I've done a few posts since I've been back from my Christmas break. There was my year in review Jan-June here, my year in review July-Dec here and a fun blog tag about 2012 here.
Right, consider yourself caught up!
1. My main aim for 2013 is to get pregnant. Quick history lesson for new people to my blog - I've lost two babies, in 2003 and 2011, both ectopic pregnancies. I had one fallopian tube removed in 2011 when it burst and I also have a tilted uterus, which can make conceiving a bit tricky. I need to prepare for pregnancy by continuing the work I started in 2012 - yoga and healthy eating - as I want to be as fit and healthy as I can be (all existing health conditions taken into consideration) to be able to cope with motherhood. I started off well in 2012 with lots of healthy food and exercise, then re-invigorated myself midyear with yoga and clean eating but it kind of went to pot towards the end of the year.
2. I want to learn a new word a day. I think I've got a fairly good vocabulary but I'd like to improve on it.
3. I want to learn Swedish. I said this last year and did sod all about it. I have the Rosetta Stone CD. I just need to pull my finger out.
4. I want to do more for work my blog. I'm really bothered by the crap light we have in England for 9 months of the year so I'm going to build myself a light box and then at least product swatches are guaranteed all year round. For make up looks and clothing posts I can always rely on flash photography, but make up swatches with flash alone can be very misleading. Following on from that I want to create more content for the blog - more make up looks, more
outfit posts, more swatches, more everything. Last year I made a concerted
effort to be more me on my blog, and since no one has gone
running downhill and jumped into the sea after seeing bits of my face
and body I figure I'll carry on trying to be a little braver with my
fashion and make up choices. I doubt anyone on their death bed wishes
they'd done less of anything. More, more, more of everything!
5. Something fun, lastly. I don't want my aims to be all serious. In 2013 I want to have more orgasms! My anxiety/depression meds cause sexual disfunction. Without beating around the bush (pardon the pun!) it's much harder to achieve a state of bliss on my tablets. My husband is a very patient man, but sometimes we need to pull out the big guns....or should I say the vibrating guns ;)
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I think where I have always failed with aims/resolutions before is I decide I want to do something, then just think it'll magically happen. This year I'm going to write down my aims, work out what I can do to help myself carry them out and most importantly of all, revisit my goals often. I'm going to write a mudderfugging manifesto! OK kids and responsible adults, what's on your to do list for 2013?
If you've been here a while you will know I love love love a good ol' blog tag. This one comes from the lovely Becky.
What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I started to care less what people thought of me, which meant there was more of me on my blog - more face, more body, more thoughts. It's something I intend to increase even more in 2013.
Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for
next year?
No, I don't really do resolutions, but this year I have a bunch of aims. I'm going to do a separate post for that.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No one in my close friends or family did this year.
What countries did you visit?
Only England this year, but we did see rather a lot of it!We went to Cornwall, to Birmingham 3 times, Manchester twice, Wiltshire 4 times, and to Kent and London numerous times.
What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
The ability to MAKE time for more content in the blog. In the latter half of 2012 I made a concerted effort to improve my blog, and I'm only really getting started. I have big plans for 2013.
What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory?
14th June 2012, the day my friend Helen died.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving. I have so many health issues I'm glad I'm still here!
What was your biggest failure?
Constantly underestimating myself. In 2013 I'm going to be learning CBT and putting some negative thought processes out with the rubbish.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just a continuation of the Fibro, CFS, depression, ovarian cysts, anxiety, asthma, underactive thyroid and IBS. Did I miss anything out?! I don't *think* I got anything new this year. Amen to that!
What was the best thing you bought?
A new camera, a Canon EOS550D. Actually, I should've said a wedding ring, shouldn't I? Sorry hubby!
Where did most of your money go?
Clothes, make up and a sneaky wee wedding.
What song will always remind you of 2012?
Read All About It by Emili Sande, because it reminds me so much of the Olympics and a summer full of such positive things.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder?
Happier by far. I got married this year and it has brought me closer to so many people. There's so much more love in my heart at the end of this year than at the start.
Thinner or fatter?
Fatter I think, but it's hard to tell as I fluctuate all the time depending on my health and how active I can be at any given time.
Richer or poorer?
Poorer probably, because I've been tempted by so many lovely things this year.
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Time on my blog - more make up, more outfits, more more moarrrrr!
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing about the wedding and how we were going to pay for it. I turned into a total bridezilla and lost sight of the big picture. If I could go back again I would just trust that everything would be OK, because it was. I worried for nothing. Sure, things went wrong on the day, a couple of things which I'd do anything to change, but we all survived. Of course if I could do it all over again I'd do a couple of things differently, but considering we weren't ever going to get married until I almost stiffed it, I think we did good.
Who were your best friends?
James has been a massive support to me this year. I didn't think we could be any closer, but we have been. Also the two Rach's, one in my home town and one in my new home town.
What thing did you do that was meaningful to others?
Getting married. My mum, dad and step-dad have all said it made them so proud. Because I was the product of a broken home, marriage wasn't on the cards for me (at least, that was what I thought!) but I hadn't considered the joy it would bring my family. My brother was beaming at me all day long, my dad bought everyone with a pulse a drink, my step dad did all the driving about to make himself useful and I think my mum was just dying with happiness ;)
What were your favourite TV programs?
Sons of Anarchy, which I naughtily downloaded each week. Game of Thrones, even though my No 1 heartthrob Jason Momoa was only in it in a dream sequence. Also, when I got Netflix in November I started catching up on Rescue Me, which might just be my favourite TV show ever.
What was the best book you read in 2012?
Oh dear. I really didn't read much at all in 2012. I'll say the first Harry Potter book. I waited alllll this time to read them all in one go.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Emili Sande and Bruno Mars. Even though I'm a rock chick I really enjoyed them both. Oh, and Halestorm.
What did you want and get?
A husband!
What did you want but did NOT get?
A Lotto win, but since the year has been so good, I'll let the Lotto win fairies off.
What was your favourite film of this year?
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol or Prometheus. I enjoyed them both very much.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I got married :) I was 38.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my friend had lived. Even if we never spoke another day in our lives, she'd have been there for all her loved ones.
What kept you sane?
Blogging, my husband, family and friends.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jason Momoa. All year every year, believe me!
Who did you miss?
My family, who I miss being away from.
Who was the best new person you met this year?
I don't think I met any new people in the flesh, but I've met some fabulous new people through my blog and reconnected with existing friends.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Don't waste time or take anything for granted. Anything can happen. If a vital, vivacious and bubbly 39 year old can die of a heart attack on her way to work, anyfuckingthing can happen. Please, please grab life by the balls. I'm not saying you have to bungee jump over the Grand Canyon, just put value into all you do. If you're walking the dog, bloody invest yourself in it. Smell the flowers, smile at people. If you're with your family, be with the family. Put the phone down once in a while and enjoy being with them, even if you just enjoy the companionable silence. Put no price on being with your friends and family. If it costs you a lot of money to be with them, sod it. It will be worth it. The stupidity of youth is we think everything is infinite. If we have a holiday, we think 'This is great! I'll come back again next year!' EFF THAT. Be in the moment and take the time to appreciate everything you do, because you may never get to do it again. Soak it up like a sponge. Take photos and shoot video to look back on by all means, but be in the now as much as possible. The tendency is to be so looking forward to things in the future that we don't appreciate what we have right now, today. Worry less, enjoy more.
If you do this, please post a link to your post in the comments! Thank you, and happy New Year (again!)
Hi lovelies!
Here's part two of my year in review. I chose to split it into two as it's quite photo heavy.
JULY
July saw Olympic fever step up a gear as the torch
relay visited Hastings and St Leonards. We also had the Red Arrows do a
display over the beach which was absolutely breathtaking viewed through a
zoom lens in our sun room! James's brother got married on the last day
of July and had a big fat Greek wedding, which was totally fabulous.
AUGUST
August
was a month full of Olympic fever. I caught it and bought a Union Jack
loo seat, Union Jack bunting for the sun room and Union Jack fridge
magnet. Even my Graze box was covered in a Union Jack. We went to
Birmingham to celebrate Helen's life on what would've been her 40th
birthday. We also went to visit our friends in Manchester and had a
lovely time.
SEPTEMBER
The
Paralympic Games came to a close having made a whole nation proud. In
September I fell in love with Tard the grumpy cat. I made some choices
about living a more compassionate life and vowed to turn to cruelty free
make up and cosmetics in future. We went out dressed as pirates to
celebrate my friend Rach's birthday.
OCTOBER
For
most of October I was consumed with worry after the roof started
leaking into our boiler cupboard (and into the flat below ours.) We had 2 80 litre containers in there
at its worst and were very relieved when it was finally fixed after
about 4 weeks. We went to our friends Rach and Craig's Halloween themed
wedding in Wiltshire.
NOVEMBER
In
November I finally saw my doctor about the depression and anxiety which
had been plaguing me for about 3 years. I began preparing for Christmas
in earnest. I also fell in love with Models Own's nail varnish
offerings and went hog wild.
DECEMBER
I
was utterly consumed with all things festive - films, music, present
buying, Christmas card writing and reading lots of lovely blogs full of
ideas of presents to buy and things to make.
OVERALL
Except for the sadness of Helen passing, 2012 was a great year. It was a truly wonderful year to be British - the Queen's
Diamond Jubilee celebrations, the Olympics and then the Paralympics put
the spotlight firmly upon our little part of the world and it's been a
really feel-good year. It's certainly one I'll remember fondly until my dying day.
Marrying
James has made me closer to him and his huge extended family, which is
great. Since we've been married James has become a much more thoughtful
man and because of that I've been more understanding of him and his
strange man ways, hehe. We've also become closer to my dad's side of the
family, staying with them a few times in the last half of the year. It
feels like our circle of people has doubled in size, and it's such a
beautiful thing having so many wonderful people around us.
This
has been a year when I've really warmed as a person. I used to be
really negative before I met James, but 10 years with him has slowly
turned me around to a sunnier perspective. Still, there's a way to go
and there were two reminders this year that I'm flawed. Firstly I nearly
fell out with a good friend after writing an ill-conceived blog, and
then Helen died before we could resolve things. Thus followed a period
of deep introspection and I think I'm a more compassionate person as a
result. If I could turn back the clock I would, but I can't. All I can
do is vow to be less of an idiot in future and be as of much support to
Helen's partner as I can.
This year from a blog perspective I did more outfit posts than before, as I
decided this is me and people can take it or leave it. Thankfully I've
made a few friends in the fatshion blogosphere and of course my
existing blog readers have been very supportive. I want to do lots more outfit posts in 2013. I also vowed to stop using negative language about myself in my blog as not only is it not nice to read back on, but it may have upset my readers. I learned self-acceptance is a journey, and thinking of myself kindly is the first step.
I went mad for both indie make up and the cheapo make up goodies MUA do so well.
I became involved in internet campaigning and donating to causes I feel really strongly about this year. I threw out my old thoughts of 'What good can one person be in the grand scheme of things?' and realised that when lots of 'little' people like me get together we can bring about real change.
As much as hubby and I love our home comforts, we've travelled about more than ever this year to see friends and family. We've got packing down to a fine art and are happy out on the open road on our way to see someone we've been missing.
My health got worse but my friend's and James's understanding of it got better so I didn't feel so alone.
I'd like to finish by wishing all my readers a happy New Year. I wish you all good things in 2013.
Back in the days of MySpace, it was popular to do an end of year review, and I've continued to do so ever since. I'd love to see your year in review, so feel free to leave a link to your post in the comments if you've done one this year.
JANUARY
January 2012 was the first anniversary of losing our (second) baby, so it was a bitter sweet time. There was sadness all over again for losing the baby and happiness for making it through the emergency surgery after coming so close to dying. I signed up for my first subscription beauty box by Carmine, and also got my first dressing table, which I'd wanted all my life, materialistic little ho-bag that I am. I fell in love with Wayne Goss' Youtube videos and started a year-long de-clutter which saw 6 bin bags and a box full of 'pre-loved' items going to the charity shop. Wedding preparations were in high gear for our April wedding and I started making yummy smoothies.
FEBRUARY
There was lots of snow! My mum was in hospital for an emergency hernia operation, then back in again for a terrible kidney infection, so February was spent going to and from Kent to visit. It snowed a lot. My mum and step dad also came to stay with us for a week so mum could recuperate. I was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after 4 years. I got a bee in my bonnet for visiting graveyards and taking photos of headstones. Morbid much?
MARCH
There was a mini-heatwave in March, which was lovely after February's snow. I was spending a lot of time on Tumblr after finding the fat-acceptance movement on there. I even got brave and got my fat thighs out! Wedding prep was in high gear and I was at near nervous breakdown territory. We had a joint stag and hen do at home because the weather turned foul again and no one fancied dressing up as pirates in the rain.
APRIL
The first Saturday in April marked my 38th birthday and our wedding day, which was bloody lovely. I gleefully fell face first into Instagram when it finally came out for Android and we went to the Gadget Show Live show in Birmingham for the second year running.
MAY
We got a new camera and lens in May. We went for the Canon EOS550D and a multi-purpose lens with our honeymoon in mind. Talking of our honeymoon, we went away to Cornwall in that scorching hot week at the end of May/beginning of June and had a fabulous time. We had a lovely cottage with its own swimming pool and came back brown and relaxed. There was Jubilee Fever everywhere for the upcoming Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations and Cornwall was awash in bunting. We also saw our far-flung friends when we all congregated in Wiltshire for the weekend to stay with our friends M & T and celebrate their wedding.
JUNE
June was a bastard of a month, quite frankly, and the only month of the year I wish I could purge from existence. My friend Helen died just aged 39 of a heart attack. We were estranged and had been for a couple of years. We'd been best friends for 10 years previous to falling out and I always thought given enough time we'd just fall back into friendship. Never being able to have the chance to make things right will live with me for the rest of my life and it has coloured my experiences since and my attitude to the way I carry out my life and always will. I still feel physically sick every time I think about Helen not being here any more. All I can say to you is love your friends and family HARD as you never know when their time (or yours) is up. RIP.
I needed a cheer up yesterday and making myself look a little more human is always a good start. I did a strong brow, smokey eye and wine lips. The lipstick is Mulberry by Sleek MakeUP (post about it here), the eyeshadows are from MUA's Undressed palette, the brows are from The Body Shop's brow & liner kit applied with an angled brush. I had a hat on because my hair was all kinky. My hair is naturally wavy and I just let it do its thing most of the time, but this day it was ultra funky.
The first thing I tried from the Soap & Glory bundle of goodies The Best Of All was Heel Genius, because I really struggle to keep my feet moisturised.
My heels don't crack, but they are very dry indeed and I have a constant battle to get rid of hard skin and keep my feet soft and smooth. I use the PediPro by JML to slough off dry skin and Heel Genius will be a welcome addition to my foot care routine. It's always best to use a dedicated foot cream rather than a general moisturiser, I think. Our feet take a pounding daily and it's only fair to use the right product for the job.
I'd describe Heel Genius as more of a balm than a cream, because as soon as you apply, it soothes and cools.
To me it smells slightly minty. It sinks in quickly (on me at least, but
that may be because my feet are very dry) and leaves my feet baby's bum
soft and without any annoying dry bits. I hate it when I have dry feet which catch on the bedsheets! If you applied Heel Genius before bed
and put cotton socks on, you'd wake up with deliciously pampered tootsies.
Heel Genius costs £5.50 (at time of writing) for 125 ml from Boots online and Boots in store.
How do you take care of your feet?
I find I have to keep on top of foot care every couple of days, or else I end up with a lot of work on my hands.
Apologies for this, my second thoughtful post in a row. I promise there are posts less likely to make your brain ache coming soon.
Today I got a slice of well needed perspective and I wanted to share because I had a bit of an epiphany.
I've got PMT, PMS, whatever you want to call it. On top of the depression it's been making me feel really low. Generally my self-esteem is pretty good, but when I'm pre-menstrual I become an insecure mess. I compare myself to other people, which is a sure-fire way to end up miserable quick. When I feel like this, I feel 'less than' compared to other people and it makes me want to withdraw from being on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else because I feel as if I'm a pain and people are sick of hearing from me. I start to get paranoid, thinking no one likes me, which I know isn't true because I have a loving family and lots of great friends. Even as I'm feeling these things, I know they're stupid, but still I feel them. I'm sharing this because I'm sure lots of people feel like this occasionally but might not publicly acknowledge it as it's a little embarrassing. I don't mind being embarrassed in the pursuit of honesty.
So today I've been going round feeling like crap until I got served up a nice slice of wake the hell up. My mum texted me to tell me the girl who lived opposite us at our old house died in the summer. The girl's mother wrote to my mum. This girl and I were the same age. She'd had a fall down the stairs, soldiered on for a few weeks, then gone to hospital as she was feeling so ill. She died of a blood clot on the lung 4 days later. To make matter even worse, this poor lady's only other child needs a kidney transplant. How terrible. How cruel.
Immediately I thought 'This is proof (if we need any) that you have to live your life to the fullest as you never know when your days on this earth are done.' Then I thought 'I wish I didn't need to draw perspective from someone else's heartache.'
BINGO!
Perhaps happiness is not the right word I'm looking for. Contentment? Satisfaction? Gratitude?
Wouldn't it be great if we didn't need to be reminded by horrific events that we are lucky to be here, lucky to be alive, just damn bloody lucky?
I am saying I'm taking this bit of perspective to heart and will try in future to be thankful for the good things in my life. I'll try not to focus on this few days a month where I feel like hiding out in the darkest depths of the Mariana trench and instead remember all the good that is around me. This Christmas, as I spend time with my family and friends, I will be
thinking of that family, hoping against hope that a kidney is found for
the daughter and that somehow they can heal their hearts after this awful loss. I feel ashamed I had to think of their hurt to realise how blessed I am. I hope in future I can look for my own blessings without needing to be reminded of the suffering of others.
I share all of this because if this finds a home in one of you, dear readers, it will have been worth it.
Hugs to anyone out there feeling 'less than' right now.
Hello ladies (and gents, if there are any of you afoot.)
I went into town today to pick up the Soap & Glory Best Of All bargain bundle from Boots. My face lit up like a Christmas tree when I saw there were plenty left. Even better, it only cost me £4.50 instead of £27 as I had vouchers to cover the rest of the cost. You can read about the contents in my previous blog here.
The bag it all comes in is a lovely thick canvas with a sturdy zip and a big handle. I'll use it as a travel bag to put all my make up and toiletries in when I'm away from home. It'll be more than sufficient, even for the stupid amount of products I take away with me.
There are 7 toiletries in the bundle and 2 make up items - a mascara and a lip gloss.
I'm curled up in my leopard print slanket with a wheat bag and cushions all around me to conserve heat. When I went into town earlier it was cold, windy and raining and I can't get warm now. Because we live in a flat high up on a hill facing the sea we catch an awful lot of wind here. Brrrrrr!
