Chronic fatigue is....


So, what's it like, having a perma soul-sucker like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Sometimes it's worse than others.

But what does it MEAN though?

  • It's waking up hoping it's early am instead of early pm so I can sleep some more.
  • It's being caught in my dressing gown with bed head so much my postman barely recognises me dressed.
  • It's cherry tomatoes instead of big ones so I don't have to slice anything.
  • It's staring at my yoga mat and thinking 'If only'.
  • It's remembering the days when I did a full day's work, the housework and then MADE FOOD. Shepherd's Pie! Apple crumble! I do not recognise this woman any more. 
  • It's constant infections - throat, chest, UTIs, styes - all little things which bring you down.
  • It's not having showers on some days because I'm too tired to get in and out of the bath safely. (When I'm really tired I lose all coordination).
  • It's doing hair washes and showers on different days sometimes so I can pace myself.
  • It's knowing I need to eat healthy but not having the spoons to prepare healthy food.
  • It's not cooking so I don't have to wash up.
  • It's buying prepared salads at 4x the cost I could make them myself because I don't have the energy.
  • It's eating crap I shouldn't but if I don't eat crap right now I'll barely eat at all.
  • It's looking at my juicer KNOWING it'll make me feel better but not being able to face the preparation first or the cleaning afterwards.
But there are plus sides too.

  • It's actually being able to spend all of Christmas and other such times with my family after 20 years of not doing so working in retail/doing airport work.
  • It's appreciating the little things - a heartfelt hug when my husband comes home from work, a sunset, the seagulls hollering outside the window. 
  • It's empathising with other people who are going through crap, who often look fine and are being misunderstood too.
  • It's being able to be alone for most of the day, which I really need to enable me to cope with life. 
  • It's being indoors much of the time so I miss the worst of the weather, so less wrinkles for me, hehe.
  • It was a wake up call. If I'd carried on working and playing the way I was before Fibromyalgia & CFS came along, I doubt I would've seen 40.
  • It's a chance to slow down and realise what really matters - friends, family, James.
  • It's been a chance to really get to know myself, and know I'm NOT a quitter. I always used to think I was a quitter. I don't know why, because I've endured some pretty heinous crap over the years. Maybe I just needed to learn to stop beating myself up 24/7.
  • I learned about the healing being in nature and with animals brings me. 
If you have chronic illness, share a couple of the pluses and negatives in the comments (if you have the spoons).

Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo

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