Plus 40 Fabulous March - Achievements

I grew up very poor but was lucky enough to go to a grammar school, which at least gave me some sense of achievement at that young age. There was a mix of children from ordinary families like mine, and at the other end of the spectrum from very wealthy families who lived in the villages away from the town our school was in. Their futures may have been mapped out - 6th form education, daddy buying their first car, uni, satisfying well paid work followed by marrying a banker, popping out Olivia and Timothy, and living in a charming little pile in the countryside. There was never really any question of me staying on to 6th form education as I was desperate to get away from the stigma of being poor. I went to work. I would expect with the background I'd had that some of my teachers - maybe even some of my fellow schoolmates - may have thought I'd be knocked up by 16 and living the rest of my life in a council house amounting to not a lot.

What is my biggest achievement? I'm not dead. It's a funny thing to say, but I'm still alive. Falling down a concrete flight of stairs and sustaining back injuries (which plague me to this day) as a small child didn't kill me. Getting run over by a Ford Transit van as a teenager didn't kill me. Don't you know who I am, fool?! I rode rollercoasters 3 days later. In my early 20s in a work place accident I was impaled on a 6 inch bolt in my knee and that didn't kill me, although the pain, loss of mobility and depression nearly did. Depression hasn't killed me. Living a 'smaller' life because of Fibromyalgia and ME (and asthma, aaand hypothyroidism) although a challenge, hasn't killed me. Numerous hard times from childhood onwards haven't killed me. Letting go of many of my dreams because of my new Fibro/ME reality hasn't killed me. Having 2 ectopic pregnancies hasn't killed me, although the last one had a fucking good try.

From this, to that - 3 days in hospital on oxygen, an 8 inch scar from emergency open surgery and one fallopian tube removed

I found out James wasn't ready to lose me to another ectopic pregnancy, so he had a vasectomy and that didn't kill me either. Not being able to be a mum hasn't killed me. Personal and professional struggles haven't killed me. My health hasn't killed me (yet - winks at my haters).

The thing is, when you're young and shit happens you have no context for it. You don't know you're tough. You don't know you can get through anything, no matter how bad. That only happens when you've endured a lot. 

I FUCKING ENDURE.
I'M A FUCKING WARRIOR.
I RISE.
I AM THE FIRE.



Am I brave enough?
Am I strong enough?
To follow the desire
That burns from within
To push away my fear
To stand where I'm afraid
I am through with this
'Cause I am more than this
I promise to myself
Alone and no one else
My flame is rising higher

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waiting for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire

I've been sacrificed
My hearts been cauterized
Hanging on to hope
Shackled by the ghost
Of what I once believed
That I could never be
What's right in front of me?

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waiting for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire

I don't believe I'll fall from grace
Won't let the past decide my fate
Leave forgiveness in my wake
Take the love that I've embraced

I promise to myself, me and no one else
I am more than this
I am the fire

I am the fire
I am burning brighter
Roaring like a storm
And I am the one I've been waited for
Screaming like a siren
Alive and burning brighter
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire
I am the fire

I LOVE that song!

My biggest achievement is I'm still here, able to give two middle fingers to life and say 'What have you got for me now, beeyatch?!' It might not seem much to some, but it's a lot to me.

Bonus mention to this blog, without which I'd have gone batshit years ago. Also maintaining good self esteem in a world desperate to eradicate fat bodies is a pretty good achievement too. ;)

The other achievers this month are:

Cathy: http://www.southernyacht.blogspot.co.uk/
Christy: http://www.sprintingwithscissors.blogspot.co.uk/
Daisy: http://daisysays.co.uk
Kate: https://wearingmywardrobein2016.wordpress.com
Kath: https://fatheffalump.wordpress.com
Lee: http://www.pinkybellesshed.co.uk/
Mookie: http://www.mookieslife.com/
Nikki :http://www.nattynikki.com/
Perelandra: http://www.pamperandcurves.com/
Sarah: http://www.plussizeproud.co.uk
Steph: http://www.misskittenheel.com
Yvonne: http://woosangwashere.blogspot.com

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo