#BEDM Day 27 - Secret Talent


Today's post is about secret talents.

What are you good at that nobody knows about? Tell us all about it.

Weeeeelllllllll. I'm humble to the max (really....anything I'm good at, I'm uncomfortable about. Weird, right?!) 

I'm OK behind a camera. A few years ago when I was in better health and yanno - actually left the house an all' - I got out and about taking lots of photos of local alternative models. I used to have a photography fan page on Facebook which had a fair amount of fans, even from actual working photographers (which shocked the shit out of me!) but I deleted it. 

I'm all right at design-based stuff and basic coding. I love doing blog design. I did my blog header, subject buttons and blog buttons. I'm for hire, hehe. I'm always tinkering about with stuff on the computer and I put this to good use with my husband's business on the rare occasion I have some spare energy.

I give expert squishy hugs.

I have a bit of a witchy streak, but I'm not sure I'd call it a 'talent'. I'm an empath and often know when things are going to happen. Call it psychic, witchy, whatever. Right from a child, I knew things, but I didn't know what I am had a name until a few years ago when a friend 'diagnosed' me. One thing I seem to be particularly good is knowing people are pregnant. I remember telling my mum a lady from church was pregnant when I was about 11. She asked me how I knew because it wasn't public knowledge and the lady wasn't showing. I could just tell. When my friend Tracy was pregnant, I knew before she did. She felt unwell and I told her to take a test. I knew she was having a girl from the start and all through the pregnancy Tracy asked for reassurance. It was quite a position of responsibility, but I knew without a doubt everything was going to be fine. 

I dream bad things which come true. Last week I dreamed someone in the family was going to die, and knew some bad news was coming. The day after the dream we found out James's grandad has terminal cancer. I know when I'm going to see someone I haven't seen for years, just moments before they appear. In 1994 when I was working at Gatwick, I suddenly thought 'I'm going to see Paula!' She was a good friend at school who'd moved to Jamaica in about 1988. Seconds later, I spotted her standing below the tv screens showing the departing trains on the train station concourse. I knew I was going to see her and there she was! Put it this way - she was more surprised to see me than I was her ;)

The empath bit means basically I'm an antenna for other people's feelings. I pick up signals which other people would miss - gestures, nuances in words, just a feeling. I see past the front people put on a lot of the time. That's not to say I have a 100% success rate - because it's quite wearing on me I often retreat into myself to recover, and then I'm lost to the world. I get sucked into other people's feelings everywhere when I'm switched on - both from people I know and with total strangers. It can be really hard to deal with and is very tiring. Sometimes the person's mood will affect me, and sometimes I'm able to change their mood to a brighter one. I know when people need cheering up and can be quite the comedian. Being out in a large group can feel like a total emotional assault for me, and as much as I enjoy being around a lot of people because of all the energy coming off people, it's not something I can do too often. I avoid confrontation like the plague and will physically move to be away from hostile people wherever possible. I crave time on my own. I love being up late into the night on my own so I can recover from everything I've picked up throughout the day. Watching the news - hearing of horrible things going on in the world - I'm not insulated against these things, even being a mostly stay at home person as I am now. Life is certainly easier for me now as I have less dealings with people overall, but still I feel.

I find murders and other tragedies really senseless and they affect me a lot. To a certain extent I have to shut myself off. When 9/11 happened I cried continuously for 3 days. Eventually, emotionally spent I made the decision to switch off to a certain extent, just so I could function. It sounds strange, but I grieve more for one death than I do for dozens, because caring for that many people at once would wipe me out. 

I have a connection with animals of all kinds and find being around them really healing. Animals have always taken to me. I was shocked to find last year that this extends to farm animals as well as pets, when two (different) herds of cows made a beeline for me when we were on honeymoon in Cornwall. I can't stand to think of animals being abused and think people who harm animals are beneath contempt. If I were in power I'd lock all animal abusers up in a castle on top of a hill and throw away the key. I love being out in nature and can often be reduced to tears by the beauty of a landscape.

I'm pretty sure my emotional rawness has contributed to my health problems. I can't see how it could fail to. I've always found life hard. I know most of us do, but it's as if I've tried to navigate the salty seas of life with my skin rubbed raw by sandpaper. Everything has always been felt to the max, so the simplest things exhaust me.

Unfortunately I have NO insight at all into my own life. None. It's for the best - I wouldn't have learned anything in life had I not made some absolute howlers in my lifetime! Sorry, that's turned out to be really long. Oops!

So, what are you secretly good at?

Thanks for reading!

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