I think we all like to think we're good people (or we strive to be so) but sometimes it's good to listen to the devil on your shoulder instead of the angel. ;) Here are 10 little ways I'm gloriously naughty.
- If you hurt yourself, I will most probably laugh heartily before I ask you if you're OK. It's a nervous thing, or at least I think so. :)
- If doorstep religion peddlers come to the door I will shut it in their face with no hesitation. Once a bloke put his foot across my doorstep and his hand by the lock, thinking I couldn't shut the door on him. Wrong. The last thing I saw was his look of alarm as he jumped out of the way when I slammed the door in his face. Cheeky sod!
- I might silently judge your eyebrows.....which is hypocritical as mine have been absolutely criminal in the past.
- If someone farts and it really stinks, I will let other people know it wasn't me in a heartbeat. Especially if it's my mother, as she makes more stench than any other person I know. She cleared out a whole pub once when she let one go.
- If my neighbours are having a row, you betcha I've got my ear to the wall or the floor trying to hear what they're shouting at each other. Especially if they're drunk. That's better than Eastenders!
- I will walk straight past those charity muggers in the high street with no guilt at all. They can sense weakness and will have your direct debit details before you can say boo.
- Sometimes when James is waxing lyrical about science or computer games I don't even try to listen and make noises in what I hope are all the right places. There's only so much crap my poor brain can take in at once and he'll rave on about CERN or something about his pc games and I almost fall asleep on my own tits.
- If I'm new to your house I'll probably peek in your bathroom cabinet to see what you've got in there. Hide the KY jelly and the haemorrhoid cream at the back!
- If I answer the phone and hear call centre noises in the background, I will hang up every damn time. I don't care if they have Jason Momoa in there about to declare undying love, they can piss off.
- I turn into a rage-filled monster on supermarket shopping trips, especially if some dumb arsehole hits me with their trolley or basket. I have our shopping delivered most of the time for the good of mankind, and because prison grey walls won't flatter my complexion.
Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo
