6 reasons I'm not blogging right now

'Ello love bugs!

To give you a bit of background into my life right now, I'm out of the manic phase of bipolar and back into the depressive phase, so I can concentrate a little better now. I'm starting to get my blogging mojo back a bit, but I have a few little issues stopping me from doing it as often as I'd like.

1. The internet here is really slow. There's nothing anyone can do about it, we're in a crap area for internet so it takes a long time to upload photos.
2. I haven't found my place to do outfit photos yet. With James, we went to so many lovely places (especially over the last couple of years) so there were plenty of nice backgrounds to stand in front of. Now I'm back to home-based photos and I haven't found the right spot for it yet. Plus, James was really good behind the camera and I don't have that technical person in my life any more.
3. I've kinda lost my mojo with clothes and makeup. I've got rid of a HUGE amount of clothes and makeup since I split up with James, and I'm still getting rid of things all the time. There's very little point having tons of things if they're all in my aunt's garage, so I've been ruthless. I have less to wear and very little money for new things. The charity shopping scene in my part of Kent is crap - there are hardly any fat people. In East Sussex - where I used to live - plus size charity shopping was great but here it's not so good, so I need to diversify from a fashion blog. There will still be fashion, just less of it.
4. When I wiped my laptop after J and I split (I suspected there was spyware on it after my emails and Facebook were hacked twice) I lost my photo editing software. I'm having to use Picmonkey to edit everything and it's sooooo slow (especially with the internet here) and that's stressful too.
5. To be honest, I've lost some of my confidence. Everything here is new and strange. I've gone from having a huge 2 bedroom flat and balcony to take photos on (and having the place to myself during the day to do as I pleased) to one bedroom to take photos in. I share a house with an ensemble cast that includes my aunt (of course), my uncle (her brother) who semi-lives here, and my mum and step dad who have keys and pop in any time. It's not like I can stroll around taking underwear shots any more. 
6. The manic phase of bipolar is BRUTAL. I don't know if you've ever felt ill at ease in your own skin and brain but imagine waking up in someone else's body and brain and the sense of what the eff is wrong with me will be about the same. I just couldn't concentrate to write at ALL. I couldn't read, I couldn't watch films, I couldn't do anything other than jitter, lol. That lasted for about 10 weeks. I'm in the depressive phase now and concentration is still a problem, but less so than in the manic phase.

I hope things get easier in time.

Thanks to those of you who are still commenting on my blog when I do post.
Leah xoxo

For The Love Of Blogging*

How many times have you heard someone say that they are starting to write a novel, only for you to enquire about it three months later and their enthusiasm has waned? It’s the same with blogging. Only the most ardent and passionate of bloggers tend to generate a loyal following and keep up the posting momentum. Friends have begun blogs only to quit them after four posts and a fortnight because they didn’t get a single follower. It takes a bit more effort and a lot more time before you spy your first follower.

We all know about SEO, keywording and AdWords. They are great at getting your little piece of the Internet noticed and can give you an important leg up in the ever-crowded world of the blogosphere. However, don’t lose sight of what your personal blog is all about and why you started it in the first place. It could be a release, a stress reliever or a comfort to express your thoughts. It might be your vehicle to let off steam, voice your opinions and hopefully locate fellow like-minded individuals across the globe. Don’t begin to treat it like a business or a quest for validation. If you have the commitment and passion, and you keep writing, followers will come. Everyone who has a personal piece of the web does so for the love of blogging.

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Personalisation

Your blog is a little piece of you. You’re opening up a little window to your likes, dislikes, passions, thoughts and emotions. It’s not unusual to spend hours, maybe even days, trying to come up with the perfect name for your blog that encompasses what your series of posts will be about. You could venture onto a domain name forum to seek advice on the best sorts of website names for your style of blog. You could find bargain domain names for sale that are already active and generate traffic. This could give you a head start in establishing an audience from the get-go.

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Your Skills

Writing and finding your voice is a skill in itself. It may take you a few weeks or even some months before you can call yourself an established blogger. It’s great when you can begin to contribute to other top quality blogs with a guest post, and after reading it, your followers could tell that it’s written by you. You may have a certain turn of phrase, a witty or sarcastic nature or a tone that others instantly recognise. Putting this into your writing will be like second nature to you, and you won’t even have to think about it. There's nothing better than reading a comment from someone saying how you've made them laugh, brightened up their day or changed their way of thinking.

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Becoming Influential

There are many bloggers out there who begin by posting for the love of blogging who then morph into the most influential writers on the Internet. Their following is so vast that companies want these bloggers to review their products and then write about them. The process is very transparent, and the most reputable bloggers will state that they are writing a sponsored post or have been given a set of earplugs or a pair of running shoes for free to review. While you may not want to go down this route, you could find yourself establishing a secure second income should you wish to review products.

If you’d rather stick to the pure nature of blogging, then do just that. Established travel blogger Nomadic Matt is well known for not taking on sponsored posts or reviewing anything for free. He uses first-hand experience to fuel his writing, and his blog is seen as a more trustworthy source for travellers because of it. He remains one of the most influential travel bloggers out there.

 

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Stick With It

If you’re just starting out on your blogging journey and you’re looking for inspiration, just write what you know. Vent, share and express. Use the power of words to convey your message even if it feels like your writing into the ether for your first few posts. This doesn’t make your writing any less readable, and the followers will come if you regularly write, share your new posts on social media and network with other bloggers by leaving comments and guest posting.

Everyone has a story to tell - it’s up to you to get sharing and stick with it for the love of blogging. 

*collaborative post

I really wanted blogging to be my full time job but it hasn't worked out

I had an epiphany on holiday and it's going to change my life.

I really wanted blogging to be my full time job but it hasn't worked out.

Let me clarify that. I wanted it to be a paying full time job. It has been a job, and at times over the last 6 years it has felt like a full time job. It has paid in the past and I had a good end to 2016, but this year things haven't been the same. My heart isn't in it.

I had a social media hiatus on my recent holiday. I had felt like I was heading for a nervous breakdown, so it was bliss to unplug. I didn't use my laptop once in 9 days despite lugging it to Bath and Dorset with me. I ignored my work email 90% of the time I was away. I avoided social media as much as I could. I didn't miss it at all. Doing real life things and having a break from my usual habits gave me pause for thought.

Hiatus

Hiatus. I've looked at the word for so long it almost feels foreign to my eyes.

There's something almost reverential about putting pen to paper as opposed to fingers to keyboard. I think I read once that most of your brain is formed by the time you're 7, which explains why I can't think clearly unless I'm writing out my thoughts. From the time I could hold a pen and pad I poured out my every thought, childhood fantasy and embarrassing teenage lament. I write to see how I feel, and sometimes the words are scratched out by hand and a decision made before it has even registered with my brain.

I don't feel like my thoughts are half as eloquent without the scratch of pen on paper, the indent on the next few pages of an opinion fiercely expressed. I should freestyle my blog posts before I commit them to the keyboard and make them indelible. Words can be erased from the internet but not from hearts and minds, as I've discovered in the past.

Writer's block is a pain in the arse, but I call it writer-speak for being knackered. If you've never been too tired to think straight then I envy you. Sometimes there's just too much horror in the world to take in and the words retreat like clouds on a sunny day. The only thing you can do to beat it is to NOT beat it - you have to give yourself a break, which is what I intend to do now (present commitments willing).

A writer gives of themselves and life gives too, but it also takes away in increments. Our hope, our energy, and at some points the ability to take in any more suffering. This is how I find myself now - careworn, sad and overwhelmed. I'll be back when the need to share words outweighs my exhaustion, until which time be good to yourselves. ❤

Thanks for reading. Leah xoxo

Change of blog comment system - back to Blogger comments

I feel like there's been a dizzying array of calamities on my blog recently and I want to address them all. If my head is spinning from all the stuff that's happened lately then I'm pretty sure yours will be too.

DEFAULT BLOGGER COMMENT SYSTEM

First and most importantly I've gone back to the default Blogger comment system. I know a lot of you find Google+ impossible, and I want you to be able to comment on my blog, or else I'm just talking to myself. 😝 I currently have zero blog comments anywhere on this entire blog. I lost 13 thousand comments when I uninstalled the ever-problematic Disqus about 6 months back and now I've just lost all the comments that had been left on the Google+ system since. Even though Blogger comments and G+ comments are both Google products, the comments don't transfer so feel free to drop me a comment and break my comment cherry! It feels so weird to have over 5 years of posts and not a single comment. 💩

MY BLOG HAD A MALWARE ATTACK

A few days ago a reader informed me that they were getting a pop up when they visited my blog. It was telling them their computer was infected and they needed antivirus. If they clicked yes in this pop up it took them to a site selling antivirus software. It was very sneaky though as you could only see it if you were visiting my blog for the first time, or if you were using a different browser than usual. That's how I didn't know it was there. James and I spent hours trying to find out what had happened, and eventually I found malware in my blog code. I was able to find it and remove it, so the pop up stopped. Apologies to anyone who visited my blog during that time and got worried. I'm going to write a post for fellow bloggers for what to do if it happens to you.

CONTENT THIEVES

For the last couple of weeks I *had* been cutting my RSS feed really short to put content scammers off stealing my content. In case you didn't know, someone had been nicking my blog and social media posts wholesale and was reposting them without credit on their own website, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. In case you don't know what an RSS feed is, it's a way for readers to subscribe to read blog posts in an email or read them on sites such as Bloglovin' and Feedly. The thought behind me only posting a tiny snippet of a blog post and having the reader click through to my blog to read the rest was it's harder for people to steal my work if I only post a snippet. But then I thought "Why should I disadvantage my readers because selfish people think it's OK to steal other people's work?" So I've gone back to publishing RSS posts up until the 'Read More' break, which is just the same as if you read it directly on my blog. That way you get to see the first photo and a good chunk of text and then decide if you want to click through and read the rest. If I'm unlucky enough to have my work stolen again I'll deal with it at the time.

I think that's all my blog issues for now. Go leave me a comment on something! 😉

Thanks for reading. Leah xoxo

About self-limiting thoughts

When I was a new blogger obsessed with what opportunities everyone else was getting (and what I wasn't getting) I often shared my thoughts about why. I'd whinge on that I must be swearing too much, I was too fat or too old, or too something else for brands to want to work with me. I thought there had to be a reason, but in hindsight I can see the reason is I wasn't ready for what I wanted. (And in hindsight, having a bursting inbox is really not all that it's cracked up to be, but that's a topic for another day).

It takes time - the building of a blog worthy of collaborations - but I was in such a hurry to try to be somewhere else other than where I was. The grass ain't always greener on the other side of the fence. The honest truth is I was putting out self-limiting thoughts about myself into the universe, which doesn't attract good things. No wonder I was frustrated!

About web content scrapers and why every blogger needs to be aware of them

As some of you may know, my blog content was ripped off recently by web content scrapers but what does that actually mean and why is it bad for your blog?

CONTENT SCRAPING 101

Content scraping is when an individual takes content from many other sites, collates it and publishes it to their own site as if it's their work. It's theft of original works and it can negatively affect the SEO of the site it was stolen from. Many sites are made up of works entirely stolen - scraped - from other people. There are a lot of content scrapers out there -  this is the second time it's happened to me. Scrapers may steal a few of your articles, or they might copy your whole damn website.

This is what an example of what a scraped website looks like. This was the site of the last person to scrape my content. As you can see it has content from several different people, but nowhere on the site does it LINK to the people whose work it has stolen.

Why I'm considering making my blog a PR free zone

Why I'm considering making my blog completely free of brand and PR company involvement.

When I re-birthed this blog into a plus size fashion space in 2012 I had a purity of purpose. I wanted to help women-identifying people feel better about their bodies. At this point I was in my late 30s and I'd been dieting since I was 10. Suddenly realising I could come off the hamster wheel was an epiphany in the truest sense of the word. Radical fat acceptance bloggers like Rachele Cateyes' and her blog The Nearsighted Owl had made me realise it was OK to really exist in a fat body. To live without shame, without apologising for my existence. Plus size fashion bloggers opened my eyes to the possibilities out there to clothe my body, but my heart belonged to the women who were there in their living rooms, wearing thrifted clothes and staring at the camera defiantly, goading the reader into 'Accept me or fuck off.' It was love at first read and that has always endured.

Once this tentative love affair with myself began I hoped to be the person to others that Rachele had been to me, to show women that it's OK to love and accept yourself by living in this truth myself. Falling into fashion blogging was a mistake, really. I was high on the possibilities. There was more out there than the Simply Be catalogue and Evans for the first time in years and I was giddy on it. I fell in head first. That love affair of being blessed with clothing choices has never really ended, but my heart always lay with radical fat acceptance.

5 things you can do on your blog when you've lost your blogging mojo

Losing your blogging mojo happens from time to time, but rather than feeling like an unproductive failure there are a few constructive things you can do in your downtime which will make things better for you.

11 things you don't have to do to be a good blogger

I've been blogging for over 5 years and in that time I've probably seen at least 1000 advice posts about what to do to be a great blogger, and I'm here to be the antithesis of all that advice.

Share The Love with Curvissa

I was asked to get involved with Curvissa's Share The Love campaign I was thrilled because it's lovely to spread a bit of positivity.

Here are some of the awesome ladies who are killing it in the fashion and inspiration stakes.

8 ways I use IFTTT to make my blogging life easier

Since I've rebranded my blog I've had to streamline all the ways I share my content across social media. IFTTT (IF This Then That) is by far the most useful of all the tools I use to share my content. It's a content automation wonder tool which automates sharing your content to free up more time for all the fun stuff, like writing posts. Here's an example of how it works - IF a new blog post goes up on Blogger, THEN the post will be shared on my Twitter. Each little task is called an IFTTT recipe. Here are the recipes I'm using right now - 8 ways I use IFTTT to make my blogging life easier.

Explaining my hiatus

Hey loves,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I came back from my holiday in Cornwall about 10 days ago, and it was great. I had a few days to catch up on laundry and housework before 4 members of my family came to stay for 6 days, and we had a really lovely time. But it's been a really busy few weeks and I'm really drained now as I haven't really had any rest for what seems like forever.

Ever since my holiday to Spain in May I've had a bigger interest in social media. I was lucky enough to be sent lots of things by brands which I had to review while I was in Spain, so I got quite good at doing mini reviews each day as I wore something. Because the last couple of months have been so full on in many respects I've not had the heart for blogging as I used to. I mean, I used to post daily and here I am after not posting for over a week, and even before that my general output has gone down to about 2-3 times a week. I've been using my time of not blogging in the last week to do some thinking, and I've come to a conclusion which I shared on Instagram today.

"I'm just putting some thoughts out aloud. I'm not feeling blogging at ALL the moment, but I've just come out of a really busy couple of weeks and #CFSME is kicking my butt so my blog mojo might return. However, I am pretty good at predicting change and I feel traditional blogging is a slowly dying art. People love the immediacy and visuals of social media, and I've noticed blog views steadily going down as my engagement on social media absolutely surges. In simpler terms, people rarely click through to a website for a full view when they have a snippet of information in their hands on their phone/tablet. People want/need less information to make a decision or a purchase as we're all turning into short attention span robots attached to our devices 24/7. 😂😆 What I'm saying is I'll be transitioning to a more social media based 'digital influencer' role rather than a blogger per se. Will I give up blogging totally? No, but I will be doing a lot more just-for-social-media posts than I will be doing things just for the blog. In fact you'll probably see me around more often than ever before as the micro-review aspect of social media is about all I can cope with with the brain fog I have from #Fibromyalgia. Short bursts of thinking are better for me. I have to shut out all noise/distractions to be able to concentrate on writing a blog post, which is why I haven't written one in over a week. I'm not going away, I'm just concentrating on social media with a side of blogging rather than my old method of blogging with a side order of social media. Hell I hope that made sense as my head is FRIED. 😂😂😂
M.E. is totally kicking my behind at the moment - as it has been on and off since my May holiday really - and I'm hoping in a few weeks when I've recovered a little I'll be able to put more of myself into my blog, as well as continuing to invest extra time in the social media aspect of my online presence. (God, that sounds pretentious!)

I'm not going away, I'm just diversifying. When I get my energy back I have soooo many things to share, but in the meantime keep a close eye on my Instagram as that's where I spend most of my time at the moment. I hope you're all doing well - I've really lapsed with my blog reading AND replying to the comments you leave me, and that's not like me at all. Send mojo and good vibes please, and I'm sending them to you.

Have a great weekend,
Leah xoxo

10 things I really regret about my early days of blogging

.....and by 'early days' I mean about the first 3 years!

As you blog you get better by degrees, so much so that it's only looking back through your archive that you realise how many new skills you've picked up. Here are the things I wish I'd addressed sooner, but I'm glad I know about now.

1. Taking my outfit photos indoors - you just can't beat the light outdoors, plus my home is so crammed full of my clothes, shoes, bags and makeup stashes there's little free room to pose. Plus if there's a choice of a lovely scenic place to take photos in or my tired ol' living room wall unit, there's no contest!
2. Not resizing the width of all my photos - when I look through my posts from 2014, even part of 2015 I see hideous higgledy piggledy images of all sizes. It makes my brain hurt to look at them.
3. Not investing in a softbox set for winter photography sooner - I got one last year. When it's cold out no matter how crammed my flat is, I'm still not going out to freeze my arse off unless I really have to. (Fibromyalgia + cold temperatures = widespread cramp, all over). Having soft box lights REALLY helps in winter, not just with outfit shots, but product shots and selfies too.
4. Not keeping a journal. There are some things that would've been best kept to myself. What's that old quote about wondering if someone's an idiot and them removing all doubt by speaking? Yeah, sometimes it's best to keep people wondering rather than spewing out my every thought.
5. Being such a grumpy cow. I've waged one-woman wars against so many retailers in the past, let alone the ways I've likely pissed off other bloggers with my open-mouth-insert-foot tendencies, so since last year I've been trying to calm my tits, especially on Twitter. It's so satisfying to have a quick Twitter whinge, but I don't want to be 100% whingebag.
6. Not investing enough time in my photos. Photos in blogging are everything, and mine have been on a sliding scale from absolutely fricking dire to passable and back again a few times. I've started picking up little props here and there which look pretty in the background of photos and I've been making a real effort to get outside more for outfit shots. 
7. Not knowing anything about SEO until about a year ago. I had no bloody clue and I'm learning all the time. Being an older blogger and thus not so media savvy is a definite minus but it just proves I need to read mooooooooooore blogs!
8. Huuuuuuuuuge close ups of my face. No man, no. I scrub up all right but seeing myself in close up at about 850 pixels wide when I scroll back through my blog? I scare myself. 
9. Using alll the links. Jaysus and Mary, I used to link to everythaaaaaaang. I have been way too generous with links in the past. Now I'm going through allllll my posts prior to last year and deleting all of the links, dead or not. I have something like 6000 links on this blog. Bananas.
10. My biggest regret of all - not really believing in myself sooner. 

I'm one of those people who'd always swung wildly between huge self confidence (for about 2 days a month) and feeling like a single celled organism hanging around in the bottom of a pond. I now like to think I'm a slightly more stable individual, making good use of antidepressants, journaling and voracious reading to keep me on the up. I started blogging because I wanted to share my JOURNEY to confidence, and I'm still on it, but I've noticed something in my time slow-burn. People LOVE people who are goddamn on fire in their self love from the get go and I've been crawling there. If people come out of the gate like 'WOW, I love myself and you should too!' people flock to them.

That's not my journey though. I've been here since 2010 (I've reverted everything before 2012 to drafts as it was awful) but only now can I say 'Yeah, come at me, I'm at one with my existence.' It feels like my time is now. I regret not being that kind of person sooner, but you know what? Hard fought for victories taste SWEEEEEET. I switched my focus around to plus size blogging in about 2011, and that was my baby steps into thinking, yeah, you're all right, love. Prior to that I'd been on the dieting train obsessively for 25 years (since before puberty) and had always been made to feel wrong for existing by society. As time has gone on I've become more and more at one with myself, and now at the grand ol' age of 42 I find myself in the situation of giving almost no shits at all about what other people think of my body. I'm putting myself out there because although it's never nice to hear crappy things on social media, other people's opinions of me are just that - other people's. I feel like the best stuff is ahead of me, so 10 little regrets are nothing in the face of what's to come.

What are your blogging regrets, if you blog? If not, share a regret you have. 

Leah xoxo

3 predictions for blogging in 2016

Hiya!

I'm going to put my neck on the block and make a few predictions about blogging in 2016. I guess I'll have to come back in 2017 to see if I was right. ;)

1. Blog comments are going to all but disappear.

Sharing is the new caring, don'tcha know? We're erring towards a time when sharing other people's blog posts all over our social media becomes akin to commenting. With most of us plugged into our phones 16 hours a day, it's quicker to share something in a couple of places than it is compose a well thought out comment, go through Captchas or whatever and tick that fucking Wordpress box to say you want to see the reply. Sharing doesn't always mean tacit approval, but most of the time it does.

The next two points are with regards to plus size blogging in particular.

2. Bloggers will slowly start to take the power back.

The plus size blogging scene in the UK is almost entirely controlled by plus size brands. Brands control money and influence, which controls who gets seen and who becomes one of the cool kids everyone should follow. To a certain extent humans are sheep-like and like to be told who to follow, and brands do this very well by making stars out of bloggers. This further impacts blogging as fear of missing out on the opportunities and/or product the 'stars' receive means some homegeneity as bloggers minimise aspects of themselves to attract more of the good stuff. PR people love almost-blank canvases they can foist their agenda on. And who doesn't like free product anyway?! But diminishing yourself for free dresses is unsustainable if you have a loud voice and some testy opinions.

In the last 5 years plus size blogging has changed hugely. Radical fat acceptance blogging has fallen to the wayside for the most part as bloggers know chirpy outfit posts keep brands happy and thus likely to keep on dressing them in the future. Radical fatness is sharing angry and challenging opinions about BODIES, not clothes, and brands like things on the vanilla side, and this has meant a decrease in blogging about the very thing that draws us together - our fat bodies.

However, brands actually need bloggers more than we need them (unless you're planning on reaching stardom like Georgina Horne, Callie Thorpe or Danielle Vanier) due to the fact that virtually no one in the UK uses models who are actually plus size (not to be confused with using plus size models, as a size 12 person can be a plus size model, but they are far from actually being a plus sized human). I mean using models who are actually fat, in several different sizes of fat. This is something Scarlett and Jo did very well, but the less said about that the better. ;) Without plus size bloggers thousands of women would have NO CLUE what clothes would actually look like on their bodies. Plus size companies need us. Without us their sales would plummet and returns of ill-fitting garments would soar.

As blogging becomes more and more infested with brand influence and turns blander and blander things will come to a head eventually. This will lead to:

3. A return to more radical blogging.

When a plus size blogger realises she has a lot of power on her own merit, there's no stopping her. So she may have to buy more of her own clothes, but at least she's her own woman. A LOT of plus size readers want to hear a blogger's opinions about living life fat, not how simply wonderful another dress is. There will be photos which aren't artfully retouched or angled to show off the most flattering aspects. There will be shots of bodies for the sake of it, in any old clothes, as there's no agenda to sell. I came up reading Rachele's blog The Nearsighted Owl (sadly no longer in existence) with photos of her naked in her living room or wearing thrifted clothes. She had nothing to 'sell' and it was my favourite blog ever. She made me feel it's OK to be me, just as I am. THAT is fat acceptance!

With less emphasis on selling other people's products, we will hear about experiences in fat bodies. There will be lots of honesty and dare I say it, a bit more swearing and candid opinions as we aren't all out to please the PC brigade. Also, when things become less about products, there will be more of a sisterhood in blogging. After all, we're all fat women struggling against a world which hates fat people, fat women especially. How novel it will be to have a sorority, not feel like our competitors are getting all the good shit. If you've ever felt crap about yourself as a blogger, I bet it's because you feel you're getting less of the good shit. And if you've ever felt crap about yourself as a plus size woman when reading plus size blogs, I bet it's because you don't have the budget for a new dress twice a week or don't have time to leg it over a farmer's gate and stand on one leg caressing corn stalks while your personal photographer makes sure there's arty lens-flare in the background. Without this focus on clothes, we can focus on the thing underneath - our fat bodies. Won't that be something?

So, what do you think of my predictions? Am I wishful thinking or talking sense?

Let me know in the comments, or y'know, share this post. ;)

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Is community in plus size blogging an illusion? Thinking aloud

Hello loves,

I've got a lot of things on my mind at the moment so I thought I'd talk about them.

*Inserts generic photo so this isn't just a huge wall of text.*

I've been feeling a bit removed from the plus size blogging community recently. Because my mental health has been dire I don't know how much of it is in my head, and how much of it is the truth. I know that depression is an insidious thing which tries to isolate me from people, and I'm writing this post cognisant of the fact it might do me no favours. I realise I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I like a good whinge, I'm a bit la-la, I'm a fan of calling out bullshit, I over think things and I'm probably over sensitive too. I'm an acquired taste, I know that.


I'm trying really hard not to make the next section sound like a 'Why me?' pity party, but it gives some background to why I might actually be on the outside of the plus size circle of trust (gotta love some De Niro!)


Up until about a year ago I used to comment on a huge amount of plus size blogs. Being out of work I saw supporting my fellow bloggers as something I could do to contribute to the scene, and of course I was really interested in these women as they're my peers/inspirations. After a year or two, I decided to cut back and focus on those who interact with me. Of course commenting on someone's blog never entitles anyone to a comment back, but if you've commented on someone's blog for months without so much as a pity comment back, it might be time to say byeeee. From the perspective of the people I dropped, they may have thought I stopped commenting as I got up my own arse as my follower count increased, or that I don't care about them any more. Hell no.


I don't know what it is exactly about bloggers which makes them great at sharing their lives but not so great at giving that interaction back but I do know from personal experience that the more popular your blog gets the more in demand you are and there aren't enough hours in the day. I always reply to blog comments and still spend an hour or so a day reading and commenting on blogs, but I totally understand that some bloggers will just not have the time to interact with others. Who knows how busy any blogger is behind the scenes and in their lives? But at the same time I know some bloggers who are only ever on the take, have no interest in supporting anyone else and are only there for you as long as you're there for them. Blogging naturally attracts self obsessed people - it helps us want to talk about ourselves every day - but I do feel loyalty within blogging circles is written in sand, just waiting to be swept away by the next wave.


I realised recently from a conversation I had just how much I miss out on the community aspect of plus blogging by not going to major plus size events. I was reminded - as if I needed it - that I'm massively out of the loop. When I first began blogging my anxiety disorder was off the chain, and the first time I went to a blogger (brand) event I was a wreck. Over time my anxiety got a bit better with CBT and anti depressants, and even though the thought makes my knees knock, I planned to to go to more events, both from brands and major weekend events. But I hadn't accounted for my physical health and the impact travelling long distances would bring. Even on going to relatively local (London) brand events the stress of travel on my own, the feeling of not being safe in bustling London because of pain/fatigue all took a lot out of me and did me more harm than good. I did go to Plus North last year (hubby chauffeured me despite his total disinterest) but was in pain all day and the recovery time afterwards was long. I was due to go to Style XL this year, but was ill so I couldn't go. I can't go to the Curve Fashion Festival as we have a wedding that weekend, and I'm not sure if I can go to UK Plus Size Fashion Week yet as we can't make any concrete plans anyway because of the situation with my step dad. If I was an independent woman in good health I would be at the major events like a rat up a drain pipe, but I'm not, and I do miss out on the unbeatable bonding that meeting face to face gives.


And the thing is, when you're out of the loop like this, no one even bothers to check if you're going to events any more. They just assume you're not. I'm in a few plus size groups on Facebook, and I see all the bloggers chatting excitedly about who they're rooming with and what they plan to do at the major events, and I just feel SO far away from everyone. Since my step dad has had cancer - and especially in the last month - I drew back from Facebook (where a lot of blogger chat goes on) as I didn't have the energy to deal with anything but existing. I felt even further away from the plus size community, and very few people checked to see how I was. Maybe it is petty to count the times people haven't been there for me, and maybe it is just my evil mental health isolating me from everyone, but I feel I've been a friend to many and it can be so one sided. I can be there with kind words for people over and over again and some just lap it up with nothing in return. I'm very disillusioned with the community right now, especially as I'd thought that when I needed support it would be there. Maybe me talking about my step dad's cancer comes across as attention seeking or bores people to tears. Maybe my constant health dramas test the limits of believability, but trust me, if reading about it is tiresome, guess how living it feels. ;)


There are SO many plus bloggers now with various different reasons for getting into it, everything is so competitive and as such it can be a pressure cooker waiting to go off. It feels like there's something massive and malignant growing, and I'm not too sure how much longer things can carry on without it breaking into factions. It has changed SO much in the 3-4 years I've been blogging/blog reading, with people starting blogs just for 'free shit'. I didn't even know there WAS free shit when I started blogging - I just thought everyone was incredibly rich. Naive, or what?


Maybe I am a big ol' drama queen, but I *had* expected that when I went off the grid some people might've cared. As I said previously in the post I know people are busy. I know we all have our own shit to deal with - with blogging, with our lives - and that often insulates us to the plight of others. Before the last few months I would've said the plus size community is amazing, strong and supportive, but that just hasn't been the case for me of late, and I feel incredibly sad about this. All along I felt like I belonged to this massive force for good but now it feels like it was an illusion. I feel like I've deluded myself. To me, community celebrates your successes and holds you up when you need it. If you're only a valued part of a community when you're putting in, is that really a community? I'm slipping out of people's minds, if I was ever there. I just can't devote the time it takes to be an active member right now, and I know that people who used to have time for me now don't.


Are people's memories really that short? Does the loyalty only lie with the people who've commented on your blog that week? Or is it really just every bugger for themselves? Am I the only one feeling this? Because of all this depth of feeling I've kinda fallen out of love with outfit blogging and feel like talking about make up more at the moment. Whenever my depression is really bad I just want to look pretty, and makeup does make me feel happier. I'm not buying new clothes because we're skint so I'm only showing old outfits, whereas I have LOADS of makeup I've never talked about here. This change of focus may only be temporary, until I get my head straight, or I may take a break from blogging altogether.


I don't know if community in plus size blogging IS an illusion, but increasingly my community consists of my readers and my Twitter/Instagram followers, not other bloggers. Maybe I've been placing my trust in the wrong places all along, and maybe that's why I'm so sad.


So, readers and fellow bloggers, is community in plus size blogging an illusion? Do you feel supported by it? Is there a rift brewing? Or am I being an over sensitive dick? I know this is a contentious subject and will probably go further towards alienating me from the community, but these are my feelings and I've got to spit them out.

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Is there a place for morals in fashion?

Hello loves,

I have another topic I'd like to chew over with you today - Is there a place for morals in fashion? 

You might know at some time or another I've sworn off Primark (for refusing to cough up for a compensation fund for the Rana Plaza textile factory disaster, they coughed up, I resumed shopping there), Matalan (same), New Look Inspire (for getting rid of loads of their Inspire plus size sections) and Simply Be (for seeming to prioritise thin women over fat women with their sizing of late.)

Do these companies give a shit if someone like me boycotts them? Of course not. I'm just one woman. I'm a dewdrop less in a raging sea of money floating into their gaping maws. But how many consumers actually care about the conditions and pay of the workers who make our clothes? How many people genuinely care if there are enough clothes available for people larger than them? Is there any point at all in giving a shit about things like this?

For the record, I don't think I went about my boycott of Simply Be in the right way. I still have absolutely no intention of shopping with them, and with a £600 bill to pay off (the interest rate of which has me paying over a third of each bill in interest alone) that's probably going to take the next couple of years. That ought to harden my resolve. ;) I think an open letter would've been a better way to have dealt with my feelings. Why? Because swearing off publicly is a done deal, end of the conversation and saying 'You disappoint me' is (hopefully) the start of a conversation. I'm not saying if I had written Simply Be an open letter they'd have deigned to give me a reply because I'm under no illusions about my status in the blogging world, but it would've been a start. You can change something from the inside a lot more easily than you can by shouting over the wall.

Perhaps a question I might ask myself is why do I care if companies shit on their workers and/or their loyal customers? I just do. I'm a bleeding heart who just happens to love fashion, but if I carry on caring so much I'll soon have nowhere left to shop. ;) 

I'm still disgruntled with New Look too but since I'm a tight bitch and my options are limited I've sinned! I bought something from them (via ASOS, because free next day delivery with Premier, yeah boi!) and it makes me feel dirty, dirty, dirty. But well clothed, of course. ;)

With the recent body shaming social media posts from Taking Shape and Pink Clove, is it time we start holding companies to account or is it all just about the fashion?

Where do you draw the line? Have you ever boycotted a company? What would it take for you to stop shopping at your favourite store? Do you ever think about what goes on behind the sewing machine? (Or the PR machine?)

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Does blogging make you selfish?

Hello sweet peas,

I've asked myself several times: Does blogging make you selfish? I don't have a definitive answer yet, but maybe I'll have one worked out by the end of this post. I write to work my thoughts and feelings out and it has always been this way.

So much of blogging is about sharing of myself - my outfit posts, my opinions - and doing so on several different platforms as different people respond to different things. Some people might like to keep up with my life on Instagram as a photo tells an instant story, some might like my Twitter feed for the  photos & links to things that make me tick, and others might like to immerse themselves in the blog for the full whammy of text and photos. I share a lot of my life on Instagram, my blog auto-posts a link to Twitter & my Just Me Leah Facebook page, and when I remember I share my posts to Tumblr and Pinterest manually. It all takes time, not just to share my posts, but to share interesting things as well and to personalise things a little bit so I'm not just machine-gunning the same information at people on every social media channel.

In the past being a good blogger didn't always leave me enough time to be a good person. I wasn't left with as much time as I wanted to read other people's blogs, check up on my friends/family and generally be a well rounded person (if you'll excuse the pun.) A chronically ill life requires a lot of self care, a lot of sleep, and a lot of time decompressing from the world by being alone with my thoughts. I was only adding to the pressure by treating my blog as an invisible taskmaster brandishing a whip.

I'm getting close to answering my own question now. It's all about priorities, isn't it? In the past I always put the blog first to my own detriment. I don't know why I have this harsh work ethic, but I always have done. Whatever I do I put my all into, even if I half kill myself in the process. Part of being older is realising I'm worth taking care of, and no one wants to read the blog of a frazzled woman anyway. In the past, if I was going on holiday or even going away for the weekend I'd bust a gut to schedule posts for the duration, but now I think 'Sod it!' If I'm having a busy weekend with family or friends I might not post anything for a few days and although I might feel a few pangs of regret, I won't spend the whole time worrying. Not any more!

I read blogs every evening as I really enjoy it but I don't read every post by every person and I certainly don't comment on every one. I used to follow too many blogs out of FOMO (fear of missing out) but I got over that and unfollowed a lot of people and I feel better for it. Away from the blog side of things, I do feel selfish if I've not checked in on my special people on social media for a few days, but there's only so much you can do in a day. My load is relatively small compared to that of others - there's the flat and my husband to look after, and my own well-being of course - which brings me back to the importance of balance. I would say if being a blogger is detracting from your quality of life then it really IS time to take a step back and consider what is most important to you. This applies to any situation in life, of course.

Being more relaxed about my blogging and blog reading habits leaves me more time to catch up on my favourite bloggers and comment on their blogs. It leaves me more time to leave thoughtful replies to the comments I receive on my blog. It gives me more time to think about content. It leaves me more time to check up on my friends and to call my family. It leaves me more time to be happy. There is so much more joy in doing something because I want to, rather than because I have to.

I've long thought that if my blog got really successful and my social media went nuts I'd hate it, as I love to reply to genuine comments on all my social media, and not being able to do so would really stress me out. So perhaps the answer to my question is yes, blogging does make you a little selfish, but only in a way so that you work out what's really important to you, and for me it's all about balance and priorities. If there's a moral to this story, it's don't make any one thing rule your life, no matter what it is.

Your thoughts?

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

P.S. I've been kind of shying away from opinion posts recently as Fibromyalgia makes it so difficult for me to get my point across. I never have problems getting the words to come - that's never been a problem. It's whittling them down so they make sense that is the trouble. If you've been reading a long time you might know that it's always been my aim to be an author one day, and I'm constantly rattling plot lines around in my head, but in many ways Fibromyalgia is my Kryptonite.

Before I deleted my MySpace ages ago I re-read some of my old blogs from the mid 2000s and wanted to weep. It appears my grasp of vocabulary and even the ability to punctuate and spell is being taken away from me incrementally, and it's endlessly frustrating. Brain fog is a bastard of a thing, and I long for the days when I didn't have to spend ages proofreading my own writing to make sure I haven't made clangers with my spelling or punctuation. I had a grammar school education FFS. My words have always been my tool, and now it feels like that tool is in need of a bloody good sharpen! This has been a pity party. ;) Thanks for listening.

10 things Tuesday - checklist before photos

Hiiii!

Before I take outfit photos there's a list of things I have to check.

1. That there are no hanging loops sticking out.
2. If it's cold that there are no nipples about to take anyone's eye out.
3. That my glasses aren't all smeary so you can see mah pretty eyes. :)
4. That my VPL isn't too bad.
5. If I'm wearing a necklace, making sure it's round the right way or straight.
6. Making sure you can't see my bra through the fabric of my top/dress when I use flash. (I use flash on self-timer as my camera is slower that way and it gives me time to change poses without blurring the shots.)
7. Accessorise! Half the time I get out bags/necklaces to use and then forget to use them. Grrrr.
8. Making sure there's no annoying clutter in the background of my shots.
9. Remember to SMILE! Sometimes I'm so busy thinking about everything else the resting bitch face comes out.
10. That there's no food stuck between my teeth or lipstick on my teeth.
11. BONUS THING! That I take that bloody hair band off my wrist! The amount of times I forget and that scraggy old hair band is in shot....aaargh. #perfectionistproblems

Phew! What do you do to make sure you're on point, fashion bloggers?

Thanks for peeking,
Leah xoxo

5 ways to beat the blogging blues

Hiya pickles!

I was thinking about the times recently when I've needed a rest from blogging due to personal reasons or feeling burned out. Here are a few tips which help me beat the blogging blues.

1. TAKE A BREAK. If everything is getting on top of you and blogging feels like a chore rather than a pleasure, take a few days off (or longer if you need it). Do something fun, see your friends and family, or curl up on the sofa with a bunch of DVDs. When you're refreshed your readers will be ready and waiting. I felt enthused about blogging again after my mini-breaks a month or so ago and wouldn't hesitate to take one again if I need it.
2. TALK TO OTHER BLOGGERS. They're in the perfect position to sympathise with you when you feel uncertain about your blog or blogging itself. If you've built up a network of blogger friends on Facebook or Twitter, talk to them and see if they can offer you some perspective. The bloggers I know are fantastically supportive and always there to help.
3. LOOK THROUGH YOUR ARCHIVE. If you're tired out it's hard to be objective, so you might be beating yourself up about your blog content for no good reason. Blogging is a competitive business, and it's easy to feel like you don't match up to the big hitters. Any time I feel a bit blue I look through my archive and soon start to feel proud of what I've done so far.
4. REDIRECT. If you're unhappy with your blog, introduce some new features. Ask for guest bloggers, do some Youtube videos or even add a new subject matter to your blog. If you're a fashion blogger with a passion for cake decorating, talk about it. If you're a wordy blogger and want to branch off into beauty, go for it! If readers are really into you they won't care what the hell you talk about.
5. CHANGE YOUR DESIGN. It can be as simple as changing your profile photo, refreshing your About Me to make sure it's bang up to date, or else take time off to have a complete redesign. Whether you DIY it or pay someone else, a change of scenery can perk you up. If I'm feeling down about my blog, refreshing it a little always cheers me up.

Bloggers, if you get down, what helps you feel better? Blog readers, what makes you subscribe to a blog?

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo