A few things/update


On Friday it was the first anniversary of my friend Helen's passing away. She was only 39.

Her long time partner got special permission from the people behind the Download festival to scatter Helen's ashes with some friends before the main arena opened on Friday. I knew this would be at 10am so I got up, had the same Iron Maiden beer everyone else would be drinking to toast Helen with and got out my Bagpuss bag. The significance of the Bagpuss bag is that Helen and I both had one and we took it to every gig and festival we went to together. I spent an hour reminiscing to myself, talking to Helen and having a bit of a cry, then went about my day afterwards. I'm lucky that I can 'move on', albeit with a Helen shaped hole missing from my life, but her poor partner is struggling to make his way through life without her.


This weekend hubby and I went to London to stay with his parents and to meet our little niece, who is now 2 months old. I was slightly apprehensive about meeting her and how it would go, with this big ol 2 x ectopic pregnancy/dying to be a mum thing hanging awkwardly over my head. P (sister in law) put me straight at ease. Her and M (brother in law) came in, got their shoes off, got baby E out of the car seat and promptly handed her over so I could feed her. Of course, it was love at first sight. She's still so tiny (she was a month premature but would've been a low weight baby even if she went full term) and she's not quite 9lbs yet and so cute! Her little nails are only about 2mm wide. She's a brilliant baby. She hardly ever cries - only when she's got a poopy nappy, is hungry or wants to be held, and as soon as her needs are met she's happy again straight away. She hates being laid down and likes being held sitting up facing you so she can see you. She's smiling already and tracking things with her eyes. Like all babies she likes being bounced on your knee and she's so chilled. I think it's because M and P are so relaxed. Some people are very protective over their offspring and guard them jealously like you're going to drop the infant on its head on top of an anvil or something. M and P are like 'Right, whose turn is it for a cuddle now?!' and pass E over for some fussing. E fell asleep on my chest for a while and it was so sweet. Is there anything lovelier than watching a contented baby sleep? We didn't take any photos of her as I don't want to be up in her grill (get me!) with a camera when I could be having cuddle time. Plus her daddy takes so many photos of her and I'd prefer them to have the control over who gets to see her.

We bought E a couple of little gifts for her to grow into - 2 leggings and a pretty broderie anglaise dress.

You can't see it in the photo, but the leggings have got cute little ruffles on the bottom. I want ruffles on the bottoms of my leggings! :)

It's amazing how a baby can unite a family, even if you're already close. We all got on so well on Saturday, which is a good thing as we're all going on holiday soon - me and James, Mike, Pam, E and James's parents. We're going for a 5 days break to Dorset. Each couple has our own caravan but we'll meet up to do things each day. Hopefully the weather will be nice!


Because we'd had a period of sunny weather followed by crappy weather I noticed how the grey days affect me. I crave white carbs so badly when the days are grey and rainy and I'm not like that on sunny days. I ate a lot of white bread last week as a consequence and now my IBS is awful. I look and feel heavily pregnant and feel really sluggish. It's just reaffirmed what I already knew - white carbs and I don't get on at all. I pushed my luck and now I'm paying the price. I'm going to keep an eye on things and do plenty of yoga in the run up to the holiday as I want to be able to keep up with everyone else. No one apart from James knows how badly my health affects me these days and if I can, I want it to remain that way. Of course it might all come back to bite me on the arse, but if I can scrape through the 5 days without the whole thing having to be embarrassingly based around my health demands that'll be just grand. I don't want to spoil anyone's fun and I certainly don't want to find myself under the microscope.


I hope you had a great weekend. What did you get up to?

Have a great week!

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