A terrible affliction - satire.

Hello loves!

Start transmission.

I fear the end is near. I woke up this morning having DREAMED a One Direction song. It's not unusual (to be loved by anyone, da da da da da da da) for me to think in songs, and although I have barely any recall for my dreams the song I had in my head when I was sleeping normally stays with me all day.

God, I'm fucked.

It's not just the dream. I heard their new song on tv the other day and I liked it from the first line. From the first LINE. That never happens. Songs are usually like one eyed stinky dogs with halitosis - first they repel me, and when I hear the hook for the umpteenth time, then I notice the puppy dog eyes and declare to love it forever.

Songs don't usually imbed themselves in my cranium on the first listen. There must be something in the water. That Simon Cowell is poisoning us all with One Direction chemical warfare!

I've gone from being extremely unimpressed to not minding them. And oh God, they've all got tattoos and facial hair and everything! I'm sure I fancy at least two of them now.


You don't know oh oh, that's what makes you beautiful....

End transmission.

Doctor's notes.

Patient was found to have extreme viral Directionitis and was prescribed a dose of German speed metal and Jason Momoa images. She began to show signs of improvement almost instantly, although she did drool a little when viewing the images. There has been a rash of similar cases since One Direction's collective balls dropped. Patients of even such great age as this patient - in her 39th year - were unable to fight off this virulent strain of the virus, which predominantly affects younger females.

We are currently seeing an outbreak similar in scale to bird flu. It is extremely contagious and there is a theory One Direction are using dream warfare, a secret brain washing exercise devised by Simon Cowell, an evil genius with hair like a broom.

Should a detailed and personal prescription of cure not work, aversion therapy has been known to have some effect. Usually after 7 days of listening to One Direction on repeat for 8-12 hours a day the patient will be purged of his or her addiction.

*It's just satire, Directioners. No need to burn me at the stake.

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