I wanted to put something out there, but it's going to take some getting to, so bear with me. If I come straight out and say what I want to say without explanation it it'll make me sound like a cold bitch, but I've been dancing around saying this for a long time.
Here's the thing - I really love being myself. It has taken me most of my life to get to the point where I feel secure and happy in myself. As I've got older I've found my support system - great friends who love me regardless, my husband, who is my rock and now my readers here, who give me such lovely feedback. Because of this support system I've gradually started to care less about toning myself down to please people who may not like who I am. In the last year or so I've really found the lady balls to be myself here, warts an' all. And you know what? My readership has gone up steadily since. I was afraid to be myself, but you guys have embraced me for it. When I'm being myself and people 'get' me it's great. When people say lovely things about me just for being myself it makes me feel on top of the world.
Recently four bloggers mentioned my blog in their posts about their favourite bloggers. They said some truly wonderful things about me which made me want to cry. I was touched beyond belief and in turn it kind of prompted this post. If some bloggers think my blog is worth sharing with their readers, I have all the riches I need in this world. When my readers tell me something I've said has resonated deeply with them, I feel like the luckiest person alive.
And here's the thing I've been trying to say.
I read a lot of blogs, probably about 400. Of this number I see a lot of bloggers out there being given free clothing and makeup by brands, or else being compensated financially for articles, but that isn't ever likely to be me and I'm good with that.
Why do I think this? Firstly, I swear sometimes in my posts. I get the feeling that no (average) company likes to deal with someone who cusses like a sailor. However, swearing is a part of life. I don't know a person alive who doesn't swear occasionally. I swear in real life, and as I like to give you an authentic look into my life, I swear here too. I swear for emphasis and I swear because sometimes it feels damn good. If I stub my toe I'm not going to say 'Oh golly gosh, my poor tootsie.' I'll be more likely to say 'Jesusfuckingfuckmyfoot!'
I bet if I deleted all the swear words from this blog and became a 'Stepford blogger' I would have brands want to deal with me at some point in the future. But I don't want to have to modify myself. I have fought long and hard to love myself JUST AS I AM and it's an honest kind of self-love which accepts me good and bad. Sometimes life isn't all sunshine, and sometimes the best and quickest way to get that across is with a choice expletive. How can I tell you to love yourselves just as you are if I self-censor in the hope that people will send me free shit?! I can't.
There are other reasons why I'm not likely to be any brand's poster girl. I think bloggers fall into two categories - aspirational or inspirational. You either want to be them/want their life or feel inspired by them in some way. I'm pretty sure brands want the aspirational kind of bloggers, in which case I'm stuffed! I'm in poor health, which has sweet eff all to do with my weight, but I don't think being disabled is going to make me a marketable individual that a brand can 'sell' to its clientèle. I'm frank about my physical and mental health, and I'm a bit of a loose cannon in that respect - I'm not going to gloss over everything and pretend my life is candyfloss and diamonds for anyone. I have to wonder if enough money was dangled in front of me, would I slowly chip away pieces of myself until I was a sell out?! I don't want to slowly lose parts of myself one sponsored post at a time. I don't want to write things which don't come in my voice. I don't want to feature brands I'm not 100% in love with, or things which have nothing to do with my blog. I don't want to mislead anyone to gain something for myself. It doesn't sit well with me, especially as I know anyone of any intelligence can read between the lines anyway.
So, this is my post about how I'm OK with not being one of those bloggers who are feted over by brands. I'm at one with it. This is by NO means a dig at those bloggers who do have a great relationship with brands. More power to them! Some of my favourite bloggers get sent a lot of stuff. Of course I can see why brands send things to bloggers - one popular blogger's outfit post or beauty swatches can see hundreds of orders roll in for them. I grew up dirt poor and being able to buy things for myself (or have my husband do that) is quite nice, actually. ;)
I want you to know that even if brands can get over my use of salty language in the future, unless they're willing to work with me and have me be entirely honest with you, there will be no deal. I do not want to 'sell' things to you which don't 100% resonate with me. If I buy something myself, I must really love it and that authenticity will come across in my posts. To me 'authentic' means telling you about things I love and have paid for myself, not talking about things because I've been compensated do so. 'Authentic' means having my own voice and not someone else's. 'Authentic' means respecting the privilege I have here and not using that for my own gain.
However if (and it's a big if) a brand comes along who values you for clued-up, savvy people who can make their own minds up and want me to be 100% honest with you, then maybe we can work together. If it never happens on my terms, I am still as happy as a kid at Christmas, because I have the respect of my readers and from some of my peers. That is more than I ever expected when I started this blog and all that I could ever want. Because having you trust me is a privilege and I'm not going to throw that away. I hold you so dear for accepting me as I am - I love you for it! I take what I do here very seriously because of it and really value the honesty we share here. (I hope that doesn't sound too douchebag-gy!)
If this upsets anyone that is the last thing I want to do, these are just my feelings on the matter. I'm hitting post with extreme trepidation.
What are your thoughts?
Thanks for reading!
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