It's OK not to be OK at Christmas

This is a repost from this time last year, but it's something I think is worth a repeat. 

I see bloggers being super-organised, doing gift guides and Christmas outfit posts and in contrast I barely have the mojo to get up each day. Rather than beating myself up about my lack of productivity I'm being kind to myself. This time of year is difficult for me and I know I'm not alone.

Before I was ill I LOVED Christmas. I loved buying gifts, wrapping them nicely and writing out my cards. Now every year Christmas rolls around I have less and less fortitude to deal with it. My Christmas trees aren't up, I haven't wrapped a single thing and I'm more stressed about Christmas than I am excited. My husband is a Christmas day baby and that ruined Christmas and his birthday for him so he's a total grump about the whole thing. I have to pull money out of my arse to pay for Christmas. From next year I'm only buying for the kids and instead of spending money on the adults, I'm hoping we'll go for a nice meal together and make memories instead of landfill. My shopping is almost done, I'm just waiting for some of it to arrive, and then I can relax. I look forward to that.

So here's last years' post.

It's totally OK to be not ready for the 'season of goodwill'. It's totally fine to be 'Oh hell no' rather than 'Ho ho ho!' It's perfectly acceptable to see Christmas day out under a haze of G&T if that's what it takes for you to survive. It's all OK. It's OK to be you, to be fragile and complicated and to not be able to turn on the happiness like a tap when the time of year demands it.

I think a lot of the sadness that comes about at Christmas time is because we beat ourselves up for not being as happy as everyone else, but you know what? A lot of people are faking it. There are more people out there struggling than you might realise, so please don't beat yourself up if you're immune to the charms of Elf and Love Actually and Christmas carols make you want to punch someone in the face.

I'm always open about my feelings (I have emotional diarrhoea) and since I've been sharing how NOT ready I am for Christmas, a lot of other people have too. So please, if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell someone, or lots of people, and I bet at least one person will say 'Thank God it's not just me!' If you're not feeling the joy of Christmas you're not alone, so please don't feel like you are.

If there are feelings which don't get better after sharing with someone, or if there's no one to talk to, please don't suffer alone. Here's a list of UK helplines, thoughtfully compiled by Sian and posted here with permission.

Mental Health:

0300 123 3393

08457 90 90 90

Hearing Voices Network
0114 271 8210

0845 767 8000

Papyrus: Preventing young suicide
0800 068 4141

Depression alliance

National Self Harm Network
0800 622 6000

01708 765200
(Confidential emotional support for Children, Young People and Adults. Also keeps details of agencies, support groups and counsellors throughout the UK)


National Alcohol Hotline
0800 917 8282

NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics)
0800 358 3456

Talk To Frank (Drug information & advice) (ENGLAND)
0800 77 66 00

Know The Score (Drug information & advice) (SCOTLAND)
0800 587 587 9

Dan 24/7 (Drug information & advice) (WALES)
0808 808 2234
Or text DAN to: 81066

Addiction NI (Drug information & advice) (Northern Ireland)
02890 664434


08000 50 20 20

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
0207 837 7324


0800 1111

Age UK Advice Line
0800 169 6565

The Silver Line (Free information, friendship and advice to older people.)
0800 4 70 80 90


0808 2000 247

Eating Disorders:

Beat Eating Disorders
Helpline: 0845 634 1414
Youthline: 0845 634 7650

Housing and Homelessness:

0808 800 4444



Cruse Bereavement Care

Child Death Helpline
0800 282 986

Miscarriage Association

Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Thanks for reading, and hugs from me to you if you're feeling crappy in the run up to Christmas. If you know of any more helplines or want to add helplines for your country in the comments, please do. And know you're not alone.

Leah xoxo

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