Asos Curve Beach Maxi Dress In Cheesecloth

Hello lovelies,

I snapped this dress up for £15 in the ASOS Curve sale, knowing how airy cheesecloth is in summer. I love to wear khaki in summer as it suits me once I've picked up a bit of a tan.

It's totally see through, so do bear that in mind, and the V at the front is so deep I'm wearing a vest top underneath to protect my modesty. I'm also wearing another pair of Wingz.

Beach Maxi Dress In Cheesecloth, ASOS Curve
Vest, old Simply Be
Wingz, FatPhrocks
Earrings, Primark
Shoes, old Evans
Bracelet, eBay

Other than hubby's sperm making facilities going into shutdown next week and my poor uncle's cancer battle, life is shitting on us further. Some absolute shit smashed the rear windscreen on our less-than-2-week-old car yesterday. They say when it rains it pours, and they're not wrong.

I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but it's difficult to dredge up optimism for posting right now. Visiting my aunt and uncle on Saturday was one of the most awful things I've ever experienced. He is fading away. I took one look at him in bed and tears sprang from my eyes. I held his hand and rubbed it for about 20 minutes and told him I'm so sorry this is happening to him. He's a bag of bones and my poor aunt is inconsolable. All I could do was hold her hand, rub her back, hug her or let her lean on me for comfort while she cried. We also did a small food shop as she wasn't eating well (and who could blame her?) It's awful. I just want to drop everything and be there. I've been shocked by how draining worrying is. I feel so tired, so God alone knows how my aunt is feeling.

Thankfully she has a lot of help. My mum and step dad are there almost every day, my other aunts and uncles are visiting and she also has visitors from a local hospice every evening (until morning) so she can try to rest. There will be carers coming in every day from now on to help wash and dress him, and he'll also be having day care at a local hospice to make sure his pain is under control and that he eats. They're also waiting for a hospital bed to be delivered so he doesn't have to navigate the stairs any more.

Do me a favour? Next time you see your loved ones (even the ones who you may have a difficult relationship with) give them a hug if you can, and if they ask why, say 'Just because.' Most of us dare not show 'too much' affection to people until it's almost too late. I don't know why we're scared of revealing the softer parts of ourselves until someone is desperately ill, but I feel it's often the case.

Thanks for reading.
xoxo

Things I Love Tuesday

Hiya sweet peas,

I'm not sure if this is going to be a regular thing but I wanted to share some things I've been enjoying on the internet this week.

SOURCE

31 Insanely Clever Remodelling Tips - Vacuum baseboards are a thing?! Where have I been?

18 celebrities you love and facts you didn't know about them. Awww, warm and fuzzy feelings!

This easy foam modelling tutorial. Next time I have a takeaway I might wash out the container and have a go at this.

Gift ideas for poor creative souls. I love this, especially the first design.

If these rooms were all in one house, it'd be the coolest house in the world. Now I want a swimming pool cinema. 

Maybe it's the clothes by Dances With Fat. Ragen brings up a good point - when we look good we credit it to the clothes, but when we feel we look 'bad' we blame it on our bodies. Something to think about!

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo

Love EVERY Body #8 - Skin

Hiya pickles,

I totally forgot to post this yesterday because of all the stuff going on in my personal life. How crap am I, forgetting to do my own challenge?!

I was always pretty lucky with my skin. I didn't have too many problems with spots growing up (in fact I'm sure I had more in my 30s than in my teens) and prior to the drying effects of Fibromyalgia, my skin was really soft.

Nowadays it's drier, particularly on my lower legs, but there are still some areas which are velvety soft, like my boobs and chins. I should moisturise my body more often but I only remember to do it once a week, if that. I drink a lot of water to try to moisturise myself from the inside out, and good oils like olive and coconut are good for your skin too.

I've always been very pale throughout the cold months, but I colour well in the summer effortlessly. I don't seek out the sun by any means, but if I catch the sun walking about I do like it. Normally my face is a hodge podge - I have really pale skin, loads of freckles and high red colouring too, which makes using foundation a pain as I never know which colour to wear to hide it all. In the summer the tan and freckles kind of mask any redness, and I really enjoy getting away with a bit of concealer and nothing else.

I take good care of the skin on my face - I cleanse, tone and moisturise twice a day and hardly ever go to bed with make up on. I'm getting some fierce eye bags now and have noticed a bit of crepiness on the skin along my jawline, but I don't think I look too bad in the face for a 40 year old. My deepest lines are frown lines, because I always frown when I'm thinking. 

I am vain though, and I'm not looking forward to the prospect of jowls and saggy upper eyelids as the years crawl on, by any means. My nan had gorgeous soft skin up until her death at 70 so I hope to take after her.

As time goes on I find I spend less on make up and more on skin care, because having a good base for the make up to go on is essential. 

Of course one of my favourite things to do with my skin is tattoo it. I'm rubbish at saving for tattoos and keep spending all my money on dresses, but I have about 4 more tattoos planned out so far. You can read about my tattoos here.

How do you feel about your skin?

Thanks for reading!

Leah xoxo

Black & grey, like my favourite tattoos

Hiya pickles!

Happy Saturday.

I'm wearing another sale skirt from Simply Be. It was down to £6 and I had a 15% off code so I got this one for £5.10. Not bad at all. I decided to wear my 'suck and tuck' (sucked in and tucked up) long legged knickers from Gok Wan with this dress. I have a slightly smoother silhouette than I did in the post I just linked to. I'm not sure which I prefer. Both natural and smoothed down looks are good, although you can see the outline of my pull-in pants under the skirt today. I'd never have the patience to wear control wear all the time (especially when it's hot!) so I'm sure there'll be lots of me au naturel to come.

Skirt, Simply Be
Top, given to me by Mookie
Belt, ASOS Curve
Necklace, Extreme Largeness
Shoes, Very sale

The bag I'm holding is actually my cousin's make up bag. Leave things at my place and they risk ending up in an outfit post. ;)

Have a good weekend whatever you're up to! I'm going to see my uncle today.

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

My Biggest Regret

Hello dears,

I've been struggling with whether or not to talk about this for a few days now, and have decided I will, even though it's very personal. There's only so long I can avoid spilling out my feelings, so it's time to attack it head on before it festers.

I've mentioned flippantly a couple of times recently about James having a vasectomy. We had the consultation on Monday, and his procedure is in less than 2 weeks.

When he and I met 11 years ago neither of us wanted kids. Then 3 months in I got pregnant despite using 2 forms of birth control and I had my first ectopic pregnancy. It was such a shock - being pregnant at all, losing the baby before I knew it and the horror of being chucked out of hospital 3 days later with a couple of leaflets to 'inform' me. It put me off the thought of having kids. In fact I was terribly scarred by it all and probably should have had therapy, but instead I ate my feelings. 

For many years James and I were happy to be childless. It only started to change in about 2009-10 when I was really late for my period and I thought I might be pregnant. That got us thinking, and we started trying for a baby. 2 days after Christmas 2010 I found out I was pregnant again. It all seemed pretty effortless really. I was on top of the world, and never really entertained the idea of having another ectopic pregnancy. Of course, it was another ectopic pregnancy and I nearly lost my life when my fallopian tube ruptured in hospital after 12 hours of tests and monitoring. Dems the breaks.

It was a horrific ordeal for me - losing a much wanted baby, losing a fallopian tube, losing so much blood and feeling so bloody ill, having a huge scar and a 3 month recovery period, yadda yadda. I was the one going through it, and it's always easier to DO something yourself rather than watch someone else go through it. 

All my family are 90 minutes drive away and I'd been telling James to call my family from the hospital for hours but he didn't get the seriousness of the situation until I passed out from acute blood loss, and then I was immediately rushed into theatre. For most of the time I was in theatre James was on his own while everyone travelled, contemplating a future without me. My family only got there shortly before the operation was over. All this time James was alone with his thoughts and was certain I was going to die. I can't imagine what kind of effect this had on him, but I think it has a direct bearing on his feelings about us having children.

After I started to heal my GP told me how long I had to wait before we could try again, and the hospital ward I had been on told me to come down for a scan as soon as I found out I was pregnant again as early treatment of ectopic pregnancies is so important. We did start trying again, and I was so caught up with that (and our upcoming wedding) that I didn't realise that James's heart wasn't totally in it. Sometimes you want something so bad you don't actually stop and ask if the other person feels the same way, you just assume, and James got carried along in my enthusiasm and thought he'd 'come round' to the idea of parenthood.

One day, in a rare moment of clarity and frustrated at the lack of commitment coming from James I made a statement more than a question: "You're not willing to make any time in your life for a child, are you?!" And he answered me honestly: "No, I'm not." This prompted the most honest conversation we'd had in a long time.


Our friends M & T have committed to a child-free life, and after talking with them we floated the idea of James having a vasectomy. Since James had been able to speak more freely about the child situation, he told me that he doesn't like kids at all and doesn't want kids. Having seen him handle our niece (who is bloody adorable), it shows. He holds a baby like he's holding a hot potato - he can't wait to put it down. He has no paternal urges at all; in fact if something doesn't come with a USB port he's not really interested.

Recently we've been talking about the kid situation again, and because of my age, my health and the high risk of having another ectopic pregnancy (and possibility of stiffing it) we came to the decision that a vasectomy was probably the right move, since it's far easier to sterilise a man than a woman. My head knows it's probably for the best, but my heart tells me something else. 

When we were at the clinic on Monday there was a couple there with a newborn, and the baby was crying a lot. James was probably sitting there thinking 'I'm here because I never want that!' and I was thinking 'I just want to hold him!' It made me realise how poles apart we are, and when at the end of the appointment we were given a date for 2 weeks later it really brought home the finality of me never being a mum. That's why this post is called My Biggest Regret. I will always regret not being maternal earlier, I'll regret having ectopic pregnancies, and I'll regret not making a priority of stating my case re: kids when I first met James. 

But it's not that easy is it? What people want change, and it can change all the time. It has with my feelings about kids. James has even expressed doubts that he's doing the right thing. Whether or not to have kids is probably THE biggest decision anyone will ever make. Although the decision might be right for us now, in 5 years time it might not be, and it'll be too bloody late then. 

I choose the man I love over the hopes of motherhood, knowing in my head it's the right decision for us. But I'm not happy about it. Not at all. You know, my head tells me we can have a rich and full life without kids, and have more disposable income, travel on a whim and look after our parents when they need us, but my heart still sings me a sad song.

Sometimes, just sometimes, life is a bitch.

Hugs to anyone out there doing life tough for any reason. 

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

Outfit post: True Blue

Hiya pickles!

I bought this lovely top in the Evans sale for £12 because I'm bananas for all things blue right now. I wore it with my New Look kimono.

The photos were taken near Battle Abbey. We had to go to Battle for hubby's vasectomy consultation, so I thought it's be rude not to take photos really!

My handbag broke this day. I was walking along and all of a sudden my bag felt lighter, then ping, the strap fell clean off! Bugger.

Kimono, New Look (no longer available on New Look or ASOS.)
Top, Evans
Leggings, Very
Shoes, Primark
Hair flower, Primark
Handbag, old Everything 5 Pounds

I can't get enough of these £3 Primark plimsolls. They're SO comfy. I want them in every colour of the rainbow!

What are your most comfy shoes?

Thanks for reading.
Leah xoxo

EXCLUSIVE Wingz 50% Discount Code

Hello sweet peas!

**THIS DISCOUNT CODE IS NOW NO LONGER VALID**

Many of you expressed an interest in Wingz on my post about the ingenious arm cover the other day. In case you didn't see my original post Wingz are an undergarment with sleeves so you can easily add arm cover to a sleeveless outfit without unnecessary bulk. They're a great way to add versatility to a sleeveless outfit and/or make clothes more work-appropriate without boiling under extra layers. They come in sizes 8-28 and cost £14.99 to £17.99 (before discount.)

I'm thrilled to say the owner of Wingz Michelle Ellis has created an EXCLUSIVE discount code for my readers and I.

It's valid for 10 days from now and you can shop HERE. Just put justlea in the coupon code box on the checkout page.

Here are a few designs I have my eyes on.

HERE

HERE

HERE

Michelle also sells clothing for tall ladies, up to a size 28. I'm not tall (I'm 5ft 5 - and a half!), but this cheesecloth beach dress is right up my alley (you know how much I love beachwear as everyday wear!) and would probably be a glorious ankle length on short ol' me. If you're a tall lass, check out the website, there are lots of lovely designs which make me want to sleep in a grow bag.

Michelle also has a website and support group for Lipoedema called Lipoedema Ladies so if you know someone who has it, please feel free to share the link with them. You can read more about Lipoedema here.

So, what are you waiting for?! Get your Wingz here.

If you're getting some, let me know which ones you choose!

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

Outfit Post: Scarlett and Jo 2 in 1 prom dress

Hello lovelies,

My brother came to visit on Sunday so we went to Rye for the day. I was really ill but I'd asked my brother to visit and didn't want to waste the day sat indoors.

My Evans sale order came the day before, so I wore the Scarlett and Jo dress from it. This is old stock now. It was £60 down to £30 and I bought it for my friend's wedding next month. That's quite good going for a wedding outfit! I won't need to buy anything else at all.

These photos were taken at Rye Harbour.

I love the dress, it made me feel really princessy the second I put it on. It has a thick stretchy material in the top half, a wide elastic waistband which really holds me in, and a full skirt which is lined and has net in it to make it appear fuller. The waistline comes up quite high on me once the fabric has stretched over my boobs, but that's a silhouette which suits me as the narrowest part of my body is just below my boobs anyway.

Where the elastic pulls me in it gives me a nice shape at the waist, but the poofiness of the skirt kind of makes me look more bulky below the waistband, from sideways on at least. I can live with it as the dress makes me feel really special.

My brother and I

Hubby

While we were sitting outside the pub at the harbour, a little rabbit came out for a feed just opposite us.

Lace cardi, old Asda
Dress, Evans (looks to be out of stock now)
Necklace, Superdrug
Hair flower, OWHH Millinery
Leggings, Very
Shoes, Primark

I'm wearing the dress in a 28 and it's true to size. There's bags of room in the skirt, plenty for twirling!

Have you bought any bargains recently?

I'm pleased to say I feel loads better. I think I have some kind of 24 hour virus. 

Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo