FYFI (For Your Fucking Information)

Hello dears,

There are many trolls doing the rounds on social networking in Fatsville this week. Mama's gonna have a rant about people who are deliberately sour to others on the internet, thus onwards referred to as trolls, or other rude words. Go get a gin and some earplugs. P.S. This post is heavy on the caps lock. My bad. This is aimed at them, not your, kind readers.

Hello people fucknuts,

For your fucking information: you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Being nice is so much better than being hateful but this is something which doesn't apply to certain corners of the internet. There are a number of people (in the loosest sense possible, I would assume) who seem to stalk the internet waiting for a person to be caught being all FAT in front of a camera, then locate and prime their shitty gene, crack their hairy knuckles and swot up on the insult and cliche dictionary before letting loose with some bile.

I get it, I get it. It's 5 weeks between paydays for most people and it's still so far away, we're all skint, and some of us are a bit fatter than we were on, ooh, Christmas Eve. The whole damn world is obsessed with dieting right now and we're all a bit grouchy. On top of that the weather's shit, the news is all doom and gloom, oh and did I mention everyone's skint?

Now you bilious keyboard warriors need something to do to pass the time till February, when the hopes of a Valentines Day bunk up and a few Cadbury's creme eggs will tide you over alongside a few daffodils sprouting and a bit of sunshine. What to do, what to do? Can't kick kittens any more, got told off by the RSPCA. Oh yes, let's hang out on Facebook pages and wait until they put a plus size blogger's photo up without asking or telling them.

Let's imagine a troll's day.

TROLLSDAY, JAN 2014

Wake up, shave troll toes. Could donate toe hair to make wigs for 14 bald people, such is daily regrowth, but no, am here to spread malice on this earth only.

Eat breakfast, a couple of small children.

Log on to the Trollternet. Scratch hairy arse. Sniff. Approve.

Limber up sausagey troll fingers. Whose day to ruin today? So many choices. Oh, so many fat people I could be horrible to. I don't know where to start! Mummy!

I know, let's pick on one who looks a bit confident. We can't have that, can we my precious? (Did I just liken trolls to Gollum? Well he lived in a cave too, so it seems fitting.) Oh, this one is wearing something a fat person shouldn't! They're not in a shapeless billowing black creation. How DARE they. How dare they LIKE themselves? We can't have this. Imagine the disorder if fat people actually start LIKING themselves. Sound the FATTY KLAXON! HIDE ALL THE CAKES!

I know, let's not make any comment on the CLOTHES they're wearing at all. I mean, it's not like these websites put photos up so people can look at and buy clothes, is it?! Don't be stupid! They do it for my entertainment! Right, let's tell this one she's a minger, infer she smells and tell her her very existence is the cause of the OMFG OBESITY EPI.....oh fuck, we trolls never were much good at spelling, grammar and all that other good stuff which help you get jobs.....EPI ...DEMMIK. There, that'll do. They'll still know they're fat, which is my job. I mean, they can't KNOW they're fat can they, or else they'd be hiding down a deep hole, like me, surely?

It's my job to tell people they look shit in clothes, so they take a long hard look in the mirror and cry, just like I do when I look at myself. It doesn't matter if they look great, I can't tell them that can I? I mean, they're all jumped up as it is, daring to stand in front of a camera. Just because they can stand in front of one without cracking the lens, not like me. It's not fair and everyone else has to pay for it! Everyone has to feel as shit about themselves as I do. C'mon, after all, the whole world revolves around me, you know? YOU KNOW?!

It's freedom of speech, innit? People fought wars and died so I could be an arsehole to people I don't know on the internet. I bet if my grandad wasn't a troll and had fought in a war he'd be proud of me. Look how far we've come. I mean years ago we used to fight wars to protect people and now we start wars on the internet.

So yeah fatty, don't go around being all happy with your friends and family who love you and think you're awesome just as you are. You have to be as miserable as me, covered in mud up to my troll monobrow, and all alone. It's not my fault I have a hideous personality and no one loves me. Nothing is my fault. I go around blaming everybody else for everything to make me feel better. Like Homer Simpson says, excuse me for having enormous flaws I don't work on! It's far easier for me to find fault in other people than it is look at myself. I mean, I'm such a knobflap making other people miserable gives me the only pleasure I have in life.

I think I'm done for the day. I might have made a few people cry. *proud face* Oh, I'm so tired after riling up so many people, I think I might snack on a few more small children and rest up for tomorrow's fat-baiting.

--------

Hi, it's me, Leah. I'm back again, I've exorcised that troll demon. Bleeurgh. Nasty breath. Jeez, get some Listerine, trolls.

Wait, what? I've just been rude about trolls? Hurt your troll feelings? OH NO. Imagine how horrible it must be for people who have that happen to them ALL THE DAMN TIME. Just for daring to exist.

"IT'S JUST THE INTERNET." 
"IT'S JUST MY OPINION."
"I'M JUST BEING HONEST."
"I'M EXERCISING FREEDOM OF SPEECH."
"DON'T GET WOUND UP."

Isn't that the kind of thing you say if someone dares answer you back?! Sorry, suck it! This shit goes both ways.

We do NOT have to be nice to you to prove we're 'better' people than you. You're actually better than you, the YOU you're being when you're a grade A cuntosaurus on the internet. When you look back on your greatest moments on your death bed do you think being a catty arsehole is going to be one of them?! Do you think your parents are proud of the person you are when you're going out of your way to spoil someone else's day?! THINK BEFORE YOU TYPE. TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOURSELF. GROW UP. Don't think just because you're too uptight to wear tight, bangin' clothes fat people shouldn't either. We OWN that shit. And if you're a fat woman on the internet going round telling other fat women what they should and shouldn't wear, you could do a lot worse than read some of the blogs of the women you're bitching about. You might learn something, like how to love yourself, and then others.

Stop thinking you rule the world, you pocket despots.

Thanks for reading. Now pass me the gin.

Some thoughts after the first Love EVERY Body assignment

Hi all.

I wanted to say a few words about the first Love EVERY Body assignment which we all did almost 2 weeks ago now.

I know some of you found it difficult and did it anyway - thank you. I know some of you haven't done it because it brought up some issues and you're working through them - thank you for trying. One person has pulled out - I'm sorry it put you in an uncomfortable place and I totally understand your reasons for doing so.

As I say in the video, positivity (pos-ee-ev-eety) is no replacement for counselling, or any other kind of proper support. If doing the first post (or any more of them) makes you uncomfortable or triggering, you are 100% right and welcome to back out or skip that month's assignment. The very last thing I want to do is for anyone to feel worse about themselves. Maybe talking about all our body issues in the first assignment was over optimistic. Don't feel guilty for not doing your post in that case, please. Our issues take a long time to build up and you're not in the wrong for feeling that's too difficult to address. After doing CBT I'm used to facing my fears head on (the 'rip the plaster off quick' approach, as I like to call it) but that's not going to work for everyone. If you want to head straight on into the 2nd exercise and leave the first one that's absolutely fine and I guarantee you'll have the total support of the rest of us LEB folk. 

For those of you who did take part and/or who commented on lots of other people's posts, thank you so much. I asked for everyone participating to comment on 3 random posts and offer support and many of you went way, way above that number. A special thanks to Roxanne who commented on every single post and has been chief cheerleader for everyone so far. I was like a proud mama reading through all the comments and seeing how people who didn't know each other were offering one another support. It was really heartening and is just what I'm trying to create - a gorgeous community of people who want to lift each other up. Thanks to all my lovely readers for commenting on my post too. I know it was a long read, and every who got through it deserves a medal.

Our next assignment is due on Sunday January 5th and we're going to be talking about everything above the neck which we like, and perhaps the things we don't like too since sometimes we need to confront things to get past them. There's a lot of scope - hair, facial features, smile, teeth, complexion, freckles, dimples, scars, beauty spots, piercings, eyebrows. If you're stuck for praise about your face and hair, how about the favourite aspect of your personality? Since your cranium contains that grey thing that makes us all us, I think we'll be OK to include all the good stuff our brains create. Feel free to take photos, write a poem, draw or anything else that helps you celebrate your best bits above the neck.

About the video - it was handheld, I chop most of my head off in some of it, and I look as rough as a porcupine's back end, but on the plus side my tits look enorm. Hahaha. Oh, and it's really quiet too. Bum. Oh, and I never stop fiddling with my hair either. Awkward girl is awkward.


Thanks so much for reading!

Quite possibly an unpopular opinion

Hiya.

I'm sitting down to write a post which may be controversial, and it makes me uneasy.

I hate conflict as I don't have the spoons (chronic illness-speak for not having energy) to deal with it. Sometimes you have to step aside from that and say your piece anyway. Having chronic illness has made a mouse out of a previously opinionated woman, but once in a while I'm brave enough to stick my head above the parapet. I'll risk getting into a shit storm I have little energy to deal with if it creates a discussion.

I feel size privilege exists in the plus size world, as well as everywhere else, but lord knows how I'm going to find the words to express this without seeming like a negative Nelly. I feel I have a responsibility to talk about inequality - specific to size - even at the risk of being seen as a drag. I don't feel negative, or sad, and I'm not having a pity party. I don't hate people smaller than me, and I'm not jealous. I've been all kinds of sizes and they're all good. I do however feel pissed off and angry with the system because I want things to change and I don't know if it'll ever happen, or how we get there.

TRIGGER WARNING - within this post I briefly wonder what would change if I were to lose weight. I have no intention of dieting, but I don't want any mention of it to trigger anyone with an E.D. so please be warned.

Being in a fat body is undoubtedly political. Whether we like it or not daring to leave the house in a fat body can be like entering hostile territory. Our bodies elicit unwanted comments because we dare to exist. We are the butt of jokes, are often treated with no respect in healthcare settings and can be be passed over for jobs we're perfect for because of the size of our bodies. At the higher end of the fat spectrum I'd go as far as to borrow a Skunk Anansie song title and say Yes, it's fucking political.

Let me say LOUD AND CLEAR this isn't a snipe at anyone in a smaller body at ALL. I'm not angry at individuals because anyone deemed fat by society is already discriminated against in so many ways. I'm angry at the system which dictates even in the plus size world, being fatter is a disadvantage. I'm a size 26-28 and I sometimes feel like an spare part. I feel like if I were to diet and get myself down to say a size 20/22/24 my world would suddenly get bigger. I also feel like if I keep my mouth shut and don't bring politics into it, the same will apply. Oh well. *shrugs*

I honestly feel like I'd be a more palatable package in a smaller body. Maybe this is a neurosis, but there are signs it's not all in my head...

Although many plus size retailers do clothes up to a size 32, a great number of companies cut off at a 26. Even places like Yours Clothing and Evans stock ranges which go no further than a size 26. What message is that supposed to send, exactly? 'Hey fatties, you can buy a hideous thing your granny might want to buy, but that sexy dress you're after? We don't think anyone above a size 26 should be spotted in it.' Err, cheers. Constantly larger fats are reminded we are less palatable than our less zaftig counterparts.

For the most part even to companies who DO stock clothes up to a 32, us larger-of-the-large people are like a freak show, only wheeled out on special occasions. We are the 'Oh God, I don't want to get THAT fat!' people. We are the what if-s, the what happens when it goes wrong-s, the slide into otherness. We have spare chins and may not have the ultimate, oft-preferred fat weapon - an hourglass figure. Gasp! Even in a place where it's not supposed to be about the size of our bodies, it's always about the size of our bodies.

I want to see the size 28/30/32 blogger models. I want to see love for all bodies from the companies who are purporting to support them. I don't want to be on the fringes of 'acceptable' fatness. I don't want to face the unspoken truth - that a certain level of fatness is attractive, and then there's a cut off point after which some exist solely as a warning to others. I don't say this out of divisiveness. I don't want to drive a wedge between the super-fats, the middlies and the barely-fats. I want us to come together and challenge this body fascism where even amongst fellow fat people, it's still possible to feel like an outcast.

No matter what happens, I'm never going to stop putting myself out there. The emails I get from my readers thanking me for doing what I do prove to me the need to put my fat body out there for them, if not myself.

I simply wish there was a bit more representation for people like me, on the verge between 'acceptable-level-of-fat' and 'Oh-mah-gawd-death-fat.'

What are your thoughts?

Thanks for reading.

Body Confidence Week

Hi.

Last week a bunch of entitled men made a thing on Twitter called Fat Shaming Week (some women also joined in) whereby they made loads of disgusting remarks about fat people, and if challenged, they would send an individual a bunch of abuse. You can read about what happened to Vicky here.

(But note, do not research the website she mentioned unless you are strong enough to deal with unchallenged misogyny and rampant fat hatred. I haven't looked myself because I'm not feeling too great mentally right now.)

Anyway, that's as much credence as I want to give those people, because I don't wish to give hateful people any time out of my day.

In response to this week of 'shaming' others for their body, Body Confidence Week has arisen (post about fat shaming week and the idea of Body Confidence Week here but warning again, there are examples of fat hatred within the post.) Quite a few people in the fat community have written about it, far more eloquently than I'm about to, perhaps, but I'd still like to have my say.

I'd like you to imagine your body - and all other bodies - exist in a vacuum in which there's no morality attached to that body - it just is. There are no good nor bad bodies - bodies just exist. In this state of just being, a body does tasks, thousands and thousands of them, both consciously and of its own accord, and for the most part it does them well. If we are able bodied and have all our limbs in place we already have great privilege that many in the world do not have, and our bodies are great. If our body isn't sick or diseased we also have great privilege, and our bodies are great, because they do a series of amazing things. If our bodies are sick and disabled (like mine) or they are missing limbs or in any other way thought of as being 'incomplete' by the outside world they are still great, because there are still multitudes of things going on in our bodies which still work. Bodies - in their own right - are amazing. They help us feel, see, hear, touch and be touched, smell, breathe, eat, go places, meet people, have fun, birth children, have sex, laugh, cry, and a million other things. 

How do we bring morality into something so wondrous?
Perhaps the question should be how dare we bring morality into something so wondrous?

All those things I've mentioned above can be done to some respect in every body, depending on our abilities and disabilities. Now you have in mind what complex and beautiful processes every body undertakes, let's remind ourselves that people naturally come in all shapes, heights, sizes and colours. NATURALLY. There is no one size fits all in humanity. Some people are naturally small and slight, like Japanese people, for example. Some people are naturally tall and broad, like Germans or Swedes. Do you realise how ridiculous it would be if we policed one another's bodies on the subject of height and added morality into it? What if suddenly short people were called lazy, smelly and unfit? Wouldn't that be grossly unfair and more to the point, ridiculous? We will all, I'm sure, accept that people come in all kinds of heights and that's perfectly natural and accepted.

Why then is it so hard to understand and accept that some people naturally carry more adipose tissue than others? Obviously you can't go on a height diet, so those two examples don't strictly correlate. I'm using it as an example to show how ridiculous it is that we police people for one NATURAL physical characteristic, but not another.

You can't tell from looking at someone what they eat, or how much, or how much exercise they do. You can't tell if they got to be that way because of endocrine or thyroid dysfunction, illness or disability, eating disorder, or if they've been fat all their lives and have a family who have been fat all their lives because that's the way they're built. You can't tell whether a person is 'good' or 'bad' by looking at their body and moreover you have no right to try. You can't tell by looking whether a person is as fit as a flea, or whose health is endangered, and quite frankly, if you do wonder such things, shouldn't you get a life? Haven't you got anything more productive to do with your time?

You can't just say 'Calories in, calories out' because that is bullshit. What works for one person won't work for another, and this is where a lot of morally outraged slim people go wrong. Just because what they do works for them, they expect it to for everyone else and it doesn't work like that. Our physiology is extraordinarily complicated and we are not all the same. The same work doesn't mean the same results, and that's before we even consider that some people are not physically able to do the 'work' to lose weight. Moreover, no one has an obligation to be a certain weight or size, nor does anyone 'owe' society their good health. We are each in control of our own lives, and our own health, and we live with the consequences of our actions, as adults. We don't owe it to anyone to be sexually attractive for their benefit. It's somehow expected of us, especially as women, and it's bollocks.

Some reading, dear readers?

Here the 'fat is unhealthy' myth is debunked.
Here for size acceptance in humourous graphics
Here for smart answers to stupid questions
Here for how to handle haters

Basically Ragen is awesome and if you're not already following her blog, you need to be. If you're fat,  I guarantee she'll make you feel better about yourself, even if you already feel magnificent.

OK. Let me tell you some of the reasons why I love myself.

I have the love of a good man who loves me for me and my body. My friends and family love me for me. My body, this thing most of the world sees as wrong, has enabled me to live 39 years on this earth and do some beautiful things, some questionable things and some oh-my-God-girl-what-were-you-thinking?! things. It is more than a home for my soul. We've been through some tough shit, my body and I. In it I have conceived two babies, who both took a wrong turn admittedly, but when the last one camped out in my fallopian tube (which was already scarred from the previous ectopic pregnancy) and it burst and I nearly died.....well, I didn't. I recovered. I was amazed at how much shit was thrown at me and I survived. In many ways it seems like I'm under siege with the Fibromyalgia and CFS/ME, but I survive. I used to see my body as the enemy putting me through these things, but now I see it that we're going through this shit together, body and soul. I refuse to be broken down to my parts and separated from this body which society deems as worthless. I AM NOT WORTHLESS AND NEITHER ARE YOU. I refuse to be judged on my shell when what's inside is worth so, so much more, and I pity those who can't see past the size of my arse (which I happen to love) to the beauty that lays within. There's beauty that lays inside and outside all of us, and many can't see it, blinkered as they are. They're to be pitied. They're missing out.

I don't love myself DESPITE my body. I love myself as a whole. I love myself in defiance to those who don't. I love myself.

Do you?

If the answer is no, how can I help you do that? Because let me tell you, once you do, you're fucking unstoppable. Happiness is there, and it means standing up to those who expect you to hate yourself. You don't have to change A SINGLE THING about yourself, only your attitude toward yourself. When enough of us do that, a change will come. They say obesity is on the rise. That means we're going to be the majority soon. Do we speak up for ourselves now and ongoing, or allow society to continue to ostracise us? Do we carry out acts of fat activism*, or hide away in the shadows?

Tell me - if no one else hated your body - would you hate it too? If no one had judgements about different sizes of body, would you? Or do you think that if it weren't expected of you to be ashamed of yourself that you'd hold your head up high?

How do YOU feel about your body? (This goes out to people of all sizes.)


*Fat activism as be as simple as fatting it up in public - being visible, wearing all the colours, holding your head high. Or writing blogs, or sharing your fat outfits far and wide. If you don't have your own blog or aren't comfortable putting photos of yourself on your blog, Tumblr is a great way to start, even if you only watch from the sidelines at first. The body positive community there (and I mean positivity for ALL bodies - fat, thin, disabled, black, white, brown, trans*) is amazing. Fat activism can be as simple as trying to re-educate family and friends when they make disparaging comments about their own bodies, your body, anyone else's body. Fat activism can be reading well so you can point people to articles which may change their narrow viewpoints. Fat activism can mean expecting to be treated with respect in a healthcare environment and complaining when you are not afforded that basic human decency. Fat activism is in not hating slim or athletic bodies, but acknowledging we are all different and that is amazing.

Thanks for reading, and as ever I want to know your thoughts. This is a very emotive subject, and I hope we're all here from a place of love. I will delete shitty fat-shaming comments.

The looks, the stares - I don't care

Hello you!

Happy weekend. I hope whatever you're doing you'll have a great one!

I live in a bubble protected from real life for the most part due to Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which are a bar to me working. I don't go out very often (friendships and my social life have dwindled away in recent years along with my mobility) so I mostly leave the house with my hubby or any guests we might have staying with us at the time. I'm lucky to live in a town where there's a big alternative and arty community so a fat girl walking around doesn't really cause that much of a stir in the grand scheme of things. On the rare occasion I bumble off into town alone I can usually do so without feeling like I have 3 heads. It's pretty cool.

However it's not like this everywhere.

On my recent holiday to Dorset I was the recipient of dozens of incredulous looks and long, violating stares each day which made me feel like I needed to go home and have a long scrub in the bath. I'd go as far as to say that some of the starers were so slack jawed they looked like the wind had changed on them. I was like Moses parting the red sea everywhere I walked but instead of water on both sides it was idiots! I have to say I'm not shy about showing up starers for the ill-mannered eejits they are.

At the start of the week I was getting annoyed by the constant gawping, but by the end of it I was so over caring. I had a major breakthrough.

So what if people stare? I'm a big, fat, glamorous woman with a filthy cackle and (sometimes) a filthy mouth. I have no qualms about tucking into a big fat dinner and enjoying the hell out of it in public, especially if it pisses off some morally outraged troglodyte. I will wear loud colours, bold prints and tight clothing without a thought. I am a spectacle to behold for all the right reasons and I will stare idiots the fuck down if they think gawping at me for any length of time is going to intimidate or shame me.

Let them stare.

You know what, I'm a big woman. I take up space. After this holiday I have no qualms about needing sturdy armless chairs or comfy seats when I go out. My body is this size and that is what I need. I will endeavour to make sure I will be in comfort when I go out (scouting out places with wide or armless chairs, dismissing environments where they have flimsy chairs, fixed seating or tiny booths, etc.) but it's not always possible. We were having lunch one day last week in a small pub which had too many tables and chairs crammed into the space available. Hubby and I got up to play a quiz machine and some OAP girls on a day out sat at the table behind us while we were gone, which meant there was no room for me to get back into my seat (in fact even hubby would've struggled to get back in there as the gap between their seats and ours was so small.) We went and sat down at another table. No fucks given. Up until recently that situation would've made me burn red with shame but now, no. Hell no.

The pub wasn't set up to accommodate big bodies - is that my fault? No. A very tall person would've had just as much trouble in that situation, as would someone in a wheelchair. Would we blame them for their circumstances and their needs because of that? Of course not! (I'm not comparing fat bodies to disabled bodies but I am trying to illustrate how one type of non-normative body is considered 'our fault' and others aren't.) If a shop is so crammed full of stuff that the force field surrounding my arse knocks product off the shelves (Claire's Accessories, I'm giving you side eyes) is that my fault? No, and I can choose not to go into places which make me feel so unwelcome. So FU Claire's and every other place where there's no consideration for ALL their customers. If your profit margin dictates your establishment is hell to visit, I think I'll give it a miss. I think you have to be a ninja to come out of Claire's without knocking at least a few things off, but in my case it looks like the aftermath of a burglary. ;)

There's a pub on the seafront in town. It used to be nice and now it's gone to shit, but that's another story. They got these new chairs in there, cheap fake leather things. The first time I sat down on one of them, my arse would've gone right through if my hips had fit through the frame. I was beating myself up about this chair experience for a good year until last week when my skinny mate (that'll be you Dan) and my hubby both nearly did the same thing when they sat down. It wasn't my fat body which was wrong for the chairs. They have no bottom to them. There's a frame, legs and some thin padding but no SEAT in these frigging chairs. Have you ever heard of anything so stupid?! Your arse literally dangles over padding and thin air. That place is not focussed on their customers.

I was in Store 21 once, another store which piles the goods up closely so only a waif can pass between the rails. I had to unhook a lady in a motorised wheelchair from an entire mobile display as there was literally a foot wide gap between displays and she'd hooked the thing accidentally and was dragging it along with her. Was it her fault? No, no and thrice no. I made a joke about not being able to navigate the aisles either then freed her up so she could continue battling through the aisles. Ridiculous.

Perhaps when we consider how many places aren't catered to ALL OF US we'll realise we're not the problem. They are.

Don't be afraid to take up space, to be looked at, to have needs which will make your experiences more comfortable. Avoid places that don't cater to you or that make you feel like you don't belong. Don't be ashamed to advocate for yourself - either by boycotting places which make you feel unwelcome, by writing letters/emails asking for your needs to be met in future, or by voting with your money and going to the places who do already cater to your needs (and those of your friends/family with non-normative bodies.)

People - of all sizes - next time you go out to eat, drink or shop, here's a little homework for you. Cast a critical eye around. Does the venue cater for everyone? Is there wheelchair access? Is there ample room for all kinds of bodies to get around and be comfortable? Is there room for people with buggies/pushchairs to be there? Are there comfortable seats for fat or disabled people to relax in? Are there trip hazards or objects which will impede the path of a wheelchair or buggy? Is the venue excluding a great swathe of the population by making its environs as harsh and uninviting as possible? Whose 'fault' is that if the venue is unfriendly - the venue's, or the person in the non-normative body?

Hopefully that's food for thought, pardon the pun.

Go out, claim your space, and if you get stared at, own it. Life's a catwalk baby. WERK!

What do you think? Am I just pissing into the wind or do I have something here? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

Great things about being fat

Hello cockles!

It's Monday. Eeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrggggggghhhh. Here's something a little lighthearted to ease you into your week.

All you ever hear in the news is how bad for you being fat is, but rarely does anyone mention the bonuses.

1. More room for tattoos. YAY!

It's a no brainer, right?! I love tattoos and my personal preference is for bodies who tell their stories with pretty pictures and quotes on their skin. We have more 'material' to tell our story with, which is one hell of an advantage.

2. Hugging a fat person is like hugging heaven. Hugs are always good but hugging a fat person is like hugging a feather filled quilt with a squidgy marshmallow topping. I'm often told I give awesome hugs. Of course! I feel awesome to touch!

3. If you're a cat or dog person, you likely have a bit more surface area for them to get comfy on. Moar cats! Moar dogs! What's not to love with those cuties vying for the comfiest spot in our laps?

4. Kids will love to clamber on you. My niece never sits willingly on the sofa when she can make herself comfy on my well-upholstered knee.

5. We are quite often warm, so we make excellent heaters in bed or on the sofa on chilly evenings.

6. So I'm told, getting on down with a fat person is a sensory overload of squishy delights. Like the cheeky saying goes, we're built for comfort!

Can you think of any more advantages? Let 'em rip in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

FAT-TI-TUDE! BODY IMAGE! Repost by request.

Hello loves,

An awesome new follower of mine who is my long long sista from another mister Chelle asked for this to be reposted as she was the only person who commented on it and she thought it was bomb-diggity, or words to that effect. (I totally lied about the 'bomb-diggity' bit, I've just been waiting to say that my whole life.) You should totally check her blog out. I think I cracked a rib laughing so hard today. DO IT!

Onto my post, from December last year.

----------------------------------------

I want to say something about body image. I'm not 100% happy with what I see in the mirror. Is any woman? I'm fat, I have cellulite, my nose is too long and witchy in profile and I have a couple of extra chins. The easiest thing in the world would be to hate myself, especially as the world is so misogynistic and far too often women are told (through messages in the media) that we're of little or no worth unless we're young, pretty and fuckable. To hell with that. I won't let anyone dictate my worth, and neither should you. Whatever you look like, you're worthy of love, respect and all other good things.

These magazine articles where women are praised for losing 10 pounds as if they've given birth to the next Jesus also bring the hammer down on any celebrity not doing whatever it takes to be popular and fit in with this bullshit sexist male-dominated perspective. That's not to say it isn't also perpetuated by women who believe all women OWE it to society to be considered attractive, but I believe it's ultimately a symptom of patriarchy that has filtered down. Take Lauren Goodyer for instance, she of The Only Way Is Essex fame. Virtually every day there's an article in the Daily Mail thinly veiled about how hideous she looks - complete with virtually up-skirt photos to catch the tiny bit of cellulite on the back of her legs. The message is there, yet unspoken: Look at this woman who dares to be over a size 6. See how worthless she is? Then she'll diet and they'll print a photo of her looking slimmer, and they're suddenly full of praise for her. So the message is only is she worthwhile as a human being if she looks thin and attractive. Through these and other messages we are constantly being told being thin at all costs is the best thing any woman could ever hope to achieve. If I was a mum to a teenage girl right now I'd be shitting myself. These messages have always been there, but now with the internet so accessible they're everywhere you look, and it's so easy to get sucked in if you're not really strong.

Luckily for me I had an experience when I was 17 which made me wise me up to this kind of bullshit. I was a fat baby, a fat toddler, a fat child and a fat teenager. I hadn't known anything else other than being fat, so I didn't know how thinner people were treated. Then I started going out with an arsehole who told me I needed to lose weight. (It strikes me as funny he only said that after we started going out. He should've found himself a slimmer girl to start with rather than trying to change me. Hey ho, you live and learn.) I was extremely unhealthy in my dieting, sometimes only eating satsumas and carrots all day. I lost a couple of stones very quickly and soon I was Miss Popular. Some people at work at the time - both men and women - were suddenly all over me when they'd paid me no mind before. I hated it. I knew they were shallow arseholes because I was persona non grata to them before. I wasn't any different inside and their sudden interest disgusted me. I wanted nothing to do with them. I guess from that age I thought anyone who didn't like me as I am could go and get screwed. I've remained that way. Anger and a dash of feminism make me bristle at the notion that women are things whose primary function is to exist to be physically appealing to men. I don't owe it to anyone to be their version of attractive, but sadly there are some men out there who believe this is the case and get all butt-hurt when they see a woman who dares not to fit the cookie cutter mould of excellence. (Any sarcasm you're getting is entirely intentional.) The Daily Mail is the equivalent of the twatty bloke outside a pub who said 'Look at the size of THAT!' as I walked past, if my very existence is going to subvert the entire human race and curdle his pint. 

So we have established I'm not perfect, and we've established I'm a bolshy feminist who couldn't give a monkey's if my body offends poor shallow souls. That says more about them than it does me. There's more to it than that though. This is why I refuse hate myself: This body of mine is the only one I've got. These legs of mine, these fat legs, they've carried me around all these years. They've helped me dance with joy in dozens of  clubs over the years, taken me on numerous journeys to see and do wonderful things and have opened up to let in a couple of good guys (and a few arseholes.) These pillowy arms of mine give a cuddle so soft and warm no one wants to let go. These chins of mine - so displeasing to some eyes (even my own sometimes - self-acceptance is a journey) - feel like pure velvet. We've been through a lot, my body and I. I fell down a flight of concrete stairs and wrecked my back before I reached the age of 10. I've been run over by a Ford Transit van, sustaining head injuries and nerve damage. I've had an 8 inch metal bolt go into my knee, leaving me with one leg shorter than the other. I've carried and lost two babies in this body. I've lost a part of my reproductive system to the hospital incinerator. My body is not a thing to be leered at or jeered at. It is SO much more than a lady garden and a pair of boobs and I really REALLY want to forcefully put my elbow into the face of anyone who dares break me down to spare parts like that, and you should too.

Don't stand for it. Don't stand for an iota of bullshit about your body. Our bodies aren't under public ownership. They aren't there to be policed, rated, or commented upon by Neanderthals in the street. Our bodies are for loving and laughing, learning, and experiencing all the wonders life has to give.

What say you, peoples of earth?

Thanks to Chelle for giving me the kick up the boo-tay to post this again.

Grurple OOTD and about loving yourself

Hiya pickles!

I have a casual outfit for you today, but first colour maths.  Grey+purple=grurple.

I wore this outfit today when I nipped out for a quick walk. Oops, you can see the pattern on my bra through the dress.

Here's my face today. I'm happier than I look!

Cardigan, Yours (past season)
Dress, Tesco via fat swap
Leggings, Matalan
Shoes, Asda
Necklace, Wilde at heart
Lipstick, w7 matte lip colour in nude

The more I look at my VBO the less I mind it. I'm starting to think it looks quite cute. And this my friends is the importance of taking photos of your body whatever you look like, but especially if your body is non-normative. We need to normalise a whole spectrum of bodies which aren't usually represented - fat bodies, bodies of all colours, all genders, trans* folk, disabled bodies, you get my drift.

Time and time again I remind myself these perfect bodies we see in the media are one person in thousands, tens of thousands even, yet we beat ourselves up for being ordinary.

Do me a favour - take a photo of yourself today if you can. Have a good look at it, but not with a critical eye. What do you like? Those legs which carry you places (if you're able bodied) - does their shape or size affect how many adventures they can carry you on? Do your bingo wings (I hate that term!) actually make for the best cuddles in the world because your arms are so soft and pillowy? Have you got great hair or a smile that could make a statue wink? Does your face reflect the kindness within you? Do you have perfect teeth, a great arse, a button nose, the cutest freckles, or the softest most stroke-able double chins in the land? Loving yourself is as simple as finding one thing a day you love about yourself, and then looking for more. Loving yourself doesn't mean you've 'given up', and it doesn't mean you can't act to change things about yourself if you're not happy (and frankly doing it from a place of love is a lot better than doing it because of any other reason.)

All it means is you're loving yourself now, today, not in 10 or 50 pounds or in 3 dress sizes away or when Brad Pitt declares undying love for you.

PLEASE stop hating yourself (if you do.) Imagine what we could all do if we stopped hating ourselves. Where would that extra energy go? What good would we be able to do with it? What power would we recognise within ourselves? What a gift it would be!

Think about it. Happiness doesn't lie in a thigh gap you can drive a truck down or cheekbones you can cut yourself on (unless of course that's how you were born!) it lies in self awareness, self acceptance and self love.

Know who you are, accept who you are and love who you are.

I love myself. There's only one me. When I focus on the love I give and receive and the joy it brings me there are SO many things more important than the size of my arse.

So take that photo, have a good long look, and tell me what you love about yourself today. If you can't find anything you love about yourself, send the photo to me and I'll tell you what I think is amazing about you. Upload it here in the comments or email me it at leahjdm@gmail.com. Seriously. Do it.

As well as accepting yourself, you have to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are (and who accept themselves too.) Foster healthy relationships with people who aren't shallow and you'll soon feel better about yourself. I've always been a 'Take me as I am or feck off' kind of person so that kinda tends to bat away shit heads right from the start. Loving yourself today might be as simple as pulling someone up on their body-shaming bullshit and letting them know the expectation is for you to be treated better in future. Sometimes we can't avoid toxic people - they may be colleagues or family members - but we can absolutely advocate for ourselves and let them know their crap is unnecessary and unwanted and we won't stand for it any longer. Sometimes respect has to be demanded. We can absolutely refuse to be anything other than civil to people who aren't nice to us - we don't owe anyone our pleasantness. It is not our job to play nice with bigots, y'all. We don't owe 'em shit.

Thanks for reading, and let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Dispelling myths - the 'good' fatty vs the 'bad' fatty

Hello,

Trigger Warning - I'm going to talk about the emotions we attach to food and weight which may be triggering for some people. 

I often take a long time to get to sleep and I whir things over in my mind instead of counting sheep. I was thinking about how I could be thought of as a 'virtuous' or 'good' fatty by some because I have quite a healthy diet, but then I realised that's bullshit. I always have a retort in mind about how healthily I eat if challenged by some fat-phobic prick, but I don't owe anyone an explanation, and neither do you. I have become so conditioned to explaining my body to people who deserve no such thing and I've only just realised it. Such is the weight of expectation (pardon the pun) on fat people to be in a state of apology or explanation for our bodies that I expect some of you reading this have a set of go-to retorts for when you're challenged by some fat-phobic jerk. Am I right?

Let me pedal back a bit. I learned to attach emotions or virtues to food at a very young age. My mum was fat and didn't want me to have a hard life like her, so she took me to the doctor to be put on a diet before I was the age of 10. (I don't blame my mum AT ALL - she was a very young single mother doing the best she could and no one could have known how it would affect me). Unfortunately I grew up messed up in the head about my weight and food. Food was the enemy. Add to that people around me who were often nasty and fat-shaming - family members, kids at school, people from my mum's church - I grew up feeling 'wrong' somehow, and I felt that way up until very recently. The language we use around children can SO damaging and it makes me really angry to recall what I went through generally. People feel they can say anything to children about their bodies and it's so wrong. The messages you put in young people's heads last a lifetime. 

It can be hard to break away from the negative feelings we have around food and our bodies when the media (and sometimes friends, families, colleagues, randoms in the street) tell us or infer that we are 'bad' for having excess adipose tissue. We are judged and made to feel bad for our food choices, even if they're good choices, as if we're supposed to give up eating altogether. Yeah, right! It's so pervasive that I feel the need to have a retort at hand for any insulting idiot who comes my way, when in truth it'd take hours to explain my weight story, hours of my time that person doesn't deserve (nor likely want to hear) as my fat body alone is proof to them of my 'failure'.

When you have a non-normative body you become public property, free to be discussed, poked, prodded and abused. If you dare fall short of the unspoken standard for bodies, it irritates people who are in the mistaken belief that we owe them our thinness. 

It's incredibly arrogant behaviour when you think about it, and it should make you angry. No one has the right to police your body. Your doctor can make suggestions if they pertain to your health (and then it's up to you whether to follow that advice or not) but unfortunately much of the medical profession is as hung up on aesthetics as your every day Neanderthal who yells abuse from a speeding car. It's often not our health which is a problem, but our size, which is why weight loss is prescribed for everything from a frozen shoulder to ingrown toenails. In truth, much of the health trolling/health 'concern' fat people receive has eff all to do with our health and a whole lot about thin people not wanting to see us.

We don't owe anybody shit - not our health, nor our explanations. The only person we are accountable to is ourselves. There's no such thing as a 'good' or 'bad' fatty. Whether you exist on a diet of mung beans and quinoa or place a chair in front of the fridge and get comfortable, no one has the right to tell you or infer that you are more or less of a person as a result. There is no 'good' or 'bad' weight. We can only determine as individuals what is the comfortable weight for us, where we feel vital and good in ourselves. What feels good and healthy for one person might be another person's 'too much'. We need to take the emphasis off weight and place it squarely onto health, where it belongs. Here I sit, morbidly obese by medical standards, with great health markers - low to normal blood pressure, great cholesterol and blood sugar. Of course I have the occasional bag of crisps and a pizza here and there, but I don't feel guilty for eating them in the slightest because I know most of the time I eat healthy food which nourishes me and makes me feel good. My body may not reflect what I eat because being fat isn't as simple as calories in and calories out. I really don't give a toss if some tosser in the street thinks I inhale doughnuts 24/7. People like that mean nothing to me so why should I care?!

If you love vegetables and eat clean, or if your three main food groups are pizza, pizza and pizza it doesn't change a thing. If only we lived in a world where we judged people's goodness on character and not on the label in their clothes.

What's your say on this?

Obviously this is an emotive topic, so let's have some polite debate.

Many thanks for reading.

Fat bitch #5 I'm so vain!

Hello flowers,

I'm a little bit behind on the assignments for the Fat Bitch ecourse run by the fabulous Rachele from The Nearsighted Owl.

#5 is about vanity, glorious sweet vanity.

I am so vain. I love myself - most of the time. Of course I have my days like everyone else, but mainly I'm happy with my lot. On to the assignment:

Be vain and take a photo of yourself. Take a million of photos of yourself! Even if you don't post them, see what it feels like to be your own apple of your eye. Say, look at me! I am a fat bitch AND hot! Blog it, Instagram it, Tweet it (#fatbitchecourse, #nearsightedowl), etc.

I was going to lounge around the house taking a bunch of photos of myself for this assignment, but I had an awesome Easter weekend out with my friends, and I thought I looked bangin', so have a load of this:

Cheesin' in the car on the way

Me & Percy the giant penis

Pinching my friend's hat for a while

I love this one - look at my cheekbones!

I prefer sincere compliments over too many compliments, probably because duh, I am vain and I am hearing what I already know. What about you? Can you take a compliment? Or do you catch yourself saying the obligatory self-deprecating response?

When I was younger, I used to be THE worst person at accepting comments. I think it was part nurture and part nature. I grew up dirt poor in a very rough n' tough place about 20 miles away from London and since moving away I've definitely noticed life away from big cities is a little gentler, and so are some of the people in it, including me ;) I was very guarded as a survival instinct, but gradually I stopped being so defensive, perhaps when I moved away. Now I try to be mindful to accept compliments when they come, but I'm very humble and sometimes bat them away without thinking, but I try not to. I think it depends how I feel at the time as well. If I feel fantastic I'm much more likely to agree with a positive comment.

On the subject of vanity, I think a certain amount of it is healthy. I know if I feel craptacular all I have to do to cheer myself up is put on some make up, dress up and take a ton of photos. So I'd go as far to say that vanity is a part of self care. 

Safe and unsafe places for fat people

Hiya lovelies!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about being fat recently and I've been re-examining the beliefs I've had since I was a small child. I'm about to start CBT for depression and anxiety disorder shortly so I've been examining what I think, and why. Call it homework.

The beliefs I have about safe and unsafe places for fat people partly come from my mum's coaching and partly from my own experiences of life in a fat body. My mum used to be fat, and she had a hard life (she's since lost a lot of weight.) She had her own viewpoint on safe and unsafe places, which were probably made up in part by her own experiences and in part from the coaching from her mother, who was also fat. The things we do to our kids, eh?

I remember as a child being told things by my mum like 'That shop isn't for us', 'People like us can't go in there' and more importantly 'We can't wear things like that.' My mum didn't mean any harm, but she had marked me out as different and given me an introduction to the belief system I wouldn't even question for almost thirty years. That's effed up. The things we say to children are so, so important.

I grew up with messages both spoken and implied and it conditioned me into a state of submission. When you're a child or teenager and no one on tv or in films looks like you (and if they do look like you they are usually portrayed in a bad light) it gives you a sense of 'wrongness' which can take a lifetime to shirk. Add tormenting kids at school and ignorant family members and the conditioning to be in a state of apology for my body was set in stone. The way adults speak to fat children can be awful and incredibly damaging. I had a horrible childhood in some ways because certain members of my family were careless with their words and I'd been brought up to respect my elders no matter what. Now, when I hear someone fat-shaming a child I wish I could rewind my life and show it to them in x30 speed so they can see the potential damage they can cause through constant repetition of cruel words.

Places I feel safe (and by 'safe' I mean feel totally at home in.)


In the rock/metal community. The whole community has an outcast feel to it, so people tend to take you as you are. So rock pubs, clubs, gigs and festivals are places where I feel at home.

In the biker community. Bikers tend to be hedonists - loving booze, grub, good music and good times - as anyone who's been to the Bulldog Bash can attest. It's a 4 day biker meet held every August which is policed by Hells Angels and is as much fun as you can have with your clothes on. I've been 8 or 9 times even though I can't ride a bicycle let alone a motorbike! It's a very cool community who again accept you on your own merits, not on what you look like.

With friends and family, the latter who know by now to keep their gobs firmly shut unless they want me to rip them a new one. As a child I was told to respect my elders, but as an adult I only give respect where it's due. I have a wide circle of friends of all ages and backgrounds. I don't expect anyone to treat me differently because I'm fat, and if someone does, then they're not my friend. I don't associate with shallow idiots.

In shops who sell clothes to fit me.


Places I don't feel safe

Pretty much everywhere else but especially nightclubs (meat markets), pubs full of lads (dickheads) and on public transport (where people get territorial over the amount of space they feel is theirs, and resent sharing it with a fat body.)

What are your safe and unsafe places?

I might add I've been working for the last 15 years to undo some of the thought processes I'd learned in my early life. The thoughts about not being able to shop in some stores or wear certain things are gone. If I want to shop somewhere I will (but if they don't sell clothes to fit me I refuse on principle to buy anything else from them) and if I want to wear something I damn well will.

By the time I was a teenager I was so uptight about myself, about all the things I was told (explicitly or by implication) I couldn't do that I had so many hangups. I cared far too much what other people thought of me - or what I thought they thought of me. It was only when my nan died almost 15 years ago that I realised life is for living, not for accepting the little boxes other people try to put us in, and certainly not for worrying about what people might think of us. You have to live for yourself, not other people.

I slowly began my metamorphosis. I soon realised that in a lot of social situations, people are too busy having their own fun to stop and stare at the fat girl dancing like it's the last day of her life, and if they do....well, stuff 'em!

My self-acceptance journey is still ongoing. As time goes by I increasingly question the way I think about myself and about the shackles of societal discrimination I still bear despite my best efforts. Every day I strive to give less of a shit and to live my life for me. I don't want to be on my deathbed full of regrets that I hadn't been able to be myself because I was too busy worrying about what society dictates is seemly behaviour for a fat person. I want to be laughing my arse off thinking 'What a ride!' I will get there.

Over to you - what do you think on this subject?

Thanks for reading.

Seeking healthcare whilst fat

Hello lovelies.

I apologise for the rant and possible swearing about to spew forth from me. I am seeing everything through a red mist of outrage.

Before I begin, I'd like to give examples to the slim readers amongst us to what seeking healthcare whilst fat is like. Unless you have fat friends or family you might have no idea what it's like to be seeking healthcare whilst in a fat body.

1.Patient: I've got this pain in my shoulder, it's going down my arm and up to my neck. I can hardly move my arm at all.
Doctor: It sounds like frozen shoulder to me. Here's a diet leaflet, you'd feel a lot better if you lost some weight. (No help or advice given with the frozen shoulder. Patient saw another doctor weeks later who gave painkillers and an advice leaflet about exercises to do.)

2. Patient: I've been seeing Dr XYZ for a while, but here's not here today. He thinks I have *insert very rare and serious medical condition which can kill you*
Doctor: There's nothing wrong with you. Dr XYZ doesn't think you have that.
Patient: Yes he does, it's in my records.
Doctor: (doesn't bother to look) You're just obese.
Patient: (cries)
Doctor: (starts speaking really slowly and patronisingly, like he's dealing with a five year old) Do you think you're depressed? WHY do you think you might be depressed? (goes on to dictate a letter to secretary in front of patient, in which he refers to patient as 'an unfortunate woman'.)

3. Patient: I came to see you two weeks ago after I had a serious fall at home and put my back out. You said to come back after two weeks if the pain hadn't improved.
Doctor: (shouts) Get on the scales!
Patient: (complies, not too sure how it relates to an injury from a fall.)
Doctor: (shouts) Stop laying around feeling depressed, lose weight and get a job!!!' (Gives no painkillers.)
Patient: (shuffles out in tears of pain and frustration.)

4. Patient: I've been sent (to this hospital) to confirm a diagnosis by my hospital consultant (from another hospital) as he thinks I have *insert chronic disabling illness*
Doctor: Exactly how many burgers do you eat a week then?
Patient: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

In all of those cases, the patient was me. 

Those are just the recent incidents which spring to mind, I've probably pushed more out of my mind. 

The reason why I'm so irate today is because my mum saw a doctor of the same ilk at her local hospital a couple of days ago. I only found out yesterday because she didn't want to tell me. She didn't want to tell me because she knew I'd blow my top. My mum got an umbilical hernia giving birth to my brother, and has since had about 5 operations to save her life as it has strangulated a few times and she's also had horrific abdominal adhesions. Basically she's scarred from just under her tits to her pubic mound. She's been opened up like a pie so many times she doesn't have a belly button and she looks like a hot cross bun that got 'decorated' by Freddy Kreuger. Now she has 3 hernias, and her whole insides are a mess. When she had the worst strangulation, it affected her bowel and it started to die, so they had to take out lots of intestines and part of her bowel. She constantly has pain - both when hungry and when she's eaten. Sometimes the pain is bearable, and other times she ends up at the hospital. My mum has a couple of 'extra' stones on her, but I wouldn't say she's particularly fat. She's worked hard for years to lose weight to get her doctor off her back.

The local hospital to where she lives is nicknamed 'Death Valley' thanks to its wonderful care of patients. When my mum was last in hospital having a hernia operation (last year) I honestly thought they were going to kill her. It's the only hospital I know of where you have a 10 minute walk (at an ill person's pace) through the hospital itself to reach the A&E department. They were really focussed on patient care there, weren't they? In my mum's hometown they used to have 3 hospitals, and the surrounding towns they used to have hospitals too, but they shut them all down and decided to build one enormous monstrosity to save money. Basically, it doesn't work from the perspective of patient care, because there are too many people trying to use it. there have been times when they've shut because they have no beds. Great!

Anyway, so off she goes to the hospital with my step dad to wait in the waiting room, which is 110 degrees at all times and usually so crowded patients have to wait on their own while family members loiter outside in the corridor. After 4 hours of sitting there in absolute agony, having already been triaged, she saw a 'doctor'. I put the word in inverted commas as I think his actual title should be Chief Torturer.

Before I tell you about mum's examination, let me explain to you a common misconception about fat people. Sometimes people, including doctors, seem to assume if you're fat, you're stupid. Too stupid to realise you're fat perhaps, or too stupid to do anything about it. See point 2 above, for example, and perhaps other fats might have experienced this if they've had the misfortune to seek healthcare whilst fat and seen a total TOOL.

Anyhoo, mum told Dr Death she has multiple hernias and her entire stomach area is really tender at the best of times, let alone now. Obviously a doctor has to have a feel around to see what hurts, and when you're in pain that's going to make you wince, say owww or flinch away. I've been told myself by doctors that when a person is carrying extra weight it can be harder to determine what's going on by feel alone.

The way Mum described the way this fella was examining her was that he was almost gleeful at hurting her. He was virtually elbow deep in her stomach area, asking as he went if where he was pressing was sore. Of course, everywhere hurt for the aforementioned reasons, and then he started to be patronising. 'Does this hurt?' 'Ow!' 'Does THIS hurt?' 'Ow!' Does this and this and this hurt?' 'Ow, ow, ow!' Then the patronising little toad grabbed her hand, tapped it and said 'Does that hurt too?'

Patronising sack of SHIT.

I am absolutely *expletive expletive expletive* fuming on her behalf.

Would he have been such an arsehole if she was slim? I don't know. He might be a twat to everyone. He's probably overworked, underpaid and as bitter as a grapefruit about the way the Government are shafting the NHS. Does that excuse his behaviour? Not an effing jot! I err towards assuming he was particularly foul to her because he saw her as fat and stupid because it's happened to me before, it's happened to her before, and it's probably happened to thousands of fat people all over the world. You only have to Google 'doctor fat prejudice' to see loads of articles about it.

Have you ever been treated like shit like a doctor because you're fat? Tell us your stories.
Have you ever complained about a doctor? (I have!)
Maybe you're a doctor or other healthcare professional - care to share your opinion?
Care to balance things up - are you thin and have a story of a hideous doctor?

DISCLAIMER - THIS IS NOT A DOCTOR BASHING BLOG. NOT ALL DOCTORS ARE DISRESPECTFUL ARSEHOLES.

I have a really good GP now and have been treated really respectfully by most of the consultants I've seen at my local hospital. However, when someone is SO foul, like in the 4 examples I gave at the top of this post, it does give you a fear and cynicism of seeking healthcare whilst in a fat body.

I realise this is a contentious issue, so let's have some polite discourse.

Thanks for reading!

I like fat books and I cannot lie

Hello mi' lovers! *Cornish accent*

Lovely Becky of Does My Blog Make Me Look Fat ran a giveaway recently where she was giving away some fat books - or books pertaining to fatness if you want to be all posh about it ;) - and I won! Cue a mad windmill round the living room like a duck with its wings on fire and some whooping and hollering before I calmed down.

Here are said fat books:

Fat!So? by Marilyn Wann
Wake Up, I'm Fat by Camryn Manheim
My Mad Fat Diary by Rae Earl

I've started reading Fat!So? and am a good 50+ pages in already. I love it.

I'll be reviewing all three books on the blog as I read each one.

Thanks so much Becky!

Have you ever read any books about fat acceptance, or any other empowering or self-help books? Care to share their titles with us?

Thanks for reading! Have a great week.