NSFW. Pocket pleasure that packs a punch - a Lovehoney review

nsfw-pocket-pleasure-from-Lovehoney-sex-toys // www.xloveleahx.co.uk
If you know me in real life and don't want to read about my sexy-time adventures then please stop reading now! Yes Mum, that means you. 😝

OK, moving on - those babes at Lovehoney sent me some toys to play with recently and since orgasms are the best homework EVER it was my pleasure to try them out. I've been a sex toy user one and off since I was a teen and I've never written about it until recently, but sod it, most people I know love an orgasm!

I'm a liberal woman and James is a liberal man and we have a good selection of toys for both of us. I'm no stranger to Lovehoney - most of our sex toys are from there. They post everything in discreet and sturdy packaging so there'll be no knowing look from your postman! Also, they have a no-quibble 365 day returns policy! I love the reviews on Lovehoney - you're left in no doubt whatsoever if something is powerful enough to do the job as the reviews go into great detail - sometimes hilariously! I usually end up crying with laughter at the reviews and the euphemisms for genitals and shagging.

I was sent three toys and some lube. Read on for what I thought of them.

Lovehoney Ultra Powerful 7 Function Love Egg Vibrator £10
nsfw-pocket-pleasure-from-Lovehoney-sex-toys // www.xloveleahx.co.uk

This is the best tenner you're ever going to spend. This thing is a beast! When I inserted it and switched it on it's a wonder my teeth didn't start chattering. It's SO powerful and not too noisy. This is the first time I'd ever tried a love egg and to be honest I wasn't expecting a really powerful orgasm within a couple of minutes, but that's what I got. And although this is seriously TMI, I have a hard time 'arriving' (I refuse to use the word cum, it makes me cringe) because of my anti anxiety meds. It's because of them spoiling my fun that James and I already have such a selection of toys. I'd only tried about 4 of the 7 settings before it was all over. This is a definite recommend. The only downside I can see with this is it's plastic with a metal-look finish and I'd imagine eventually it'll lose its shine, but it's going where the sun don't shine so I guess it won't matter. Buy here. *AL

Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator £44.99
nsfw-pocket-pleasure-from-Lovehoney-sex-toys // www.xloveleahx.co.uk

This is another pocket sized vibe which I totally underestimated. It's true - it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean! I was thinking 'How powerful can a USB powered vibe be?!' The answer is very bloody powerful, but without being noisy. It has 17 patterns and 3 speeds, and again I only got through a few of them before I'd arrived in O Town. It takes 2 hours to charge by USB and gives an hour of continuous play. When I turned it on and put it on the table it bucked about like a wild horse and fell onto the carpet! I have no idea how they can make something so little so powerful. It comes in a little travel pouch with its own USB lead. This is a totally discreet solution to take away with you on trips - it even has a safety feature so it can't turn on accidentally. If you combined the love egg and this vibe you'll be oh-oh-ohhhhhhh-ing in no time at all. I intend to try that out next. It's a lovely soft touch silicone which is really pleasant to the touch. Buy here. *AL

Lovehoney Oh! Feather Tickler £5.99
nsfw-pocket-pleasure-from-Lovehoney-sex-toys // www.xloveleahx.co.uk

Of all the things to grab hold of and try out when the parcel arrived, James rushed to open this and tickled his meat and veg with it straight away! It's SO soft and very teasing. Just the ticket for foreplay. Tickle yourself or your significant other with it all over. Buy here. *AL

Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant 250ml - £11.99

The site says 'wetter is better' and I have to agree! This is a super slippery lube which feels like natural lubrication. It's not sticky and it lasts a fair while compared to other lubes I've used (cough Durex cough) and you can use it on any toy without fear of damaging it (even silicone ones). It comes with the pump shrink wrapped so it can't come undone in transit and leak everywhere. The pump dispenser is really handy because face it, who wants to faff around undoing lids with a raging hard on or wide on? Buy here. *AL

While on the subject of toys, you're going to need some sex toy cleaner especially if your toys are doing double duty for your cooch and your bum. I have this one and it's great. £6.99 for 100 ml. Just spray on and rinse off and let your toys dry naturally. If you have toys with ridges or furrows which trap muck, an old toothbrush kept just for this purpose will remove any build up.

Now go forth and get your sexy on! Are you a fan of sex toys?

Any link with *AL written after it within this post is an affiliate link, which means if you click and buy from it I will earn a small commission. Thanks for reading. Leah xoxo

*Items supplied by Lovehoney. Opinions and orgasms are my own. 😉

8 comments

  1. Always had really good experiences (wink wink nudge nudge, say no more) shopping with lovehoney. Last time I bought a bullet vibrator from them, I spent ages reading the reviews. Almost as funny as the veet for men reviews on amazon lol. I found them munch cheaper, and more choice than ann summers.

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    1. I read a review on there a while back where a guy had referred to his knob as a "throbbing member" or words to that effect and I was in tears of laughter. He should be writing soft porn as well as sex toy reviews! OHMYGOD that Veet review made me howl! So good.

      Yes, no complaints from me with my LH toys. At this rate I'm going to need a massive chest at the end of the bed to put them all in! ;)

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  2. I knew you reviewing sex toys wouldn't let me down.
    "When I inserted it and switched it on it's a wonder my teeth didn't start chattering." Fucking howling, mate. Though I do like the look of the egg, it looks interesting for sure.

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    1. Hahaha, I'm glad you like my style. ;) Seriously both of them are so powerful I was gone and into next week before I knew what was happening! I've decided I've missed my calling in life - I want to review sex toys allll the time. :D

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  3. First of all, you're braver than me for reviewing sex toys!!! I've turned it down time after time as I have never felt comfortable knowing my family could read it and most of all my daughter haha. :) Second of all, you gave me some good laughs. And some great information as well.. I'm all about the big powerful toys, but it's not always it's practical to bring them so these handy small ones might be an option instead ;)

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    1. I turned a chance to review sex toys down a couple of years ago as I was a bit uptight. Now I don't give a shit - I don't know anyone who doesn't like orgasms. Now I want to review alllllll the sex toys. But when my blog post autoposted to Facebook I hid it really quickly from my mum. :D

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  4. This was a fabulous post! It made me giggle so much :) Bullet vibrators are my go-to, I just love them and this Desire Luxury rechargable one sounds amazing! It's also awesome that the lovehoney lube comes in a dispenser style bottle, that's super handy x

    Sarah | Raiin Monkey

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    1. Thanks Sarah. ;) I have a couple more things to review from Lovehoney and hopefully it'll be an ongoing thing too. The dispenser lube is really handy. I used Durex ones before but they don't last anywhere near long enough before they evaporate - what a mood killer! xx

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