When I got slut shamed

When I came back off my mini hiatus from the blog I knew I needed to come back with something with a bit of oomph to lift my spirits. You see, I'd been in the depths of depression and felt like I'd lost my lust for life and everything in it. I didn't want to put makeup on, I didn't want to get dressed, I didn't want to do anything. So when I felt the lifeblood returning, I knew I had to post some outfit photos I'd been sitting on for a month or so, in which I'm wearing a sheer cropped jumper and some wet look leggings that had gone see through under my bright softbox lights. I knew I had to give myself a big kick up the arse, what way better to do that than post unapologetic photos where hardly any part of my body is hidden?! Baptism by fire, if you will.

Then I got slut shamed, and this is much more than about me. It ties into the Kim Kardashian situation of late, and way beyond that to a belief system in which women are punished for daring to enjoy the same freedoms as men. 

EVERY time I put a slightly revealing photo on Instagram I KNOW I'm going to get shit for it. It happens every time, whether I'm in my underwear, wearing revealing clothing or sometimes for daring to exist at all. It's either concern trolls or - at the other end of the spectrum - sleazebags, but either way I never get to JUST BE in my body. So, before I even uploaded a photo of this outfit to Instagram I knew there'd be a warm shit sandwich awaiting me in some way. What I wasn't expecting was to be slut shamed by another fat woman.

Wow. Just wow. Telling another woman she isn't 'classy' because of her clothing choices on ONE DAY? And we all know what she infers by 'classy' too. She's inferring I'm a slut. WOW. How brave of this woman to hide behind her private profile so I couldn't offer her some fashion 'advice' in return. How brave of her to try to shame another fat woman. Normally I'd ream someone who left such a comment on my Instagram account (as many of you will have seen in the past) but perhaps because she'd inferred I was a low class bitch I held back with the expletives.

This woman's behaviour ties into a bigger problem, whereby women are judged on their actions - what they wear, how much skin they reveal, and who they choose to have sex with (or not). I'm really not a fan of the Kardashians at all - I object to them on the grounds that they're famous for being famous. I've never watched any of their shows and my lack of interest in them is because they're so talked about. What bothers me about the Kardashians is the depth of feeling I've seen on social media from other women about Kim's recent nude selfie. (I don't think I've seen a single man mention it). Yes she did a naked selfie. Yes she did a naked magazine cover. Yes she came to fame from a sex tape (which confounds me because I'm an old lady slightly out of sorts with the image-obsessed ways of the youth, not because she got naked). Yes she certainly loves and thrives off the limelight - that's the understatement of the year.

All of this makes her many things - a shrewd businesswoman, vain, narcissistic, someone who's profited off her sexuality, someone who may appear to be vapid at a glance. NONE OF THESE THINGS MAKE HER A SLUT. You can disapprove of her in many ways just as long as you aren't inferring she's a lesser being for being naked or being a sexual being. So she's not reading Plato for shiggles (that's shits and giggles, I just made that up) or creating world peace, but she's also not cutting the heads off babies (as far as I'm aware). I hate talking about the woman at all as she gets waaaaaaaay too much press already, but it ties into this whole bullshit-ty situation.

Being hooked on attention, or vain, or shallow or self-obsessed or any other questionable personality trait doesn't make her a slut. It makes her a bit of a plonker, but not a slut. A 'slut' is a patriarchal invention to keep women in their place. What is a slut? Someone who enjoys sex? Someone who enjoys sex but not with the one who desires them? Someone who is sexually active? OH NO, STONE THE WITCH.

Jesus Christ on a unicycle, this is 2016. You can boff who you like, with as many partners as you like, as many times as you like as long as it's consensual. As long as you practice safe sex there's nothing wrong with it (unless you're cheating, naughty!), in fact go at it like a barn door in a force 9 gale. There is no such thing as a slut. I Googled slut and the definition that came up was 'A woman who has many sexual partners.' What do we call a man who has many sexual partners? A stud? Lucky?! Why the double standard? Well we know why, don't we girls? Because a certain type of man really dislikes it when women behave with the freedom of men. And the really sad thing is a lot of women fall into slut-shaming behaviour as they can't see how harmful this crap is to all women. And it doesn't just harm women, because men are taught to consume and dispose of women, that they have to shag around to be a real man, and that if women do the same then they're sluts. It damages us all.

Let's get this clear - who a woman sleeps with, how many people she sleeps with or how often she gets her freak on - does not make her a slut. A woman is no more of a slut in a bikini than she is in head to toe clothing. A woman is most definitely not a slut if you desire her and she doesn't want to have sex with you. There's no such thing as a slut. These are words to try to make people feel less than, and I refuse to let some stick-in-the-mud woman make me feel bad about myself. You shouldn't either. Let's bin words like slut and whore and see them for the crock of shit they are.

Leah xoxo