A little progress, kinda

Hello sweet peas,

I am feeling a little more mentally refreshed after a couple of days away from social media. My absence from Facebook in particular has made me realise it's the cause of much of my overwhelmed feelings.

I clicked a link to something earlier, not realising it was taking me to Facebook, and when it did I saw I had 4 messages. I could see the first line or so of each message in the overview. A couple were from concerned people, one from a bloke who's totally oblivious to everything apart from his cock, and one from someone wanting a favour from me (they wanted me to vote for something.)

I came away from Facebook because I'm sick of feeling overwhelmed and sick of feeling like I HAVE to respond/care no matter how shit I feel myself. The immediacy of Facebook messages is a troublesome one for me as I have to be mentally ready to engage with other people. That sounds bananas I know, but Fibro, CFS/ME and depression drain me so much I have to make sure I'm emotionally grounded before I can deal with other people sometimes.

I closed Facebook double quick without responding to anything as I just don't have it in me right now. I need my life temporarily free of demands upon me. Demands for my attention, demands that I care about things I have no energy to care about right now, demands demands demands. That's not to say I'm not there for my good friends - they have my phone number and can call or text me if they need me - but right now I have to be selfish and to be blunt a lot of what I experience on Facebook is just noise. If there's any beauty to be found in chronic illness or depression at all it's that sometimes you have to put yourself at the start, middle and end of your priorities and shut out anything non-essential.

My steam cup looks like a strange baby's face! :)

Right now I'm sleeping a minimum of 12 hours a day (sometimes as much as 14.) I feel as weak as a kitten. I have barely seen daylight since Friday. I have been in pyjamas or loungewear since Sunday. I haven't worn proper clothes since we went out on Saturday night, so there are no outfit photos to share. My chest infection is getting worse again and I'm coughing and sneezing so much it appears I'm getting another cold. My fridge is chock full of fruit and veg I'm not awake long enough to eat.

I'm doing better mentally than I am physically. Physically I'm wiped out. I haven't been this exhausted in years. This flu has wiped the floor with me.

I hope to have some kind of post up (other than me moaning!) in the next couple of days. I hope your week is going well.

Leah xoxo

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