Reasons to be happy

I've been doing a lot of work on my mental health recently and one of the things I've been doing is concentrating on the things that make me happy, so I thought I would share some of them with you.

1. Becoming National Trust members.
James and I have got a joint membership and I can't wait to explore lots of places. I love being outdoors in spring, summer and autumn so I'm so excited. We went to Scotney Castle on Saturday, where the photo above was taken.

My weekend - 2 films, a christening and a knees up

Hiya lovelies!

I hope you had a great weekend? It was gorgeous here in the UK - sunny and warm.

On Friday I helped my ex boss set up a Facebook page for his business, so he took me out for lunch to thank me. On Friday evening we had a few friends round. We had an Indian and watched Anchorman 2. It was funny in parts but the ending fight-but-not-a-fight sequence was weird. Like 'Who smoked all the pot?' weird. With added Kanye West - and that's always weird.

Saturday morning we said goodbye to Rach (who'd stayed over with us) then went on the hour and a bit drive to Kent to see my dad, cousin and niece. (It's my dad's birthday today, 61 years young!) We only stayed a couple of hours as we needed to go and fix my aunt's laptop. Unpaid tech help never ends, hahaha.

My dad

My niece. The front camera makes everyone look long faced!

After that we headed off to my aunt & uncle's house a few miles away, and my mum and step dad were also there. I got stuck in straight away and started teaching my aunt how to use Facebook and Twitter, then hubs took over with the more technical stuff she needed doing. My mum lost some of her make up in their house move so I took her a couple of eyeshadow palettes and a mascara so she can feel pretty. We only stayed there for a few hours then went to London to see hubby's parents. Our weekends away are always this manic when we go visiting family! Too many lovely people, not enough time.

The Shard from Wapping

We got to London and had a roast dinner, then watched Hercules, the one with Kellan Lutz in it. The script, acting and CGI were terrible. The best thing about the whole lot was Kellan's sculpted man boobs, which looked to be about a D cup. ;)

Ready to sleep like a log.

Sunday morning saw us all dressed up in our finest togs to go to our baby niece's christening. We had a wonderful drive through central London, Camden and Hampstead to the Greek church in Golders Green. Hampstead is lovely! It has a country village feel although it's in London and I'd love to go back sometime to explore it.

Camden!

I've been to Camden many times in the past, but not very often since I've been ill as central London on foot and on the Tube is too taxing for me. I'd never driven through it before so it was nice to take it all in from the car.

A lot of the shop fronts in Camden have large 3D art on them, which is interesting as it always seems to change in between visits.

It was SO busy there. I was glad we were just driving through.

Another big piece of art.

We got to the church about half an hour early, met the priest and sat down in the cool air inside to wait for everyone else to arrive. The church was absolutely stunning. The stained glass was the most colourful I'd ever seen, and there was intricately carved wood everywhere. It was a beautiful venue for little E's christening. She looked as cute as a button in her outfits (one for before the dunking and one for afterwards) but we don't take photos of her as we feel her parents should have control over who gets to see her cute little face.

What a gorgeous light fitting!

After the ceremony (which was complete with sing-song chanting from the priest and incense wafting) we went round to E's granddad (on the maternal side) for the christening party. Greeks certainly know how to throw a party! Grandad Tony is such a wonderful host - he won't stand for an empty glass and makes enough food to feed an army. We'd barely been sitting down for 5 minutes before the ladies came round bearing trays of nibbles to tide us over until the rest of the food was cooked. There were children running around happily, lots of laughter, lots of wine refills, and a really warm 'extended family' atmosphere which made us feel right at home from the minute we stepped through the door. It was the second party we'd been to there, and we saw some of the same people as last time and they're all so warm and friendly. Good vibes! We had to leave reluctantly around 6.30pm because it's more than a 2 hour drive home, but before we did I was given baklava for the road, a slice of cake and a pastry. They are good people! I have warm fuzzies now and will for days.

What did you get up to?

Now I need a weekend to recover from my weekend!

Perspective

Hiya lovelies!

Apologies for this, my second thoughtful post in a row. I promise there are posts less likely to make your brain ache coming soon.

Today I got a slice of well needed perspective and I wanted to share because I had a bit of an epiphany.

I've got PMT, PMS, whatever you want to call it. On top of the depression it's been making me feel really low. Generally my self-esteem is pretty good, but when I'm pre-menstrual I become an insecure mess. I compare myself to other people, which is a sure-fire way to end up miserable quick. When I feel like this, I feel 'less than' compared to other people and it makes me want to withdraw from being on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else because I feel as if I'm a pain and people are sick of hearing from me. I start to get paranoid, thinking no one likes me, which I know isn't true because I have a loving family and lots of great friends. Even as I'm feeling these things, I know they're stupid, but still I feel them. I'm sharing this because I'm sure lots of people feel like this occasionally but might not publicly acknowledge it as it's a little embarrassing. I don't mind being embarrassed in the pursuit of honesty.

So today I've been going round feeling like crap until I got served up a nice slice of wake the hell up. My mum texted me to tell me the girl who lived opposite us at our old house died in the summer. The girl's mother wrote to my mum. This girl and I were the same age. She'd had a fall down the stairs, soldiered on for a few weeks, then gone to hospital as she was feeling so ill. She died of a blood clot on the lung 4 days later. To make matter even worse, this poor lady's only other child needs a kidney transplant. How terrible. How cruel.

Immediately I thought 'This is proof (if we need any) that you have to live your life to the fullest as you never know when your days on this earth are done.' Then I thought 'I wish I didn't need to draw perspective from someone else's heartache.'

BINGO!

Perhaps happiness is not the right word I'm looking for. Contentment? Satisfaction? Gratitude?

Wouldn't it be great if we didn't need to be reminded by horrific events that we are lucky to be here, lucky to be alive, just damn bloody lucky?

I am saying I'm taking this bit of perspective to heart and will try in future to be thankful for the good things in my life. I'll try not to focus on this few days a month where I feel like hiding out in the darkest depths of the Mariana trench and instead remember all the good that is around me. This Christmas, as I spend time with my family and friends, I will be thinking of that family, hoping against hope that a kidney is found for the daughter and that somehow they can heal their hearts after this awful loss. I feel ashamed I had to think of their hurt to realise how blessed I am. I hope in future I can look for my own blessings without needing to be reminded of the suffering of others.

I share all of this because if this finds a home in one of you, dear readers, it will have been worth it.

Hugs to anyone out there feeling 'less than' right now.

x x x

More about friendship

As I said in my last blog, I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday we went to Salisbury to stay with our mates Mich and Tim for a couple of days. They got married late last year in Scotland with just two other people there, and they threw the big ‘We’re married!’ bash Sunday night.

We arrived about Saturday tea time and got down to the business of getting tipsy (oh OK, drunk) on vodka. 3 of our other friends had come down from Manchester, so there were 7 of us in all. We had a wonderful giggly evening bringing up memories and sinking many drinks. I headed to bed at 2-ish and J and Tim were the last to go off to bed at 3am. I went to sleep with a massive smile on my face after having such a fun evening.

I was amazed to wake up on Saturday and be as fresh as a daisy. I had no hangover at all, which is a rarity for me, but I embraced it! A couple of people were slightly hanging, J included. I was as chirpy as usual, I can't help it when I'm around good people. We went off into Salisbury proper yesterday for lunch and to explore a bit, whilst leaving Mich and Tim to have some quality time with their families. We’d never been to Salisbury before. Long story short - it's epic. If you’re into history and architecture, you’ll be in heaven. Every 5 buildings or so there’s something that would’ve been around in Shakespeare’s time, or even earlier. One building I saw was 13th century, although there are probably more like it we didn’t get to see. We made a beeline for the cathedral after lunch in Wetherspoons, mainly because it’s so tall you’d have to be blind to miss it! It’s immense in size and so beautiful. We didn’t go inside because we were short of time, but we’re going back in 3 weeks so we’ll do a bit more sightseeing then. You could sprain your wrist taking so many photos. There's inspiration everywhere, it's almost overwhelming. It's my dream city so far.

The party on Sunday was really mellow compared to our usual crazy standards ;) It was lovely. We drank a load more and had a sedate little couples dance to Nothing Else Matters, which was Mich and Tim’s first dance song. Pre my illness I'd have been throwing some shapes on the dance floor all night, but I enjoyed watching the others having a dance, and I always dance about in my chair. There was great food, an impromptu entertainer who tried his best to entertain despite some issues with the sound (ahem) and lots of laughing about. You know when you’re in good company because you don’t have to strain for conversation. We make each other laugh just by looking at each other or enjoy the (rare) silences when they come. But usually we just laugh and take the mickey out of each other, share a memory from way-back-when or take silly photos to remind us what happened when we're too drunk to remember. Sometimes friendships are hard work, but not the good ones. They are totally effortless. You just slot together like a jigsaw that's been lovingly pieced together many times. You can be yourself unashamedly, and it's OK. Old friendships are like putting on a cosy old jumper you've had at the back of the wardrobe. So comfy, so familiar, and you wonder why it's been put to the back when you love it like no other. When you put it on, you realise what you've been missing all this time and then you don't want to take it off.

In the favours boxes on the tables at the party there were skull and crossbones temporary tattoos amongst other things, so us three girls put them on our boobs. We’re talking about having a similar design tattooed on us for real. We’ve all got tattoos anyway and it’ll be a nice bonding thing, a friendship tattoo. Us 3 girls plus the bride - who couldn’t really be seen with a fake tattoo on her boob in the photos last night so she didn't apply one - all met though a penpal agency for people into rock and metal music about 13 years ago, if memory serves me right. We’ve been through some crap together, lost our share of friends along the way  and have been through personal trials and tribulations along the way. We had a wonderful holiday to Ibiza about 10 years ago, the four of us, and I like to think we'll be friends to the end.

We live all over the country, our boyfriends have come and gone over the years, and two of us are now married. We’re all in a good place, by and large. Our 4 fellas are all bloody diamonds, and as soon as we all get together it just WORKS. It's wonderful to see your friends with brilliant guys who love them to bits. All you could wish for for your friends is happiness and being around them and seeing them so happy is a treat, it really is. When we get together no one really talks about much about work, we just get our party heads on because we see each other so rarely. It’s so good every time we part I think ‘We MUST do this more often!’ and then time goes by, the memories fade, I get caught up in the day to day struggles and too long goes by.

Not this time, though! We have plans to see Mich and Tim in 3 weeks and our Northern buddies in a couple of months.

You can’t put a price on good friendship. I would go to the ends of the earth to see those fuckers.

Who are your oldest friends? Are they far away from you or on your doorstep?