At This Moment #7 - What I'm reading, watching and doing

AT-THIS-MOMENT-WHAT-I'M-READING-WATCHING-LOVING
Hello lovebugs! I missed this post last month but I'm back again with the latest installment of what I'm up to!

WATCHING

I'm loving Star Trek Discovery on Netflix. I'm a proud Trekkie! I'm also loving S2 of Designated Survivor.

READING

I'm reading South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. It was a recommendation from a guy I went on a date with. The guy didn't last but the book has. 😄 I can't read much right now as I'm too hyper and I can't concentrate, but I look forward to being a bookworm again.

MAKING

Plans for my future! The future is wide open but I've got to shape it. I want my own place and I want to study psychology to the highest level. I want to be a counsellor so I can help others through  relationship breakdowns with damaging individuals. I'd do anything I could to help others going through what I'm going through right now.

STARTING

I need to start saving for a deposit on my own place as I need my independence. I'm also starting to think moving back to Kent was a good thing and this is where I'll stay. I'm also starting to date again. It feels good.

FINISHING

My grieving for that man is done. It was quite a few weeks ago. That was helped by the cruelty of his discard - every cloud has a silver lining! 😁😁😁😁😁😁

ENJOYING

Freedom! Less anxiety about using public transport - since I've been single I've been HAVING to use it and I'm gadding about here and there on trains all the time with no anxiety at all now. 

LISTENING
(This section used to be TEXTING but music is far more interesting than texting!)

I LOVE this song. When I found out who it was by I was ashamed of myself, but I can't help but adore this song so much, especially the final 90 seconds or so. I sing along loud and often!



LOVING

I'm really into Sia at the moment too. She's bipolar and I identify so much with her lyrics. Music in general is helping me so much.

HATING

Bipolar! Having bipolar and being a bi-polar-bear 🐻 are so hard. It affects everything from how many typos I make when I write (a lot, my thoughts race so much I can't spell or do grammar, and I was educated at a grammar school, FFS!) to the way I walk (seriously, bipolar mania makes you hypersexual and I walk like a panther on the prowl!) Everything is different. Even my handwriting is different when I'm manic. But it's the ups and downs, the feeling on top of the world then doubting everything which is the most painful. Well, that and all the people rushing out of my life now I have bipolar. The stigma IS HUGE. People have no idea what bipolar actually IS.

It's a mood disorder which means you go through Mount Everest level highs and Mariana Trench lows. It's not 'madness' per se, you just feel everything so deeply. But people are SO scared of it (and me) and I've been losing support left and right. It feels shit. Bipolar is shit. It affects everything - how much I eat and sleep and how energetic I am. So I need support.......and I'm so thankful to the people I still have in my corner.

What's new with you?

You can read previous posts here.
One Two Three
Four Five Six

Thanks for reading. Leah xoxo

2 comments

  1. Good to see you here again. I recommend Mindhunter series on Netflix. Just finished bingeing that one.

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  2. Hi Leah, thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear people have changed since your diagnosis. So happy to hear you are experiencing less anxiety and can get about and enjoy your life more easily. Anxiety is the worst!!! Studying is a good idea. I often think of “going back” but back to what???? It’s hard to change the course of one’s life, but sometimes it’s necessary! About 8 years ago I did a short introductory Uni course, (about 4 months, part time), in Psychology 101, just the basics. It was fascinating and very broad. You have to learn so much and I was surprised that the dreaded statistics was a small subject that was included. Arrrrrgh maths! But still very interesting. I wrote 2 essays! LOL I’d never written an essay before having left school early and not done any Uni previously. Such a steep leaning curve. Anyhoo, I know whatever you do, you’ll do well. Take care and big hugs, Christy xxxx

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