...but you've got such a pretty face!

Hiya all.

It's 2.54 am as I start writing this and I'm holding off going to bed because as soon as I lay down I'm going to start cough, cough, coughing. Excuse me while I empty my mind out before I go off to the inevitable.

I was thinking earlier on today (yesterday?) about some of the things that have been said to me in my lifetime and I'm feeling quite angry. It's a shame to call BULLSHIT so long after the fact, but if this can help anyone I will recount some of the things which have been said to me.

#1 When sitting on Brighton Pier one day on my own, as happy as a clam soaking up the sun, two men walked past. 'Cor, look at THAT!' said one. 'She's all right for a fat bird.' said the other. Gee, don't kill me with compliments. At the time I wasn't aware of the whole dehumanisation issue which goes on when men relate to women as things rather than people, but I now know calling any person 'THAT' sucks camel dong. Also, the '...for a fat bird' thing, really? I wish I'd been quick enough to retort 'And you're all right for a TWAT!' Stop with the classification thing people. Don't say that shit about fat people or anyone else. Labels are for jam, not people.

#2 A work colleague said to me one day 'You're the prettiest girl here, Leah. All you've got to do is lose a bit of weight....' The sentence trailed off. I don't know what the 'prize' at the end of the goal was for me. Was that his way of saying if I lost some weight he'd deign to stick his dick in me?! Or was he doing this as a public service? Who knows. I didn't know how to answer that then and I don't know now, except for maybe 'Errr....thanks?? You're an asshat!' That came from someone I actually fancied, so it stung a bit, that biggest of back-handed compliments. I was at one of the slimmest points of my life then, ironically. Ha. Wait till you see me now, fucknuts!

#3 Another work colleague said to me 'You're a lovely young lady. If you stop swearing so much all the boys will be after you.' Well, at least he wasn't telling me I was too fat! Maybe I didn't want someone who wanted a prim and proper lady. Maybe I wanted someone who liked me for ME! Why is that so hard to grasp?

#4 The old chestnut, which I have heard so many times 'But you've got such a pretty face!' Well duh, newsflash! You can be fat AND pretty. I know, shocking, right?! It has been said to me so many times over the years that I can't remember individually who said it to me, but I do remember something in common with cases 1-3.


This is why I'm angry now, because I've just realised how this shit happens. All of those comments were made to me when I was a teenager. Men tell little girls (and grown ones, too) we need to modulate ourselves to be more appealing to them or other men. Why can't we be ENOUGH just as we are?

Girls and women are so used to it that sometimes - like me - it takes a whole lifetime of this crap before the lightbulb moment occurs. Men are so used to the world revolving around them that they might not even realise their privilege. Men are conditioned to demand women change to please them, and we're conditioned to oblige.

Run your mind back to times you've been given unwarranted 'advice' by 'well meaning' people. How many of them were men, and how many were women?  I'm really interested to know if my experience bears this out or else maybe I'm just unlucky and have met a lot of stupid men. What can I say? I had a very busy time in my 20s. ;)

I'm so thankful after many years of asshats, I found my husband. He gives me renewed faith in mankind. I know that not all men are entitled fools who think the Earth turns on its axis for them, but some of them are. The shitty experiences always linger, right?

Next time someone says I have such a pretty face (It rarely happens these days as I have a low dickhead tolerance and give off a 'Don't fuck with me' persona) I'm going to say 'You think my face looks good? Wait till you see my arse!'

Next time someone tells me I need to lose weight to be beautiful I'm going to say 'But that'd give me an unfair advantage! I can't have the wit, the brains AND the looks! What's everyone else going to do??'

Next time someone suggests to me I have to change myself to become a more palatable package I'm going to give them the finger. I suggest you do the same.

Whatever you're told by shallow idiots you are ENOUGH no matter what. You are perfect as you are. You don't need to change a thing to be loved. You are not the one with the problem. Society is.

Tell me the shittiest things said to you. Feel free, unload.

Thanks for reading.

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