back at 6pm for an outfit post? Thank you!

Monday, 18 March 2013

Giveaway Winner

Hello all!

The winner of my giveaway was:


Congratulations Aza!

I've sent you a tweet but if you see this first please email me your full name and address to leahjdm@gmail.com.

Thank you to everyone who entered. 

I may hold another giveaway at 200 readers, if I get there.

Thanks for reading and do pop back later, I have an outfit post at 6pm.


Sunday, 17 March 2013

St Patrick's Day dot manicure NOTD

Hello lovelies.

I saw a great St Patrick's Day dot manicure on Kelly's blog which I liked so much it inspired me to do my own.

I haven't got any Irish in me, but I wouldn't mind some....that accent! Ooft. 



I used Barry M 299 Racing Green, elf Mint Cream and a Sally Hansen Lickety Split Lime. I used dotting tools from the Born Pretty store.

Do you ever do nail art? 

Thanks for reading.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Safe and unsafe places for fat people

Hiya lovelies!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about being fat recently and I've been re-examining the beliefs I've had since I was a small child. I'm about to start CBT for depression and anxiety disorder shortly so I've been examining what I think, and why. Call it homework.

The beliefs I have about safe and unsafe places for fat people partly come from my mum's coaching and partly from my own experiences of life in a fat body. My mum used to be fat, and she had a hard life (she's since lost a lot of weight.) She had her own viewpoint on safe and unsafe places, which were probably made up in part by her own experiences and in part from the coaching from her mother, who was also fat. The things we do to our kids, eh?

I remember as a child being told things by my mum like 'That shop isn't for us', 'People like us can't go in there' and more importantly 'We can't wear things like that.' My mum didn't mean any harm, but she had marked me out as different and given me an introduction to the belief system I wouldn't even question for almost thirty years. That's effed up. The things we say to children are so, so important.

I grew up with messages both spoken and implied and it conditioned me into a state of submission. When you're a child or teenager and no one on tv or in films looks like you (and if they do look like you they are usually portrayed in a bad light) it gives you a sense of 'wrongness' which can take a lifetime to shirk. Add tormenting kids at school and ignorant family members and the conditioning to be in a state of apology for my body was set in stone. The way adults speak to fat children can be awful and incredibly damaging. I had a horrible childhood in some ways because certain members of my family were careless with their words and I'd been brought up to respect my elders no matter what. Now, when I hear someone fat-shaming a child I wish I could rewind my life and show it to them in x30 speed so they can see the potential damage they can cause through constant repetition of cruel words.

Places I feel safe (and by 'safe' I mean feel totally at home in.)


In the rock/metal community. The whole community has an outcast feel to it, so people tend to take you as you are. So rock pubs, clubs, gigs and festivals are places where I feel at home.

In the biker community. Bikers tend to be hedonists - loving booze, grub, good music and good times - as anyone who's been to the Bulldog Bash can attest. It's a 4 day biker meet held every August which is policed by Hells Angels and is as much fun as you can have with your clothes on. I've been 8 or 9 times even though I can't ride a bicycle let alone a motorbike! It's a very cool community who again accept you on your own merits, not on what you look like.

With friends and family, the latter who know by now to keep their gobs firmly shut unless they want me to rip them a new one. As a child I was told to respect my elders, but as an adult I only give respect where it's due. I have a wide circle of friends of all ages and backgrounds. I don't expect anyone to treat me differently because I'm fat, and if someone does, then they're not my friend. I don't associate with shallow idiots.

In shops who sell clothes to fit me.


Places I don't feel safe

Pretty much everywhere else but especially nightclubs (meat markets), pubs full of lads (dickheads) and on public transport (where people get territorial over the amount of space they feel is theirs, and resent sharing it with a fat body.)

What are your safe and unsafe places?

I might add I've been working for the last 15 years to undo some of the thought processes I'd learned in my early life. The thoughts about not being able to shop in some stores or wear certain things are gone. If I want to shop somewhere I will (but if they don't sell clothes to fit me I refuse on principle to buy anything else from them) and if I want to wear something I damn well will.

By the time I was a teenager I was so uptight about myself, about all the things I was told (explicitly or by implication) I couldn't do that I had so many hangups. I cared far too much what other people thought of me - or what I thought they thought of me. It was only when my nan died almost 15 years ago that I realised life is for living, not for accepting the little boxes other people try to put us in, and certainly not for worrying about what people might think of us. You have to live for yourself, not other people.

I slowly began my metamorphosis. I soon realised that in a lot of social situations, people are too busy having their own fun to stop and stare at the fat girl dancing like it's the last day of her life, and if they do....well, stuff 'em!

My self-acceptance journey is still ongoing. As time goes by I increasingly question the way I think about myself and about the shackles of societal discrimination I still bear despite my best efforts. Every day I strive to give less of a shit and to live my life for me. I don't want to be on my deathbed full of regrets that I hadn't been able to be myself because I was too busy worrying about what society dictates is seemly behaviour for a fat person. I want to be laughing my arse off thinking 'What a ride!' I will get there.

Over to you - what do you think on this subject?

Thanks for reading.

Double dots OOTD

Hi lovelies!

I have a double dotty-licious outfit post for you today.




Outfit details:

Cardi, Very (from ebay)
Dress, Evans
Leggings, Very
Boots, Tesco
Necklace, Bluebirds and Daisies
Flower ring, Bluebirds and Daisies

What's your favourite print?

Thanks for reading.

Friday, 15 March 2013

My nail polish collection - blue & teal

Hiya all!

I recently did a post about my nail polish collection. I have a scary amount of nail polish and thought I'd post photos with a list of the names and shades.

Because I have about 170 bottles at the moment I need to break it down into smaller chunks.

Here we go with blue and teal shades.

(Many of my polishes are from sets - mini bottles, etc) and they don't come with a name. When this is the case I'll say so.)

L-R - Zoya Blu, George from Asda glitter (not sure of name/number, most of label illegible), Models Own Freak Out, W7 Metallic Neptune, Barry M 212 Navy.


L-R - Nails Inc Motcomb Street, La Femme Smooth Velvet, Avon Classic Fit, OPI Into The Night, MUA Shade 1.


Nails Inc Eden Grove, Barry M 334 Teal, Revlon 37 (from a set), 17 teal mini (from a set, no name), Hello Kitty for Boots teal (from a set, no name.)


Eventually I want to swatch my whole collection. Yes, I must be insane!

Thanks for reading!

Monday, 11 March 2013

Snow day and huge nail polish collection

Hiya lovelies!

Today I decided to document my entire nail polish collection, which is about 170 bottles! You could say I'm a collector. I took photos of them all then grouped them by colour, took photos and listed all the names. It took a few hours and I'll be posting photos gradually over the coming weeks. Here's a snippet of the goodies to come!


We had a lot of snow today and it's still coming down. I asked hubby to pick up some food shopping on the way home as I knew our shopping delivery would be cancelled. It was. We should be OK for 3-4 days so hopefully the snow will melt by the end of the week.


Hubby is having a snow day tomorrow.

Have you had snow? Do you collect anything?

Thanks for reading.

Eye have a problem

Hello dolls,

I have a problem with my eyes, hence the title of this blog.

Being chronically ill is like slowly being robbed of the things you love. It happens so gradually that you only realise what's going on when you look to the past. I had a normal life involving lots of work, lots of socialising, lots of exercise and most importantly, the freedom to be myself. By that, I mean the freedom to express my personality through hair and make up. You can have a quick look at some of my hair and make up of old in this post here. Beware, there's years of evidence of over-plucked brows in there, haha.

After I became allergic to hair dye all the funky coloured hair styles of the past stopped. I had wondered if a day would come where I would become allergic to make up but hoped that would never be the case. In my youth a quick swipe of eyeliner or eyeshadow and some mascara was enough for me. Now I'm fast outgrowing a dressing table stuffed to bursting with make up and skincare products, and now I can't wear any eye make up for longer than 10 minutes before I have to wash it off because I can't see.

My eyes are SO dry. It's a condition which seems to be common to Fibromyalgia (you can read about dry eyes here) and also a couple of my meds make it worse. When my eyes start to burn (which is every day) they start to water. Because my eyes are so dry, there's too much salt in my tears and not enough lubricant. No matter how much my eyes water (and they water constantly when they're irritated) it doesn't help. It gets so bad I can't even open my eyes at times. Cig smoke sets it off, my neighbours underneath (who seem to cook onions all day every day) set it off, cold air sets it off, steam from cooking sets it off... and it is effing miserable.



Within 10 minutes of putting mascara or eyeliner on my eyes start to stream, then the pain kicks in and I have to close my eyes until it goes away. I need to see my GP about it, but that got pushed to the background since I've been nursing the mister.

While I was at my aunt's this weekend my eyes were streaming by the evening as usual so she gave me an Optrex eye wash to use. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! The relief was almost instantaneous. It was cooling and refreshing and it stopped the watering within about a minute. I just bought a few eye products from an online chemist to ease the symptoms. At least until I get to see my GP I know there will be some temporary relief. I'm not sure what's going to happen on the make up front. I hope I can be prescribed some artificial tears which will prevent the watering. If that doesn't change the irritation caused by eye make up I'll have to look out for hypoallergenic makeup or experiment to see which products don't irritate my eyes. I hope to find products that are kind to my eyes and kind to animals too....but feel that might be too big an ask.

And if the unthinkable happens and I can't wear eye make up any more? I'll have my eyeliner tattooed on and will wear the brightest lipsticks imaginable to draw attention from my eyes. I will not let this illness take away another one of my joys.

Have you had to give up something you were passionate about? If so, what was it and how did you deal with it?

Thanks for reading.

Now the mister is out from under my feet I have quite a lot of catching up to do with blog posts.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

My week/weekend in photos

Hello lovelies.

This week was the second week in a row hubby had been off work after he had his ingrown toenail removed, so by Friday I was really tired from a fortnight of running around after him. I needed a break from domesticity and needed someone to look after me, so we went to visit my family. Here are some photos from my week and weekend.

My cauliflower fascinator - do you think it'll catch on?//Lovely clouds//Fog hiding the sea//Being a poser


All of my family live in Kent, where I was born. We go back to visit my family (or hubby's) about every 6-8 weeks or so, but a weekend is never enough time to see everyone so we have to take it in turns to stay with different people each time we go. We've stayed with my aunt a few times in the last year or so since my dad moved in with her. My cousin Martin's little girl C stays with my aunt each weekend, so her dad stays over on the weekend too, so it's a right mad house. C loves me to bits and it's entirely mutual. When I stay there, I'm woken up in the mornings by her saying to my aunt and cousin 'Where's Leah? I want her, I want her! Can I wake her up?' She gets me to download games on my phone from the Play store which usually involve talking cats and princesses to be dressed up, then she plays on my phone all day, usually whilst hanging off my neck or bouncing up and down on my knees ;)

My cousin Martin's little girl C//Martin's delicious cupcakes//C and I//her missing teefs


Me, hubby, my mum, dad, step dad, aunt, my two cousins, C and my brother went to the Harvester for a meal last night. We tried to book a table but they said no need so when we got down there we had to wait 90 minutes for a table. It was standing room only by the bar and hot as hell so we went to sit outside under the heat lamps because it was fr-fr-fr-freezing. There was a cat out there (which was a bit random) and it climbed up on me so I gave it a good stroke. I adore cats. It bit my dad though, oops! My brother had to leave because one of his girlfriend's daughters was terribly ill (she's slightly better now, thankfully) so I didn't get any photos of him. Crap.

Me & C under the heat lamps at the Harvester//Us pulling pretty faces, ha//My mum and I//my cousin and C


My mum & step dad//mum and I looking naughty//C getting mock-strangled whilst chewing on a roll//my dad


Me in my Simply Be galaxy dress//father and daughter//ditto//mother and daughter


C likes carrying my bag for me//pretending to be dracula wearing my cardi as a cape//her bitchface when she got told 'Bed time!'//my dad snoring his arse off on the sofa as we watched Skyfall.


I always feel so happy when I've had a weekend with my family. I left home when I was 19 - half a lifetime ago - and have got so used to being without them that I kind of shut myself off to survive. I love being with them and look forward to being with them, but when I'm away I have to get on with things or else I'd be miserable all the time. The decisions we make at haste in our youth are sometimes the ones we repent at leisure as we get older. I couldn't wait to escape my home town when I was a teenager, and although I love living where I do, as long as one of my family lives and breathes in Kent, I'll keep pinging back like an elastic band.

Now hubby is recovered and back to work I can catch up on blog posts.

Have a great week!

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Seeking healthcare whilst fat

Hello lovelies.

I apologise for the rant and possible swearing about to spew forth from me. I am seeing everything through a red mist of outrage.

Before I begin, I'd like to give examples to the slim readers amongst us to what seeking healthcare whilst fat is like. Unless you have fat friends or family you might have no idea what it's like to be seeking healthcare whilst in a fat body.

1.Patient: I've got this pain in my shoulder, it's going down my arm and up to my neck. I can hardly move my arm at all.
Doctor: It sounds like frozen shoulder to me. Here's a diet leaflet, you'd feel a lot better if you lost some weight. (No help or advice given with the frozen shoulder. Patient saw another doctor weeks later who gave painkillers and an advice leaflet about exercises to do.)

2. Patient: I've been seeing Dr XYZ for a while, but here's not here today. He thinks I have *insert very rare and serious medical condition which can kill you*
Doctor: There's nothing wrong with you. Dr XYZ doesn't think you have that.
Patient: Yes he does, it's in my records.
Doctor: (doesn't bother to look) You're just obese.
Patient: (cries)
Doctor: (starts speaking really slowly and patronisingly, like he's dealing with a five year old) Do you think you're depressed? WHY do you think you might be depressed? (goes on to dictate a letter to secretary in front of patient, in which he refers to patient as 'an unfortunate woman'.)

3. Patient: I came to see you two weeks ago after I had a serious fall at home and put my back out. You said to come back after two weeks if the pain hadn't improved.
Doctor: (shouts) Get on the scales!
Patient: (complies, not too sure how it relates to an injury from a fall.)
Doctor: (shouts) Stop laying around feeling depressed, lose weight and get a job!!!' (Gives no painkillers.)
Patient: (shuffles out in tears of pain and frustration.)

4. Patient: I've been sent (to this hospital) to confirm a diagnosis by my hospital consultant (from another hospital) as he thinks I have *insert chronic disabling illness*
Doctor: Exactly how many burgers do you eat a week then?
Patient: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

In all of those cases, the patient was me. 

Those are just the recent incidents which spring to mind, I've probably pushed more out of my mind. 

The reason why I'm so irate today is because my mum saw a doctor of the same ilk at her local hospital a couple of days ago. I only found out yesterday because she didn't want to tell me. She didn't want to tell me because she knew I'd blow my top. My mum got an umbilical hernia giving birth to my brother, and has since had about 5 operations to save her life as it has strangulated a few times and she's also had horrific abdominal adhesions. Basically she's scarred from just under her tits to her pubic mound. She's been opened up like a pie so many times she doesn't have a belly button and she looks like a hot cross bun that got 'decorated' by Freddy Kreuger. Now she has 3 hernias, and her whole insides are a mess. When she had the worst strangulation, it affected her bowel and it started to die, so they had to take out lots of intestines and part of her bowel. She constantly has pain - both when hungry and when she's eaten. Sometimes the pain is bearable, and other times she ends up at the hospital. My mum has a couple of 'extra' stones on her, but I wouldn't say she's particularly fat. She's worked hard for years to lose weight to get her doctor off her back.

The local hospital to where she lives is nicknamed 'Death Valley' thanks to its wonderful care of patients. When my mum was last in hospital having a hernia operation (last year) I honestly thought they were going to kill her. It's the only hospital I know of where you have a 10 minute walk (at an ill person's pace) through the hospital itself to reach the A&E department. They were really focussed on patient care there, weren't they? In my mum's hometown they used to have 3 hospitals, and the surrounding towns they used to have hospitals too, but they shut them all down and decided to build one enormous monstrosity to save money. Basically, it doesn't work from the perspective of patient care, because there are too many people trying to use it. there have been times when they've shut because they have no beds. Great!

Anyway, so off she goes to the hospital with my step dad to wait in the waiting room, which is 110 degrees at all times and usually so crowded patients have to wait on their own while family members loiter outside in the corridor. After 4 hours of sitting there in absolute agony, having already been triaged, she saw a 'doctor'. I put the word in inverted commas as I think his actual title should be Chief Torturer.

Before I tell you about mum's examination, let me explain to you a common misconception about fat people. Sometimes people, including doctors, seem to assume if you're fat, you're stupid. Too stupid to realise you're fat perhaps, or too stupid to do anything about it. See point 2 above, for example, and perhaps other fats might have experienced this if they've had the misfortune to seek healthcare whilst fat and seen a total TOOL.

Anyhoo, mum told Dr Death she has multiple hernias and her entire stomach area is really tender at the best of times, let alone now. Obviously a doctor has to have a feel around to see what hurts, and when you're in pain that's going to make you wince, say owww or flinch away. I've been told myself by doctors that when a person is carrying extra weight it can be harder to determine what's going on by feel alone.

The way Mum described the way this fella was examining her was that he was almost gleeful at hurting her. He was virtually elbow deep in her stomach area, asking as he went if where he was pressing was sore. Of course, everywhere hurt for the aforementioned reasons, and then he started to be patronising. 'Does this hurt?' 'Ow!' 'Does THIS hurt?' 'Ow!' Does this and this and this hurt?' 'Ow, ow, ow!' Then the patronising little toad grabbed her hand, tapped it and said 'Does that hurt too?'

Patronising sack of SHIT.

I am absolutely *expletive expletive expletive* fuming on her behalf.

Would he have been such an arsehole if she was slim? I don't know. He might be a twat to everyone. He's probably overworked, underpaid and as bitter as a grapefruit about the way the Government are shafting the NHS. Does that excuse his behaviour? Not an effing jot! I err towards assuming he was particularly foul to her because he saw her as fat and stupid because it's happened to me before, it's happened to her before, and it's probably happened to thousands of fat people all over the world. You only have to Google 'doctor fat prejudice' to see loads of articles about it.

Have you ever been treated like shit like a doctor because you're fat? Tell us your stories.
Have you ever complained about a doctor? (I have!)
Maybe you're a doctor or other healthcare professional - care to share your opinion?
Care to balance things up - are you thin and have a story of a hideous doctor?

DISCLAIMER - THIS IS NOT A DOCTOR BASHING BLOG. NOT ALL DOCTORS ARE DISRESPECTFUL ARSEHOLES.

I have a really good GP now and have been treated really respectfully by most of the consultants I've seen at my local hospital. However, when someone is SO foul, like in the 4 examples I gave at the top of this post, it does give you a fear and cynicism of seeking healthcare whilst in a fat body.

I realise this is a contentious issue, so let's have some polite discourse.

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

ASOS Curve swing dress OOTD

Hello loves!

Hubby bought me a lovely dress for our anniversary (which is in a month) and I just HAD to try it on, just to make sure it fit, you understand. Then, once I'd done that I just happened to fall in front of a camera and pose like my life depended on it. I'm accident prone, what can I say? ;)

The dress is by ASOS Curve and is made of a lovely thick crepe material which hangs beautifully. It does make me look much fatter because of its blocky style, but I love it so much I don't care.

It's a little oversized as is often the case with ASOS Curve, but bear in mind this garment has no stretch so if you're a size 30 or more you might struggle. I'm a 26-28 and there's a bit of extra room in it for me.

Because of the slightly oversized fit there is the option to belt the dress, which is a much more flattering option for me, as you can see below. That also brings the dress up a bit off my knees, which is more a more flattering look on me. Sorry for using the F-word twice - I'm a vain bitch!



Outfit details:

Dress, ASOS, £45
Wet look leggings, Miss Difusa £12
Shoes, Evans (few years old.)
Beret, Peacocks (few years old.)
Necklace Peacocks (few years old.)
Belt (came with a New Look dress.)
Clutch, Tesco

The clutch was a right bargain. I got it for £2 in Tesco a few years ago.

Here's a sneak peek of my galaxy tights from Miss Difusa, which I will show you in another outfit post.


Have you bought anything nice recently?

Thanks for reading!

My tattoos

Hello lovelies!

Today I'm going to talk about my tattoos. Joanna from Just Joanna asked me about them recently. so here I am.

Tattoos aren't for everyone, that much is for sure - be it for personal reasons, religious reasons, or plain ol' fear of the needle. I think you either 'get' tattoos or you don't. I had a burning desire to be tattooed from my teens onwards and I just knew it wouldn't go away. When I had my first good tattoo (more on that soon) it was like a rite of passage. It was almost like a religious experience, it was that powerful. It felt like I'd finally found 'me'. I wrote my tattooist a thank you letter afterwards telling him so because it changed me so much.

Being tattooed makes me just alternative enough no matter what I wear. Being tattooed is body modification without the need to diet. Being fairly tattooed tends to keep idiots away as well, I've noticed! ;) I walk round with chronic bitchface as it is, so a couple of eff-off great big tattoos probably makes me look a little unhinged.

However, my first tattoo experience was NOT good. I was 21. I grew up loving rock and metal music (I still do) so seeing tattoos was the norm for me. A girl at my work recommended her tattooist, and I had no doubts as he'd done a good tattoo on her. I think she must've caught him on a good day, because my tattoo was done badly. When it healed up there were lots of missing patches in the black areas. I put that one down to not doing my research properly.

My next tattoo was a tiny Japanese kanji symbol on my right boob. I had this done in my old home town after about 3 months of deliberation as to which symbol I wanted. I chose one for truth/honesty as I hate bullshit, can't abide liars and prefer to tell the truth rather than soft-soaping something.


I think I had this tattoo done about 13 years ago on my birthday. My mum came with me, bless her. It's pretty hard to breathe while someone is tattooing your boob so it was a bit uncomfortable, but not too painful as it's only about 1.5 inches high. I'll have it re-done at some point as it's faded a bit. When I had a busy social life and was going to London for nights out most weeks, I always used to get drunken fellas on the last train home asking me what it means. I always used to say 'Special fried rice!' You never know ;)

My next tattoo was on my back. This was about 11 years ago now. I was visiting my then friend Liz, and she took me with her when she was arranging a tattoo appointment for herself at Good Karma in Eastbourne (now called Holy Cow Tattoos.) I was introduced to their new tattooist Yan. He schooled me in the ways of having a tattoo designed for me rather than picking something out dozens other people would have and asked me what kind of things I wanted. I've always liked gambling imagery, leopard print and flames so we came up with a Lady Luck tattoo. A lady luck tattoo is a beautiful woman usually placed in the middle of other signs of good fortune like a horse shoe, or rabbit’s foot. My lady has tattoos and big boobies, haha.


She has a 7 ball tattooed on one arm and some playing cards on the other. The the dice add up to 7 (as I was born on the 7th of April.) The tattoo is about 11.5 x 6 inches. I had it done in one 4.5 hour setting and it was excruciatingly painful towards the end. Because there are so many colours in it it had to be wiped down constantly so Yan could see what he was doing, and that was almost as painful as the needle. I was really glad when it was over.

Next was the cover up on my left arm. I wanted to have a tattoo which took note of the good and bad sides to every person. Initially I wanted a Queen from a set of playing cards, with a good Queen at the top of the card and an evil Queen at the bottom, with them morphing together in the middle just like you see on a playing card. I was talked into doing two separate tattoos, but it was determined as the 'bad' me would be darker than the 'good' me, it'd be the best thing to cover up my crappy tattoo on my left arm. Yan pulled out some books, introduced me to H.R. Giger and the idea was born to have a bio-mechanical evil me. I had this done in 2 x 3.5 hour sittings, which were a lot better than 4.5 hours straight!


You can still see part of the shitty old tattoo underneath it, but that's often the case with cover ups, so I will have some touches up done on this tattoo too. Where you can see the tattoo showing through, that's white ink, not skin, so I think if I were to have those 3 lines done in a dark blue or purple instead of more white it'd cover it up nicely. Those lines are there to show reflected light as her top is supposed to be made of pvc, and as pvc does reflect some colours I don't think a little dash of a dark colour amongst the black and grey would look too odd. 

My most recent tattoo was done in 2012 after I had my (second) ectopic pregnancy in 2011 and almost died. I was so physically changed inside - both missing a fallopian tube and sporting a sexy 8 inch surgery wound - as well as being devastated by the loss of the much wanted baby that I couldn't rest until my outer self was as marked as my inner self. Only could my healing begin once I had a physical reminder of what we'd lost. It's about 11 inches long including the dotty bits.


The lock and key is symbolic - time to lock away the grief to stop me falling apart, but also recognising some days it has to be faced for me to grow. This was my first tattoo since having Fibromyalgia and I noticed a definite increase in pain. It was like electricity going through my nerves, my arm wanted to jump about like a flailing fish. Also, healing was different. My tattoo got much more dry than usual and even started to split so I had to ditch my usual tattoo healing cream (Acriflex burn cream) and use Bepanthen, as it's so much more moist. However, some areas stayed super dry and there are a couple of bits in the centre of the keyhole which will need re-doing as they scabbed over so heavily that when the scabs got knocked off, some ink came with it. That's not Yan's fault, it's my bloomin' body.

I have plans for more tattoos. I want a pair of matching heart designs on my feet, I want the 'good' me on my right arm to be sweetie themed (good, sweet - play on words) with things like cupcakes, french fancies, candy canes and lollipops, and I want the head from Prometheus on the front of one of my thighs. Oh, and a chestpiece with roses with my mum and dad's names on. So when I'm having one of those tattoos done I can get those little touch ups done too.

So, are you tattooed? Tell me about them!
If you hate tattoos, tell me why - I promise to be nice.
If you want a tattoo, tell me what you want and why!

Thanks for reading!

Monday, 4 March 2013

A little 100 followers giveaway

Hiya lovelies!

A while ago I thought 'Wouldn't it be nice to get 100 followers?' but it seemed a long way away at the time. Blow me down because here I am with 101 GFC followers! Thank you all.

At first I wanted to pick someone at random from my followers to give prizes to (without even advertising a giveaway) because I'm not into a big fuss, but I thought that could be perceived as me doling presents to someone I favoured so decided that was a bad idea!

Here's what I'm giving away:

elf smoky 6 eyeshadow palette
elf natural 6 eyeshadow palette
MUA Undressed 12 eyeshadow palette (neutrals)
MUA shade 1 lipstick (red)
VIVO Enchanted 12 shadow eye palette


Here are the T's & C's:

There will be one winner and prizes are as listed above.
No cash alternative offered.
Bot entries will be discarded.
Competition is open worldwide.
Personal details obtained will only be used to inform the winner.
The winner will be contacted by email or Twitter within 2 days of the competition ending. If there is no response within another 2 days (4 days from competition ending) the prize will be re-drawn.
Although every care will be taken, there will be no compensation for items lost in the post. Proof of postage will be obtained and if the winner is in England, N Ireland, Scotland or Wales the prizes will be sent recorded delivery. There will be no traceable delivery for items posted outside of those countries as frankly, it costs a bomb.
Competition starts 4st March 2013 at 7pm GMT and closes on 18th March 2013 at 7pm GMT.


a Rafflecopter giveaway


 
Please note there's a question to answer as one of your entries into the competition. When you leave your comment, please leave either your email address or your Twitter name so I can contact you if you're the winner.

Good luck! You have 2 weeks to enter!

Thanks for reading.


Sunday, 3 March 2013

I like fat books and I cannot lie

Hello mi' lovers! *Cornish accent*

Lovely Becky of Does My Blog Make Me Look Fat ran a giveaway recently where she was giving away some fat books - or books pertaining to fatness if you want to be all posh about it ;) - and I won! Cue a mad windmill round the living room like a duck with its wings on fire and some whooping and hollering before I calmed down.

Here are said fat books:


Fat!So? by Marilyn Wann
Wake Up, I'm Fat by Camryn Manheim
My Mad Fat Diary by Rae Earl

I've started reading Fat!So? and am a good 50+ pages in already. I love it.

I'll be reviewing all three books on the blog as I read each one.

Thanks so much Becky!

Have you ever read any books about fat acceptance, or any other empowering or self-help books? Care to share their titles with us?

Thanks for reading! Have a great week.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

Pretty Tied Up OOTD

Hello lovelies!

I hope your weekend is going well.

When reading Mrs BeBe's blog the other day she had a tie-dye dress on and I thought 'A-ha! I have that blimmin' dress!' I'd forgotten to do an outfit post with it.

The dress is a body con tie dye from New Look and husband face says it looks like moody clouds. I like that description. It is VERY bodycon, even more so than the other New Look tie dye dress I showed you here. It's tiny! When I first got it out of the packet when I came I squeaked because it's miniscule but it stretches a long way.


I took a photo of my bum because I wanted to see what hubby sees. Now I can see why he's so keen on my back view, hahaha! I have a very shapely bum.


Dress - New Look
Belt - ASOS Curve
Shoes - Rocket Dog from Schuh
Necklace - Debenhams (5 years old at least.)
Bracelet - Debenhams (5 years old at least.)

Thanks for reading!
Have a great rest of the weekend.

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