Fibromyalgia chic - soft & warm

I have a thing for layering things under or over things at the moment. My love affair with all things layered began with my Yours Clothing drape pocket dresses (here, here) and it continues. Of course it helps that the weather has been pretty dang cold, as spring hasn't got the memo that the temperatures need to rise. ;)

This is the epitome of what I jokingly call 'Fibromyalgia chic'. With Fibro, skin is terribly sensitive not just to pressure but to things that touch it even lightly. That means itchy clothing labels, clammy manmade fibres, rough fabrics and too tight clothing can feel like torture. Soft, stretchy fabrics are essential, especially in times where I'm going to be moving a lot. I've come in and ripped my clothes off in a rage far too many times because they've been getting on my last nerve - literally! Although this outfit is nothing special at all in the style stakes, it's the kind of thing I often hang around in at home in. Layering is handy as I balance of the precipice of too hot and too cold ALL THE FRICKING TIME. The Goldilocks zone (just right) is an elusive mudderfugger. I'm never far away from a cardi or a blanket.

This outfit is similar to another recent one but I'm obsessed with clothes without patterns at the moment. I've always been a pattern person in the past but now I crave wearing neutral shades accented with a bold pop of colour. The only patterns I've worn recently have been leopard print and wide stripes, which have always been favourites of mine. Mainly I'm feeling wearing black and grey with pink or purple accents.

There's nothing new in this outfit except the leggings, but it's kind of refreshing to not feel like I'm selling something for someone every time I do an outfit post. I want to be more than a series of links, you know? I'm going to try to inject a little more variety into what I write here. Fashion is just a tiny part of what inspires me - there's my family and friends, nature, tv, films, books, history, music, human rights, politics and feminism to name a few. I'm a well-rounded person (in more than one way, lol!) and I need to try to bring some more of ME into this blog.

I'm wearing:
Sunglasses, past Primark
Jumper from Mookie, originally from George at Asda
Dress, past season New Look Inspire (from a twin pack)
Charcoal cropped leggings with lace panel
Shoes, past season Primark wide fit

I'm wearing those maternity leggings again. If you didn't read my last post with them in, size up in the dark grey as they come up at more like a size 22-24 than the 26-28 they're supposed to be. The black ones are true to size. I haven't got the light grey ones so I can't tell you what the fit is like there. Size up especially if you are actually pregnant and/or want to pull them up high as they're intended to be.

I've fallen in love with these Primark flats all over again and have been wearing them a lot of late.

I've been obsessed with sunglasses recently. I have a prescription pair which I wear in the car when we're out in the evenings, but I don't really like the style of them any more. (I have to wear sunglasses in the dark in the car as the lights from oncoming cars give me migraines. Just another weird/annoying Fibromyalgia thing. Don't worry, I don't drive! Lol). If I'm wearing sunglasses to take outfit photos I want huge ones to hide my eyes and eyebrows to disguise my lack of makeup. Lazy girl outfit times, yo! I'm very short sighted without glasses so anytime I'm wearing ordinary sunnies I'm as myopic AF, but lately it's great to put some big sunnies on and do my lippie and I'm ready to go.

Leah xoxo

St Laurence's cemetery Hawkhurst

Now spring is here James and I are going out exploring every weekend and I'm taking lots of photos. I've debated whether to post the scenery photos I take with their corresponding fashion photos but have decided to post them on a standalone basis. I'm happiest with a camera in hand and there's no sense taking photos for them to just sit on my hard drive, is there?! I've got such a backlog of photos (both fashion and scenery) to share, but I'm trying to space out the frequency of my posts so I can enjoy life a bit more. The trouble is if I'm not working I tend to feel a bit lost, but I'm working on relaxing more. ;)

This set is from St Laurence's church in Hawkhurst, Kent, about a half hour drive away from us. 

Now, why the appeal with churches and cemeteries? I'm mostly drawn to the outer reaches of churches, although churches themselves do bring me peace on the rare occasions I enter them. I've been exploring cemeteries since I was a child. I've never feared the dead (apart from one time I must share at some point. It's a pretty epic ghost story!) So why the obsession? Cemeteries are free to enter, they usually have lots of lovely trees, plants and flowers to look at, and they tend to be mostly devoid of the living. For a nature-loving empath introvert like me it's a dream come true. I'm also a massive history nerd, and spotting a grave from the 1700s gives me a thrill, as does seeing a skull and crossbones on a grave. I love the way the oldest graves are smothered in moss and lichen and I can barely make the words out. I'm the biggest nerd ever. I feel at peace in places that have existed for hundreds of years. It brings out a historic romance, wondering who walked these places before me.

This last photo was taken through a tiny gap in a grille. The stairs lead to some kind of crypt room, long since unused. I wonder what led to it being abandoned? Perhaps that's what I love about history the most - unanswered questions.

If you want to see more from Hawkhurst, check out my post from 2014. It's good to see I didn't take photos of the same things this year as at the first visit. ;) We first visited at the end of April 2014, and it's amazing how much more in bloom everything was in the April visit as opposed to this mid-March one. One day I might actually make it inside!

St Laurence Church

The Moor
Hawkhurst
Kent
TN18 4NT

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Modcloth dress - Beetlejuice plus spring flowers

I hope you all had a great Easter? I did. My mum and step dad stayed with us for 3 days and we had some nice walks/outings. I took a few days off blogging and feel refreshed and raring to go again. The weather was mostly good, although we got drenched to the skin on Sunday. We all looked a right state, and my step dad hair-dried his crotch when we got in. Hahaha!

Back to this outfit, I bought this dress from Modcloth a few months ago when they did their last Stylish Surprise, which is where they send you an item of clothing at random for a much lower price than retail. It's a great way for them to shift end of line items, and a great bargain for the buyer too. Alas, this dress is no longer for sale on the website, although make me an offer if you want it. ;) I like it, but I'm also having a major re-evaluation of my personal style in favour of block colours rather than patterns, so I could part with it.

I'm wearing a 4X, and this dress has pockets. *angels sing* I think of this dress as being Beetlejuice + spring flowers, and that means double happiness for me as I love them both.

The dress is fully lined with cotton which is a good thing for hot days, but I'm used to things lined with cheap slinky materials which glide over my body (even if they do make me sweat a bit). The dress has a tendency to get a little twisted over my chest - my back is very wide and I have F cup boobs so perhaps this is inevitable with a non-slip lining. It's well made, as all the Modcloth dresses I've tried have been.

I'm wearing:
Biker, past season New Look Inspire
Dress, past season Modcloth
Shoes, current Primark stock

I think these shoes were £3, and they're so comfortable!
Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Neutrals are always a winner

...especially if they make your rack look this good! And I have a soft spot for acid wash. I blame it on living through the 80s. Don't tell anyone I'm that old. It's our secret. ;)

Unfortunately most things in this post are old, but I hope you enjoy the mishmash of the rockin' top half of the outfit and the most comfortable shoes in the world.

My God, these trainers. They're like walking on marshmallows. You're going to see them with everything. You have to try some on somewhere. Just do it - trust me. Your life will change, especially if you have pain conditions. I'm evangelical about them.

I'm wearing:
Stole, eBay
Bag, present from my mum & step dad
Necklace, blog sale
Biker, past season New Look Inspire
Dress, past season ASOS Curve
Leggings, Very (twin pack, one long one short)
Skechers Go Walk 3, QVC

I was worried the Skechers wouldn't fit, or they would be too narrow. They were a tight fit at first but a few hours of wearing them around the house with thick socks on made them give (with no blisters caused!) and now they're literally the most comfortable footwear I've ever worn. I want them in 15 colours. I can walk and do yoga in them, and they're so light. They've got insoles which is like a yoga mat material (they call it goga mat, I think) and memory foam cushioning to stop them rubbing your heels. I'm going to shut up now, but try them on if you get a chance. I bought them for my holiday in May with a view to walking more than usual, and I'm so glad I did.

What are you passionate about right now? What's floating your boat?!
Leah xoxo

ENDED - £30 House of Fraser voucher

***31.03.16. The giveaway is over and the winner is Gillian from Eyeliner Flicks, who has been informed.***

The lovely folks at House of Fraser are going to give one of YOU lovely people a £30 voucher.

What would you spend it on? I always fancy a new handbag at this time of year. I like big bags and I cannot lie! If I can't chuck the kitchen sink in it it's no good to me.

ONE TWO
THREE FOUR

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck! The voucher can be used online or in store.
Leah xoxo

Harness your power feat. Vixen Curves

I discovered Vixen Curves on Instagram and have been following them for a while. At first I didn't realise the harnesses they make are plus size but once I did I went over to their website and pre-ordered a couple. This one is called the Vixen. It and it took 2-3 weeks to come, which is no biggie for me. I often buy from abroad so I'm used to a long wait before my goodies arrive - patience is a virtue, as they say. ;) Vixen Curves are in the UK but it's worth a wait for an item from a small business. They're also totally body positive and their Instagram account is great.

Jacket, past season New Look Inspire
Bag, Plus North 2014
Harness, Vixen Curves
Vest, eBay
Leggings, Yours Clothing
Shoes, Primark

Here's what it looks like on a mannequin:

Photo credit: Vixen Curves

As you can see there's a strap around the neck and another strap goes around the back, round about where my fastens. It's got loads of stretch in it and I'd say it'd fit a size 32 easily.

I have another harness to show you some other time - this one may look better over clothes. I'll have a play with it and show you that soon! You know it's funny because years ago I would've wanted to wear something a little alternative like this, but I wouldn't have had the confidence. Now I wear what I want when I want. It's very liberating! One of the best things about getting older for me is not caring what other people think about me. At this rate I'll be a very interesting OAP! I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for anything! ;)

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Plus 40 Fabulous March - Achievements

I grew up very poor but was lucky enough to go to a grammar school, which at least gave me some sense of achievement at that young age. There was a mix of children from ordinary families like mine, and at the other end of the spectrum from very wealthy families who lived in the villages away from the town our school was in. Their futures may have been mapped out - 6th form education, daddy buying their first car, uni, satisfying well paid work followed by marrying a banker, popping out Olivia and Timothy, and living in a charming little pile in the countryside. There was never really any question of me staying on to 6th form education as I was desperate to get away from the stigma of being poor. I went to work. I would expect with the background I'd had that some of my teachers - maybe even some of my fellow schoolmates - may have thought I'd be knocked up by 16 and living the rest of my life in a council house amounting to not a lot.

What is my biggest achievement? I'm not dead. It's a funny thing to say, but I'm still alive. Falling down a concrete flight of stairs and sustaining back injuries (which plague me to this day) as a small child didn't kill me. Getting run over by a Ford Transit van as a teenager didn't kill me. Don't you know who I am, fool?! I rode rollercoasters 3 days later. In my early 20s in a work place accident I was impaled on a 6 inch bolt in my knee and that didn't kill me, although the pain, loss of mobility and depression nearly did. Depression hasn't killed me. Living a 'smaller' life because of Fibromyalgia and ME (and asthma, aaand hypothyroidism) although a challenge, hasn't killed me. Numerous hard times from childhood onwards haven't killed me. Letting go of many of my dreams because of my new Fibro/ME reality hasn't killed me. Having 2 ectopic pregnancies hasn't killed me, although the last one had a fucking good try.

From this, to that - 3 days in hospital on oxygen, an 8 inch scar from emergency open surgery and one fallopian tube removed

I found out James wasn't ready to lose me to another ectopic pregnancy, so he had a vasectomy and that didn't kill me either. Not being able to be a mum hasn't killed me. Personal and professional struggles haven't killed me. My health hasn't killed me (yet - winks at my haters).

The thing is, when you're young and shit happens you have no context for it. You don't know you're tough. You don't know you can get through anything, no matter how bad. That only happens when you've endured a lot. 

I FUCKING ENDURE.
I'M A FUCKING WARRIOR.
I RISE.
I AM THE FIRE.



Am I brave enough?
Am I strong enough?
To follow the desire
That burns from within
To push away my fear
To stand where I'm afraid
I am through with this
'Cause I am more than this
I promise to myself
Alone and no one else
My flame is rising higher

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waiting for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire

I've been sacrificed
My hearts been cauterized
Hanging on to hope
Shackled by the ghost
Of what I once believed
That I could never be
What's right in front of me?

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waiting for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire

I don't believe I'll fall from grace
Won't let the past decide my fate
Leave forgiveness in my wake
Take the love that I've embraced

I promise to myself, me and no one else
I am more than this
I am the fire

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waited for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire

I LOVE that song!

My biggest achievement is I'm still here, able to give two middle fingers to life and say 'What have you got for me now, beeyatch?!' It might not seem much to some, but it's a lot to me.

Bonus mention to this blog, without which I'd have gone batshit years ago. Also maintaining good self esteem in a world desperate to eradicate fat bodies is a pretty good achievement too. ;)

The other achievers this month are:

Cathy: http://www.southernyacht.blogspot.co.uk/
Christy: http://www.sprintingwithscissors.blogspot.co.uk/
Daisy: http://daisysays.co.uk
Kate: https://wearingmywardrobein2016.wordpress.com
Kath: https://fatheffalump.wordpress.com
Lee: http://www.pinkybellesshed.co.uk/
Mookie: http://www.mookieslife.com/
Nikki :http://www.nattynikki.com/
Perelandra: http://www.pamperandcurves.com/
Sarah: http://www.plussizeproud.co.uk
Steph: http://www.misskittenheel.com
Yvonne: http://woosangwashere.blogspot.com

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Breaking rules - horizontal stripes & maternity wear feat. Yours Clothing & George at Asda

Lord no, I'm not pregnant. That'd be rather alarming to James since he had a vasectomy a couple of years ago! ;) I don't take any notice of rules like 'maternity clothes are only for pregnant people' or 'fat girls can't wear horizontal stripes'. What a crock! Try to stop me. :) Wear what you want.

I'm wearing a maternity dress from George at Asda - which is a steal at £8 - and maternity leggings from Yours Clothing. I love them because of the high waist and the lace at the bottom of the legs.

These photos were taken by the beach a few miles away from us. We're lucky to have lots of beaches near us, which always help sweep the cobwebs away on a dreary mood/energy day.

I'm wearing:
Sunglasses, Primark similar here
Faux fur stole, similar here
Duster jacket, past season New Look Inspire
Belt, past season ASOS Curve
Bag, past season Peacocks
Stripe maternity dress, George at Asda (size 24)
Bump It Up maternity cropped black leggings (size 26/28)
Sketcher Go Walk 3, QVC

This outfit was so comfortable, perfect for a walk. It was bloody freezing this day though - it was about 0 with windchill and I was only wearing a thin coat - brrrr! Walking faster to warm up was a pleasure!

Leah xoxo