I see bloggers being super-organised, doing gift guides and Christmas outfit posts and in contrast I barely have the mojo to get up each day. Rather than beating myself up about my lack of productivity I'm being kind to myself. This time of year is difficult for me and I know I'm not alone.
Before I was ill I LOVED Christmas. I loved buying gifts, wrapping them nicely and writing out my cards. Now every year Christmas rolls around I have less and less fortitude to deal with it. My Christmas trees aren't up, I haven't wrapped a single thing and I'm more stressed about Christmas than I am excited. My husband is a Christmas day baby and that ruined Christmas and his birthday for him so he's a total grump about the whole thing. I have to pull money out of my arse to pay for Christmas. From next year I'm only buying for the kids and instead of spending money on the adults, I'm hoping we'll go for a nice meal together and make memories instead of landfill. My shopping is almost done, I'm just waiting for some of it to arrive, and then I can relax. I look forward to that.
So here's last years' post.
It's totally OK to be not ready for the 'season of goodwill'. It's totally fine to be 'Oh hell no' rather than 'Ho ho ho!' It's perfectly acceptable to see Christmas day out under a haze of G&T if that's what it takes for you to survive. It's all OK. It's OK to be you, to be fragile and complicated and to not be able to turn on the happiness like a tap when the time of year demands it.
I think a lot of the sadness that comes about at Christmas time is because we beat ourselves up for not being as happy as everyone else, but you know what? A lot of people are faking it. There are more people out there struggling than you might realise, so please don't beat yourself up if you're immune to the charms of Elf and Love Actually and Christmas carols make you want to punch someone in the face.
I'm always open about my feelings (I have emotional diarrhoea) and since I've been sharing how NOT ready I am for Christmas, a lot of other people have too. So please, if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell someone, or lots of people, and I bet at least one person will say 'Thank God it's not just me!' If you're not feeling the joy of Christmas you're not alone, so please don't feel like you are.
If there are feelings which don't get better after sharing with someone, or if there's no one to talk to, please don't suffer alone. Here's a list of UK helplines, thoughtfully compiled by Sian and posted here with permission.
Mental Health:
MIND
www.mind.org.uk
0300 123 3393
Samaritans
www.samaritans.org
08457 90 90 90
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Hearing Voices Network
www.hearing-voices.org
0114 271 8210
SANELine
www.sane.org.uk
0845 767 8000
Papyrus: Preventing young suicide
www.papyrus-uk.org
0800 068 4141
Depression alliance
www.depressionalliance.org
National Self Harm Network
www.nshn.co.uk
0800 622 6000
SupportLine
http://www.supportline.org.uk/
01708 765200
info@supportline.org.uk
(Confidential emotional support for Children, Young People and Adults. Also keeps details of agencies, support groups and counsellors throughout the UK)
Addiction:
National Alcohol Hotline
http://www.drinksmarter.org/drinkline
0800 917 8282
NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics)
http://www.nacoa.org.uk/
0800 358 3456
Talk To Frank (Drug information & advice) (ENGLAND)
http://www.talktofrank.com/
0800 77 66 00
Know The Score (Drug information & advice) (SCOTLAND)
http://knowthescore.info/
0800 587 587 9
Dan 24/7 (Drug information & advice) (WALES)
http://www.dan247.org.uk/
0808 808 2234
Or text DAN to: 81066
Addiction NI (Drug information & advice) (Northern Ireland)
http://addictionni.com/
02890 664434
LGBTQIA:
Stonewall
www.stonewall.org.uk
08000 50 20 20
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
https://helplines.org/helplines/london-lesbian-and-gay-switchboard-llgs/
0207 837 7324
Age:
Childline
www.childline.org.uk
0800 1111
Age UK Advice Line
www.ageuk.org.uk
0800 169 6565
The Silver Line (Free information, friendship and advice to older people.)
http://www.thesilverline.org.uk/
0800 4 70 80 90
Abuse:
Refuge
www.refuge.org.uk
0808 2000 247
Eating Disorders:
Beat Eating Disorders
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/
Helpline: 0845 634 1414
Youthline: 0845 634 7650
Housing and Homelessness:
Shelter
www.shelter.org.uk
0808 800 4444
Crisis
http://www.crisis.org.uk/
Bereavement:
Cruse Bereavement Care
www.cruse.org.uk/
Child Death Helpline
http://www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk
0800 282 986
Miscarriage Association
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
http://www.ectopic.org.uk/
Thanks for reading, and hugs from me to you if you're feeling crappy in the run up to Christmas. If you know of any more helplines or want to add helplines for your country in the comments, please do. And know you're not alone.
Hugs,
Leah xoxo
No comments