WATCHING
I'm loving Star Trek Discovery on Netflix. I'm a proud Trekkie! I'm also loving S2 of Designated Survivor.
READING
I'm reading South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. It was a recommendation from a guy I went on a date with. The guy didn't last but the book has. 😄 I can't read much right now as I'm too hyper and I can't concentrate, but I look forward to being a bookworm again.
MAKING
Plans for my future! The future is wide open but I've got to shape it. I want my own place and I want to study psychology to the highest level. I want to be a counsellor so I can help others through relationship breakdowns with damaging individuals. I'd do anything I could to help others going through what I'm going through right now.
STARTING
I need to start saving for a deposit on my own place as I need my independence. I'm also starting to think moving back to Kent was a good thing and this is where I'll stay. I'm also starting to date again. It feels good.
FINISHING
My grieving for that man is done. It was quite a few weeks ago. That was helped by the cruelty of his discard - every cloud has a silver lining! 😁😁😁😁😁😁
ENJOYING
Freedom! Less anxiety about using public transport - since I've been single I've been HAVING to use it and I'm gadding about here and there on trains all the time with no anxiety at all now.
LISTENING
(This section used to be TEXTING but music is far more interesting than texting!)
I LOVE this song. When I found out who it was by I was ashamed of myself, but I can't help but adore this song so much, especially the final 90 seconds or so. I sing along loud and often!
LOVING
I'm really into Sia at the moment too. She's bipolar and I identify so much with her lyrics. Music in general is helping me so much.
HATING
Bipolar! Having bipolar and being a bi-polar-bear 🐻 are so hard. It affects everything from how many typos I make when I write (a lot, my thoughts race so much I can't spell or do grammar, and I was educated at a grammar school, FFS!) to the way I walk (seriously, bipolar mania makes you hypersexual and I walk like a panther on the prowl!) Everything is different. Even my handwriting is different when I'm manic. But it's the ups and downs, the feeling on top of the world then doubting everything which is the most painful. Well, that and all the people rushing out of my life now I have bipolar. The stigma IS HUGE. People have no idea what bipolar actually IS.
It's a mood disorder which means you go through Mount Everest level highs and Mariana Trench lows. It's not 'madness' per se, you just feel everything so deeply. But people are SO scared of it (and me) and I've been losing support left and right. It feels shit. Bipolar is shit. It affects everything - how much I eat and sleep and how energetic I am. So I need support.......and I'm so thankful to the people I still have in my corner.
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Thanks for reading. Leah xoxo
Good to see you here again. I recommend Mindhunter series on Netflix. Just finished bingeing that one.
ReplyDeleteOh thank you lovely, I'll check it out! I hope you're well?
DeleteHi Leah, thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear people have changed since your diagnosis. So happy to hear you are experiencing less anxiety and can get about and enjoy your life more easily. Anxiety is the worst!!! Studying is a good idea. I often think of “going back” but back to what???? It’s hard to change the course of one’s life, but sometimes it’s necessary! About 8 years ago I did a short introductory Uni course, (about 4 months, part time), in Psychology 101, just the basics. It was fascinating and very broad. You have to learn so much and I was surprised that the dreaded statistics was a small subject that was included. Arrrrrgh maths! But still very interesting. I wrote 2 essays! LOL I’d never written an essay before having left school early and not done any Uni previously. Such a steep leaning curve. Anyhoo, I know whatever you do, you’ll do well. Take care and big hugs, Christy xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you darling! How's your reno going?? Is it all done yet?
DeleteAnxiety is the pits and I'm on beta blockers to make it better but the future is still a scary place. I still want to study but I think I need to put myself back together first. I'm giving myself enough time to heal up first. How ever long that takes. xxxxx